


Once You See The Ocean

by Soapbubblesoul



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dragon!Yifan, Dragons, Fantasy, M/M, Mentions of dragon abuse, Original Characters (Mainly dragons), Slow Build, Slow Burn, Telepathic Bond, fighting scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-12 11:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 51,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7933618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soapbubblesoul/pseuds/Soapbubblesoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In all his time as a dragon trainer, Yixing has never felt a connection like the one he feels with Yifan; strong and instant, right from the very first moment he lays eyes on the dragon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by a love poem by Yuan Zhen
> 
> 曾经沧海难为水  
> Once you see the ocean, no other water can compare  
> 除却巫山不是云  
> No other clouds is more impressive than those of Mountain Wu,  
> 取次花丛懒回顾  
> now I walk through the flower (other women), yet never look at any of them,  
> 半缘修道半缘君  
> half because of you, half because my meditation
> 
> (Translation taken from Quora)
> 
> __
> 
> Wow, I can hardly believe I'm actually posting this fic now. I'll save my extended thank you's for the end of it, but just a brief acknowledgement: This fic is longer than anything I've ever written before, and it also took me longer to write than any other fic before, and I am sure without the support of so many friends I wouldn't have pulled through.  
> First of all, dear Exordium mods, you have no idea how grateful I am for your lenience and understanding. I don't think I've ever met nicer mods, and I think you've done a splendid job with encouraging writers to pull through. If you hadn't been this accommodating, I probably would never have managed to finish this fic. Thanks so much for that.  
> Further thanks go to Lo and Grace for putting up with my constant whining and the last minute betaing I subject you to. Also thanks a ton for helping with the search for a title, we all know how horrible I am at that.  
> Also a big thank you to everyone on Twitter for enduring me complaining about this fic 24/7 and for encouraging me to pull through. You guys rock.
> 
>  
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of dragon abuse, slight gore (later chapters), Fight scenes with everything they encompass

 

The first thing Yixing associated with Yifan was controlled strength.

Their initial encounter happened just the way initial encounters usually happened for Yixing, starting with a sweating, panting apprentice bursting into his room. The boy—Zhao Yang or Zhao Qiang or something similar, if Yixing remembered correctly—stumbled ungracefully through the doorway and almost fell face first onto the floor after having tried to knock with force on the door that had been left ajar. It only took Yixing one look at the apprentice for him to know what was up, even as the young boy was still struggling to regain his breath.

For the whole past week, Yixing had barely talked about anything else with Lu Han than the newcomer that was set to be delivered that morning. It had been almost half a year since their fortress had gained a new occupant, and if the rumours were to be trusted, this one was bound to cause quite the stir. From the looks of the apprentice, it had already started, because the boy was pressing out wheezing syllables that Yixing figured out were supposed to mean _‘you’_ and _‘needed’,_ even if the real definitions of the sounds were lost. The boy must have run up the stairs all the way from the lowest underground floor up to the dormitory where Yixing's room was located.

He would have loved to offer the poor boy a glass of water and a seat, but if the apprentice had been instructed to rush to get him, the situation must have been calling for his immediate attention, meaning he couldn’t afford to waste any minute. It was in the middle of the season of the Holy Days, which left the fortress understaffed as a lot of his colleagues were on a leave, away to visit their family and loved ones. Yixing had remained, his birthplace too far away to make the two days he’d have with his parents and grandparents worth the journey.

Being called upon in such haste meant that the newcomer was more than the person who had been assigned to oversee the transfer from the merchant could handle. Given his ample experience in dealing with newcomers, added to a track record of not drawing all _too_ bad injuries from it, he had been elected as the backup.

He mentally scolded himself as he rushed out of the door, for having gone up to his room to tend to his correspondence instead of dealing with it in the dining hall or library—both places where he would have been closer in reach to the dungeons. Newcomers were known to be rampant by nature, and one who refused to let himself be controlled could cause quite the damage. There really was no more time to lose.

He was on his third flight of stairs when he realized that his scale armour was still dangling from the hook on his door, forgotten in his urgency to get to where he was needed. The gear designed specifically for protecting him from temperamental youngsters had been hung in its place for so long that it blended into the normal scenery of the room, so much so that Yixing forgot it was even there. A small curse at his negligence got bitten off before it could make its way past Yixing's lips, and between one heartbeat and the next he hesitated in his descent, torn whether he should rush back up to get it or just leave it be and trust in his own abilities to prevent any situations that might endanger his physical health. He knew that Huang Lei would be upset with him if he found out that the trainer had transgressed the fortress’ regulations—and not for the first time at that—but with the mental images of the potential chaos a youngster might cause if it wasn’t contained and calmed down quickly enough, he decided that he was willing to take on the risk of another scolding.

 _‘Better safe than sorry,’_ the elder always said. For Yixing he had changed it to a special variation of ‘ _Better a little late and safe than sorry,’_ when the male in question had been resting in the infirmary, still a bit high from the anaesthetics the medics had given him before closing the gaping wound across his hip with 15 stitches. Yixing, being well known for his stubbornness, had taken to pretending the advice had never registered with his painkiller-muddled mind.

The temperature dropped proportionally with every step he took towards the dungeons, and while he didn't miss his scale armour for its protective qualities, he did find himself wishing he had pulled it on for its warmth. He could at least have grabbed one of the jackets from his closet, he berated himself as he felt goosebumps crawl across his skin.

He wished they would stop bringing newcomers into the dungeon. More often than not, he would have Lu Han by his side during these descents, the other being the one who was sent to fetch Yixing since he always knew exactly where to find the younger male. It always gave Yixing the opportunity to voice his complaints about the stupidity of the rule, how it was completely unnecessary to put the newcomer’s pens in the lowest level where the air was always icy and all the corridors were damp. Of course he knew why the rule existed in the first place. It was born from the higher ups’ fear that a newcomer might escape if it wasn’t kept deep below ground, where it had no chance of getting far, should it ever be able to break out of its cell.

Once he reached the underground level, it was not difficult for Yixing to figure out which room he had to hurry to; a little throng of people had assembled in front of a room towards the end of the hallway, and the muffled, agitated squawks coming from behind the door could be heard all the way to the stairs. His eyes immediately fell on his best friend, standing in the middle of the people Yixing assumed to be the mercenaries hired by the merchant for their muscles, not necessarily their brain. When Lu Han saw him, he immediately lifted his arm to wave the younger man over.

"Thank god you're here,” Lu Han greeted him as soon as Yixing came to a halt beside him. “The new one is causing a bit of a commotion."

"I figured," Yixing replied. His curtness wasn’t spurred by a displeasure at talking with Lu Han, but rather his own sense of urgency, and the other male, as always, didn’t take offence since he knew exactly why Yixing was not up for smalltalk. He immediately skipped to recounting all the information Yixing needed to know before entering the heavily guarded room with the hope of calming down whatever was going on inside. There wasn’t much to be told, only the age of the newcomer and a rough summary of how the transferring process had unfolded so far. Yixing used the time of listening to pull out the chainmail gauntlets he always kept inside his pants’ pockets, just to be on the safe side whenever his forgetfulness struck him again. Some protective gear was better than none, he reasoned as he fastened their binding around his wrists.

"Got it," he answered as soon as Lu Han finished his recollection, and with a short nod towards the elder by means of gratitude, he turned towards the sturdy iron door and used the metal of his glove to rap against the surface.

A low metallic rumble resounded through the hallway, reflected by the stone walls, and for a moment Yixing couldn’t stop his mind from wandering. He pondered just how paranoid the people who had designed these dungeons had to have been.

Sure, newcomers had a tendency to run rampant but as young as they were, none of them would be strong enough to destroy a proper, solid wooden door, rendering the use of iron unnecessary. _Better safe than sorry_. It all came down to the rule that all people in his field of work had been indoctrinated with. And he had to admit that this rule probably kept most of the people in his profession alive.

“This is Yixing, can I come in?” He called as soon as the sound of his knocking had faded away, unanswered. His words, however, were immediately followed by the sound of shuffling from the other side of the door, and a surprisingly high-pitched growl. A few shouts later, Yixing could hear the heavy bolt being pulled back, the door opening just enough to reveal a small gap, one through which Yixing could barely even see into the room.

"You got 'im down?" The man that was holding the door open yelled back over his shoulder, checking with his partner whether it was safe to let Yixing enter. A more or less convinced sounding grunt of affirmation had the person standing in the gap widen it far enough for both Lu Han and Yixing to be able to pass into the room.

The scene that greeted Yixing wasn't unexpected, not all all, neither was it uncommon, and perhaps it was exactly that which amplified the anger churning in Yixing's stomach. There were half a dozen people present in the room, way too many to give the newcomer any chance to feel even remotely safe and calm down. The thing that really made Yixing feel like either throwing up or digging his fingernails into his palms until he drew blood, was the sight of two bulky men in the far corner of the room bodily keeping the newcomer pinned to the ground, making it virtually impossible to even see the figure of the dragon beneath the bodies of the merchant's brainless assistants.

He knew that merchants had a tendency to hire rather coarse men for manual labour, and no matter how much he wished it were different, he had no influence whatsoever on the merchants and their—in his opinion, rather poor—choices of mercenaries, so he swallowed his anger in an attempt to exude as much authority as possible.

"It's alright, the door is closed," Yixing announced as soon as the man standing beside him had slid the lock back into place, effectively sealing the room from the inside once more. "Could you release him now?" And as an afterthought he tacked on, “Please?”

“Ya sure of that? Quite a handful that one is, and not in the best of moods,” the man closest to Yixing asked dubiously.

From the looks of it, he was the head of the trio of mercenaries the merchant had hired for helping him deal with the transport of his rather recalcitrant good. Said merchant was stood a safe distance away from the commotion, clearly trying to stay out of harm’s way the best he could should the dragon manage to break free.

"Yes, we're sure," Lu Han intercepted when Yixing didn't make any move to reply himself, his eyes fixed onto the scene of the two men struggling with the poor creature they were trying to keep pressed down to the ground. "Yixing is an expert in handling the likes of him. Just do as he says."

The leader of the mercenaries exchanged a quick glance with the merchant, but neither of them looked very convinced. The decision whether to obey or refuse the order was taken from them, however. Yixing heard another growl, deeper this time, and a blink of an eye later the two heavily muscled men were stumbling backwards from the force of the small body. A tail lashed through the air, and only years of experience saved the two men from having a rib or two broken as they immediately dived away from the dragon, landing on the ground after a not so elegant leap.

It was their luck, Yixing thought, that the small creature they had been forcefully repressing didn't make any move to follow them as they crawled across the floor to get away. The young dragon jumped forward a little, as if to make sure that the two of them knew to stay away from it, but then it immediately retreated to the security of the corner. It held its head high in what was alertness more than pride, the twitching of its tail speaking as much of annoyance as it did of nervousness. The dragon’s whole demeanour told Yixing that it was only seconds away from hissing and baring its teeth in a showcase of fighting spirit.

Yixing couldn't blame the young creature for having its patience worn thin either, with the treatment it had been subjected to just a few seconds ago. And considering how little knowledge and finesse merchants usually displayed during the capturing and transport of young dragons, Yixing could very well imagine just how hard the other must have had it up until this very moment.

"I need to calm him down," he stated the obvious; anyone with two eyes could have seen that the dragon was agitated. It was the very reason why Yixing had been called in the first place. When none of the men present made any move to leave, however—as if they expected Yixing to work some magic that would make the dragon turn as meek as a young lamb with a flick of his wrist—the trainer added with a bit of a bite to his voice, "He doesn't exactly harbour the best of feelings for you, so it would be _highly appreciated_ if you could leave me alone with him for now."

The tone he was speaking in wasn’t really one appropriate for dealing with their suppliers, especially since Yixing didn't hold a particularly high position. Huang Lei allowed him to get away with quite a few things—most of them being centered around his protective gear and missing precautions—because he was good at his job.

It wasn’t even as if Yixing really was trying to stop himself from letting his attitude slip into his words; his patience always ran particularly thin where merchants dealing with dragons were involved, and being faced with the reality of the way they treated the young creatures made Yixing lose his composure way quicker than was normal for him. "You want us to be able to evaluate him properly, right? Then it would be for the better if you leave the room now."

The merchant was hesitant, his eyes showing worry for the sum he would receive. He didn't really care about the well-being of his _stock_ , not as long as it brought him enough money. He didn't stay because he wanted to make sure that the dragon was fine, he only wanted to stay so that he could talk Yixing into believing him that the good he delivered was of the highest quality, as he feared that a higher training effort for an unruly newcomer might lessen the price he could demand for it. The merchant was trying to get into Yixing’s good books by remaining to show support, unaware that it had the exact opposite effect on the dragon trainer.

In order to finally get rid of all the unnecessary people cluttering the room and pushing the young dragon further into a state of unsettlement, he proposed for Lu Han to take the merchant and all his mercenaries to the bursar’s office. As soon as he had spoken the name of the old man with graying hair in charge of the fortress’ financial matters, he could see a hopeful spark in the merchant’s eyes as if he could already see gold coins right in front of him. Lu Han, immediately picking up on Yixing’s plan, wasted no time in emphasizing what a good idea that was. It always amazed Yixing how Lu Han was able to retain his charming attitude in the face of the man that made Yixing completely forget his usually gentle and friendly nature.

 _You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar,_ Lu Han had explained to him once, but even if Yixing understood the reasoning, he still knew he was no good at catching flies with vinegar or honey.

Within a few seconds, the merchant had rounded up all his mercenaries, their eagerness showing that none of them still wanted to be in the same room as the growling dragon. Just as the merchant was about to open the door, he turned around to assure Yixing once more that he only ever delivered goods of the best possible quality, and even though it might not look like it at the moment, this time was no exception. Knowing that there was absolutely no use in arguing, Yixing decided to go for honey instead of vinegar after all as he bowed politely, telling the man that he had never been in doubt about the quality of anything he delivered. A flicker of doubt remained in the middle-aged male’s eyes, but he willingly let himself be ushered out of the room by Lu Han.

Yixing exhaled loudly in relief when he finally heard the telltale clicking of the lock falling into place, dropping the forced smile from his face along with it as his features smoothed out until only a genuine, miniscule upwards curving of his mouth remained. He disregarded the iron bolt, not bothering with barricading the door behind him—he knew there was no danger at all of the dragon breaking through the solid metal, even with the door unlocked.

Now that it was just the two of them, Yixing finally allowed himself to properly study the young dragon. He was greeted by petulant eyes looking right back at him, fixing him with a stare full of distrust and wariness, much like Yixing had expected. He had harboured the slight hope that the mere departure of the merchant would be able to ease at least a bit of the tension from the dragon's body, but from the looks of it, nothing of the sort had happened.

Yixing let his eyes rake over the newest member of the fortress. The dragon was small, its shoulders not yet reaching up to Yixing's hips. At that distance, the dragon's eyes seemed to have a dark, brownish colour—nothing out of the ordinary. The same couldn't be said about the colour of its scales, however. The deep scarlet was a shade Yixing had never seen on a dragon before, one he had only read about in books.

The creature’s snout was defined by surprisingly sharp lines for a dragon so young, and its wings were halfway unfolded, a stance either meant to attempt to shield itself, to be ready to escape as quickly as possible, or to try and make itself appear bigger and more threatening, implying that it was ready for attacking at any time. Yixing had seen the very same posture linked to either of those intentions, so it was impossible for him to decide which one applied. Then again, it was the most likely that they all were somehow intertwined with each other either way; all present to some degree in any situation that involved at least one of them.

 _He's barely more than a hatchling,_ Yixing thought bitterly. He knew that dragon hunters always preyed on younger dragons, preferably those barely old enough to be able to move away from their parent’s watchful eyes far enough that they could be lured into traps. None of these capturing principles took into account that the mental bond between a dragon and its parent tore when the hatchling was taken away, leaving scars and lasting mental damage if the point right between where the bond finished developing and started solidifying was missed.

With that in mind, Yixing took one careful step towards the dragon which was still cowering in the far corner of the room, half poised for attack, half poised for flight. The trainer's movement forced the hatchling into action, and instead of backing away it took a step forward as well, hissing aggressively and flapping its wings a little in a gesture meant to intimidate Yixing. While the reaction didn't exactly get Yixing closer to his goal of pacifying the scarlet dragon, it still eased a bit of the tension in his stomach. Which, considering that the situation he was in—without his protective harness at that—had just gotten a tad more dangerous, but he was too elated about seeing that having had the bond with his parent severed didn’t seem to have left any deep-running mental scars.

The will to fight was clearly visible in the hatchling, and Yixing knew that dragons that had been taken away too young would choose defence over offence in nine out of ten cases, if they were disoriented and uprooted by the loss of the connection with their parent. All too often had he had to witness hatchlings trying to crawl as deeply into the corner of a room in an attempt to bring as much distance as possible between them and the dragon trainer, hissing weakly in an attempt to mask their fear with aggression. Without success.

This dragon, however, glowered back at Yixing lacking any reserve. Of course there was fear visible in his eyes—the discomfort at being separated from his kind and parents _and_ being thrown into a scarily unfamiliar environment was leaving its mark on the hatchling. Still, those emotions didn’t overwhelm the dragon, they only spurred on its fighting spirit.

Yixing took another step forward, to test the waters. He had met countless dragons unaccustomed to captivity, had stood inside dozens of what they called "acclimatisation chamber" in the fortress; an unjustifiably nice name for the holding cells buried deep in the mountain their fort was built on top of. His experience told him that, judging by the dragon's behaviour up until then, it was more than likely that advancing further would earn Yixing a display of dominance.

Yet he still found himself slightly surprised when the hatchling rose to its hindlegs with an angry snarl, unfolding its wings to their full size. Given its young age, the span only roughly equaled the width of Yixing spreading his arms apart and even standing upright, it didn't beat Yixing in terms of height, but it easily compensated for what it lacked in physical size by its fangs. Before Yixing even had time to study the dragon properly, it jumped forward in his direction.

All of Yixing’s survival instincts screamed at him to turn and run, or to at least crouch down and shield his most vulnerable body parts. Despite being smaller than Yixing, the hatchling's claws and teeth were more than sharp enough to deal some very serious damage. Yixing had to call upon years of training to fight down the impulse to assume a protective stance. Instead, he squared off his shoulders and met the dragon head-on with another step forward.

Everything that was going to happen in the next few seconds was about establishing Yixing’s position of power, about showing that he wouldn't be scared away that easily. The long scar running down from his elbow to his wrist and from his hip all the way back to his lower back spoke of such encounters gone wrong, and countless other smaller scars and scratches were accounted for by the tightrope walk that dealing with newcomers always was.

But Yixing risked getting hurt, always, because he knew that he didn't have any other choice. This was the only way he could hope to gain the trust of a dragon like the one before him, staring him straight in the eye, looking impossibly self-assured and dominant even while having to tilt its head back to be able to hold Yixing's gaze. A dragon like this one didn't give its trust to people who showed weakness by letting themselves be easily intimidated.

"You can try whatever you want," Yixing said, his voice hard and unyielding because it needed to be. He lowered his tone, until it was barely above a whisper, the words escaping in the resemblance of a hiss, but dragons had very good ears, so there was no danger of him going unheard. "I _won't bow to you._ "

He took another step forward although there barely seemed to be any room left between the two of them, and he could read the internal conflict of the dragon in the baring of its teeth and the lines of its muscles contracting beneath scarlet scales. The hatchling was trying to oppose him, to fight back against Yixing's blatant challenge, but at the same time it weighed its options carefully.

It was when the dragon turned around abruptly, knocking its tail against Yixing's legs hard enough to throw him off balance for a moment but not using even nearly enough force to actually cause any harm, that Yixing decided that he would not let anyone else take this one on for training. The dragon with the rare, beautifully coloured scales and the fire burning in his eyes would be Yixing's to look after and train.

He was intrigued by everything surrounding the dragon, its gaze, its scales, its will to fight, but most of all the self control it exerted so shortly after being captured. If the hatchling had wanted to, or if it only had let its concentration waver for a short moment, it could have seriously hurt Yixing in the previous face-off, but it didn't. His reaction was indicative of a diligent mind resting within that young body, waiting to be nurtured and grown until it would reach its full potential.

Yixing didn't think the merchant had any idea just how valuable of a catch the hatchling really was.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

Huang Lei's office had always been a mystery to Yixing. The owner of the dragon fortress was a very put together person, always organized and with a clear plan in mind. He had played an important part in bringing the kingdom victory in the great battle of Tian Shan. His role in tactile communications had ensured that the king's army could win in spite of being outnumbered.

As a sign of gratitude to the war hero, his wish of holding the reigns of the most prestigious dragon rearing fortress had been granted. Located high up in the almost impassible mountain range that coined the landscape to the far east of the kingdom. All of his military history and the way he always kept his thoughts straightened out led Yixing to believe that the older man's office would be the very picture of an organized, minimalist working space, but it was the exact opposite of that.

The walls of the medium-sized chamber up on the highest storey of the fortress were lined with bookshelves, all filled to the brim and beyond. Books that couldn't find a space on the shelves were strewn all over the room, covering all kinds of furniture, some piling up to little towers while others were lying opened on the couch table, as if they had been in the middle of being perused when their reader got distracted and abandoned them. There were other trinkets placed on the various surfaces throughout the room, little wooden figures the fortress' head had carved together with his son when the boy was learning how to handle a knife properly, little drawings by his daughter in picture frames.

A large window embedded into the wall opposite of the door was facing the courtyard below, the heart of the fort that was surrounded at three sides by the stone building. The fourth side was left open, allowing the even ground of the courtyard to give way to the uneven stone of the mountain for a few feet before the cliff made the stretching ground come to an abrupt halt. There it plunged into the rift that separated the plateau the fort was built on from the higher mountains which lay beyond it.

Through the slightly stained glass Yixing could see colourful shadows move against the backdrop of the snow covered mountains, disappearing whenever they dropped below the cliff and reappearing as they rose back up towards the sky. The sun reflected from their scales as they moved through the air with ease, and any other day Yixing would have been tempted to still for a moment and watch the dragons play their game with the wind, but there were more pressing matters on his mind as he closed the door behind himself. The lock fell into place with a dull clicking sound, but Huang Lei didn't look up from where he was taking notes in one of his books.

Knowing that the fortress' owner was aware of his presence, Yixing silently waited with his hands clasped in front of his body. A few seconds passed where the gentle stroking of Huang Lei's brush over the paper was the only sound to be heard in the room, then the elder straightened his posture, dabbing the bristles on a small cloth to get rid of the excess ink before putting the brush back into the container that was housing all his other brushes.

"Yixing."

"Laoshi," the dragon trainer replied, moving one hand to his side and one to his chest as he bowed; deeper than just the nod of his head he would usually give when addressing his superior, but not as deep as he would bow in a formal setting.

For a split second he considered adjusting his posture to express more respect, to tilt his upper body further down in consideration of the fact that he was about to bring forward quite the huge request, but he knew Huang Lei favoured an air of fraternity amongst everyone in the fortress, uncaring of status and seniority, so Yixing straightened back up without further ado.

He saw that Huang Lei reciprocated the gesture of greeting by a slight inclination of his head, before moving the book that laid in front of him to the side for the ink to dry, gesturing for Yixing to take a seat in one of the armchairs next to the bookshelves, facing the window and subsequently the desk. Yixing declined the offer of settling down in one of them—he didn't plan to stay long.

"What brings you here, Yixing?" The man in his early fifties asked, letting his hand sink down to rest on the desk again with an air that spoke of him not being surprised by the younger preferring to stand.

"The newcomer," Yixing replied, trying to get his racing thoughts to slow down enough for him to pick out the phrases necessary to voice his request. Huang Lei was a master with words, and Yixing, while not on the same level of proficiency as the elder, wasn't too bad at handling rhetoric either. And yet, before he could stop it, the only thing he knew for sure in a sea of half-formulated arguments slipped out from his lips, "I want him."

Huang Lei's eyebrows arched up higher towards his hairline at Yixing's bluntness, surprise painting his features for a moment as he studied the man standing before him with interest.

"I see." The elder reclined in his chair a little, and Yixing, mortified at his own insolence in the face of his superior, rushed to explain himself with burning cheeks.

"I know this sounds selfish **,** but the newcomer he- he-," Yixing stumbled for a moment as he tried to find the right word to sum up everything he had experienced with the hatchling mere minutes prior. "Laoshi, he has _fire,_ " he stressed the last word, accentuating it with a slight shake of his hand, his state of excitement making him speak with his body as much as with his mouth. "There is so much potential in him. He is young, very much so, but just five minutes with him are enough to be able to tell. And I want to help bring that potential to the surface."

Just as the sentence was out of his mouth, he reconsidered, deciding that he was more resolute than his words implied, so he rephrased, "I am _sure_ that I can help bring his potential to the surface. I might not have spent much time with him yet, but I have enough experience to be able to tell a connection when I feel one. And with him- I don't know how to explain it," Yixing floundered, his thoughts quicker than his tongue could hope to catch up with, his hands helplessly waving around in the air as he tried to put the strange sense of resolution he had felt when he faced the hatchling into words. But Huang Lei's gaze held a sense of understanding, so Yixing decided to not dwell on trying to find a description. "You always tell me I should not settle, that in order to improve I always have to challenge myself. He is exactly that, the challenge I want to face, so we can grow together."

Huang Lei mustered him with inquisitive eyes, but just as Yixing drew in a breath to elaborate, the elder said, "Okay."

"...What?" Disbelief tinted Yixing's voice, the emotion also painted over his face.

"I will assign you to him. He's yours."

"Just like that?" Yixing inquired, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop because he had pictured this talk to require a lot more persuasion on his part.

"Well, we all have known for a bit that there would be a newcomer," the elder chuckled good naturedly, the corners of his mouth pulling up into a small smile. "So of course I've been thinking about who would be best fit to take him on as a protégé. There were a few options I considered, and you have always been one of them. As you said, you want to challenge yourself, and I think you're capable of taking on this challenge. You asked to be the one responsible for him, and I do believe that you will be able to handle him."

Stunned into silence, it took Yixing a short moment to grasp what had just happened, and then he was taking a step back and bending his upper body forward in the ninety degree bow he had foregone when he first entered the office. "Thank you for your trust, Laoshi, I will work hard. I won't disappoint you."

"I know you won't, Yixing," a smile coloured Huang Lei's voice as he told the younger to straighten up again, "You said this newcomer has a lot of potential. Well, so do you. I am sure you two will be a great team."

Yixing was tempted to let a dozen more sentences of gratefulness fall from his lips, but he decided against it. Instead he schooled his features in a serious expression. "Thank you, Laoshi."

Huang Lei accepted his words of gratitude with a slight nod of his head. "And now go, your new protégé is waiting for you."


	2. Chapter 2

The hallway where the acclimatisation chambers were housed was eerily quiet upon Yixing’s return, but it didn't really surprise the dragon trainer. It was lunch hour—which was something his growling stomach could attest to—so everyone who’d usually roam the lowest level of the fortress were up in the dining hall, enjoying a hot meal. Yixing, however, had no intention of taking his usual seat for a bowl of soup and pleasant conversation with his colleagues that day. Instead, he came to a halt in front of the door of the newcomer's room.

Adjusting the strap of the bag on his shoulder, the metal of his gloves scraping slightly against the material of his shirt, he raised his free hand to rap his knuckles against the door, an exact mirror of the scene that unfolded barely an hour ago. Although this time there was no commotion on the other side of the metal, and no merchants in the room together with the young dragon, thankfully. He was convinced the hatchling had heard his steps as soon as he set foot into the corridor, but that didn’t stop him from knocking to signal his arrival. It _was_ common courtesy, after all.

He waited for a second, just enough to give the dragon time to brace itself for his entrance, before pushing the door open. As Yixing expected, the hatchling was on his feet when he entered, head held high and tail twitching slightly, his whole posture speaking of alertness. He was still in the corner farthest from the door. The walls surrounding him gave the young dragon a sense of security, and the distance meant he’d have enough time to prepare for attack if need be.

But as soon as he saw Yixing, he visibly relaxed. He flapped his wings once before folding them back against his body, huffing out a gust of hot air that condensated in the cold air as he shook his body a little, like a dog trying to get rid of water from its fur after a walk in the rain. Yixing wondered what the hatchling was trying to shake off, whether it was his own nervousness, the insecurity his posture gave away, the trainer's gaze, or the whole situation. For a moment, Yixing expected the dragon to turn around and coil up on himself in the corner, facing away from the trainer as a sign of protest. But even though the tension faded from the other's posture at the sight of Yixing, he stayed cautious.

"I’ve brought lunch," Yixing offered as he closed the door behind himself, letting the bag slide from his shoulder and into his hand to hold it out towards the hatchling.

The dragon tried to stay disinterested and wary but Yixing could see his nostrils flare slightly as he studied the leather bag, his gaze giving away his curiosity. It was very common for newcomers to be hungry. Merchants often preferred to keep the young, unpredictable dragons sedated for the journey through the mountain pass. It meant that the hatchlings usually hadn’t been fed for at least one day, sometimes even longer than that, when they arrived at the fortress. So it was no surprise to Yixing when the hatchling’s focus immediately shifted from the trainer to the prospective meal.

With a small smile playing on his lips, Yixing pulled out one of the chickens he had fetched from the cold storage room where they kept all their fresh meat for the dragons. At the sight of the bird, the hatchling's wings started to quiver slightly where they were folded against his body, the vibration a sign of his instinctual anticipation of being fed. It had Yixing fighting to keep his expression under control, knowing that any hint of a grin on his lips might have been interpreted as amusement and could rile the young dragon up again.

In order to not lose the fight against the twitching corners of his mouth, he distracted himself by throwing the feed in the direction of the hatchling, the body of the bird making a dull thudding sound as it collided with the floor. Yixing knew better than to try and approach the dragon to actually “hand over” the chicken. The action might be seen as either a trick or a threat, possibly even a provocation, and that was not Yixing's intention. They already had had their confrontation, now it was time for conciliation.

The chicken still startled the hatchling when it came hurtling towards him, making him jump back slightly. He remained a small distance away from the feed, darting measuring gazes between Yixing and the lifeless bird in front him, as if expecting the trainer to ambush him once he started feeding. The sight dampened Yixing’s good mood slightly. He knew that the other's skepticism was most likely founded on his past experience but he found relief in the knowledge that from now on the dragon would be treated well.

"Go on, eat," he urged, gesturing to the chicken with a wave of his hand. "You must be hungry. I know I certainly am."

Reaching into his bag again, Yixing took out the cloth he had used to bundle up the pork-filled steamed buns he’d snatched from the kitchen on his way back down into the dungeons.

The dark eyes of the dragon followed his movement warily but Yixing didn't pay it too much mind as he placed the bag onto the floor, sinking down into a cross-legged seat right next to it. The position left him vulnerable, practically defenseless since he would not be able to get up fast enough to fight back if the dragon should decide to charge towards him once more. Still, it was a calculated risk Yixing took.

He busied himself with untying the knot that kept him from reaching his lunch, and for a short while the rustling of the cloth beneath his fingertips and his breathing were the only sounds to be heard in the room. Then there was the low, clinking sound of the dragon’s claws clicking against the stones of the ground, but Yixing waited until he had completed his task of undoing his lunch’s wrapping before slowly looking up, careful not to move too quickly lest he scare away the hatchling again.

Their gazes locked for a split second before the dragon lowered his head to sniff at the bird lying in front of him. His snout scrunched up a little as he gave the chicken an experimental nudge before retreating to study the bird from a distance once again.

"What, do you not like chicken?" Yixing asked, amusement colouring his voice. "It tastes good, believe me."

The dragon threw a gaze full of mistrust at him, making the trainer chuckle at the hatchling’s antics. He figured the other wouldn’t get mad at him for showing amusement when he was too invested in examining the chicken. "You need to try it, at least."

Another glance was followed by a huff, then the young dragon tentatively took the tip of the chicken's wing between his teeth and dragged the bird with him towards the corner he had chosen as his place of comfort. Yixing, knowing that watching the hatchling might make him uncomfortable, cast his eyes down to pay attention to his own food instead. He only looked up again when he heard the dragon take a careful bite, the action making the bird scratch lightly over the floor. The sound of it echoed off the stone walls, seeming even louder in contrast to the silence of the cell.

The first taste of the chicken was followed by an expression that looked so human in it's wary examination of the unfamiliar food that Yixing had to muffle his amused laugh with a bite of his steamed bun. He swallowed the "See? I told you it's good," down together with the yeasty dough when he saw the hatchling devour his feed with a sense of hungry haste after having determined that the chicken was indeed edible.

Yixing was glad he had brought two birds with him when the first one disappeared with just a few big bites. "Here," he said as he threw the second chicken over to the unsuspecting dragon, making him jump once again.

"Try not to eat so fast,” he advised. “There's no hurry, and it will only make your stomach hurt if you gobble your food."

The hatchling threw him a calculating gaze, which Yixing replied to with a smile, making the other huff in supposed protest as a result. It amazed Yixing how much the dragon’s reactions fit in reply to his word even though the other didn’t understand human language just yet. Like he had advised, the hatchling didn't devour the bird within three bites like he had done the first time, instead letting himself sink down to the ground before starting to gently nibble on it. The sight made Yixing's smile widen, his own posture relaxing significantly in reaction to seeing the hatchling assume a more comfortable stance around him. "So, I guess it's about time for introductions," Yixing noted, taking up another bun from his bundle. "I am Yixing."

The dragon's tail twitched slightly, the only sign that he was aware Yixing was talking, but the trainer didn't let himself be deterred. "I was told you've been named Yifan," he continued, and at the sound of the name the hatchling looked up from his meal, scales rustling slightly as if he was humming in recognition of the sounds.

"' _Ordinary*_ '," the trainer scoffed a little in disbelief, "I don't think they could have chosen a less fitting name," he mused, more to himself than the dragon, his voice low, contemplative, losing its conversational tone. The disbelief at the merchant's poor choice was spurred on by the admiration he held for the potential he saw in the young dragon, both emotions colouring his words.

The hatchling, Yifan, just tilted his head slightly to the side in question, as if he didn't see the point behind Yixing's statement before exhaling audibly and getting back to devouring the chicken. Watching the tip of the dragon's tail twitch in excitement from picking the bird in front of him apart, Yixing couldn't help the fond chuckle that escaped him. For all the fire burning underneath those scarlet scales, and for how intimidating the hatchling could look like when he was set on confrontation, as soon as he allowed himself to relax a little he really was still just a baby, easily entertained by a treat he could nibble at.

"Yeah, you're right. We should eat," Yixing agreed, taking a bite out of the bun in his hand and letting the room fall into a companionable silence.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

In the coming days, Yixing spent most of his time in the dungeon, sitting in one corner of the acclimatisation chamber while the young dragon sat in the other. Yixing talked, often about inconsequential things, just to fill the eerily silent room nestled deep below the ground while Yifan studied him with folded wings and a curious gaze. He knew that the dragon couldn't quite make sense of his words, not yet. The hatchling would learn, with time, to understand the human's language, but before then he could still follow the intonation of the words, studying Yixing's posture to get an idea of what the trainer was trying to tell him. And Yixing speaking to Yifan wasn't meant to be an exchange of information, after all.

His only purpose for spending hours on end on the rough stone floor, his back leaned against the cold wall until the temperature seeped through the multiple layers of clothes he was wearing, was to give the dragon a chance to get used to his presence. A dragon who didn't trust its trainer couldn't be trained. Yixing knew that there were a lot of dragon rearing fortresses all over the country that didn't consider that to be a rule but it was the one basic concept he had been indoctrinated with ever since arriving at the fortress as a boy.

So the first step in his training plan was to gain Yifan's trust, to show the young dragon that he had nothing to fear from Yixing. During the first few visits, the hatchling stuck to his three metre safety distance to seek the refuge of his corner for the whole time Yixing was in the room with him. The trainer didn't mind, not trying to approach Yifan as long as the young dragon didn't seem comfortable with it. There was no necessity, either, to force physical closeness.

It was still too early to try and attempt a true mental connection with the dragon but Yixing made sure to exude a wave of calm the best he could whenever he was in the same space as the other. He knew that Yifan wouldn't be able to truly read the aura surrounding the trainer yet, still too young to understand his own telepathic senses. But even if the hatchling couldn't understand it yet, it was pivotal to get him used to Yixing's mental presence, so that it wouldn't provoke a total lock-down from the dragon’s mind when Yixing would start prodding him for a connection.

Like this, days turned into weeks. It was in the course of the second week when Yifan started to move a few curious steps towards Yixing whenever the trainer would open the door, tail twitching and his snout scrunched up as he tried to figure out by the smell what kind of food Yixing was hiding in his bag that day.

By the end of the second week, Yifan had shed most of his cautious behaviour. Yixing's first impression of Yifan had been coined by the fire he could see in the young dragon's actions during their first confrontation, and the control the young dragon displayed over it, but within the course of the two weeks he spent with the hatchling, Yixing was able to refine his impression of the other. Sure, Yifan was fiery when felt he needed to be, but when he didn't feel like he had to prove his position or demonstrate his strength, the dragon exhibited traits one would not have expected going by his intimidating looks.

After two weeks, the thought of Yifan was a feeling of fondness spreading in Yixing's chest, a smile on his lips. If anyone would have asked him to describe the young dragon, the first word he'd have used would be adorable. It was the way Yifan's tail would whip from one side to the other once he got excited, the way he would flap his wings and prance on the spot whenever he wanted Yixing's attention, and the scrunching up of his snout when he did not like something. All of that combined made it hard for Yixing to keep his smile from splitting his face in half for most of the time he was with Yifan. The dragon's behaviour reflected his age, reminding Yixing over and over again that Yifan was still a hatchling; inexperienced, easily excitable and, most of all, looking for someone to trust, someone he could rely on.

That part became particularly apparent when Yifan's mind unconsciously started reaching out for Yixing's, seeking to form a resemblance of the bond he lost when he was separated from his kin. Dragons also expressed themselves with their body language, and a variety of noises to emphasize their emotions but their main form of communication was a mental bond. They needed these kinds of bonds to sustain their mental health, and to nurture their innate telepathic abilities. So it was unhealthy for Yifan to be without a bond of such nature for too long.

It chipped away at Yixing's self control; knowing that young dragons needed a mental connection but knowing at the same time that he needed Yifan to be accustomed and used to him before he could try to forge a bond. Still, Yifan's mind seeking his, latching onto the calming presence Yixing was surrounding himself with, was the signal for the trainer that he could finally get to the next step of training.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

When Yixing opened the door to the acclimatisation chamber, Yifan's head whipped up. The dragon had grown significantly since he first arrived at the fortress, turning the hatchling into a fledgling, and Yixing knew that the growth spurt would keep up a similar pace for a few weeks at least. When Yifan skipped towards Yixing, it only took him two leaps to cross the room, as he was obviously outgrowing the size of the cell. The fledgling didn't initiate any physical contact like the other dragons Yixing was training, didn't rub his head against Yixing's arm the way Li Jie always did in greeting, and didn't nudge his chest in the way Yanmei would always express her affection.

Yet it made Yixing's heart beat a little harder against his ribcage with excitement when the dragon didn't pull away from where he had come to a stop as Yixing reached out his hand. The fledgling looked a little startled at their sudden closeness, as if he hadn't expected that jumping towards Yixing would mean that they would end up standing with only an arm’s length separating them. However, he didn't flinch or try to widen the distance between them again even as the trainer’s fingers came steadily closer. Instead, he lowered his head slightly, as if to make it easier for the trainer to reach for him. Yixing moved slowly, pausing every so often to carefully study the dragon's reaction, giving him time to reconsider. But Yifan didn't move, his gaze locking with Yixing's, instead.

Yixing could see the tension in the fledgling's body, in the shiver traveling from his neck down towards his tail, making his scales rustle softly as they moved and rubbed against each other. And still the young dragon didn't back away, remaining transfixed in a state of anticipation, so Yixing only hesitated for the blink of an eye before splaying his hand against the dragon's cheek.

Yifan was not the first dragon Yixing had ever touched, far from it. He'd had his fair share of stroking over reptilian bodies, snuggling against scaled necks or being tugged under wings. And yet, touching Yifan felt special. There was a rush of exhilaration and relief alike, not too dissimilar to the sense of accomplishment in finding a missing puzzle piece. Later on he would reason that it was because Yifan was the first dragon who was truly _his_ —and his only—to train, the first dragon he had been charged with from day one, and with whom it took weeks before he was comfortable enough with Yixing's presence. In that moment, however, when his hand came into contact with Yifan, his mind was wiped empty of thoughts, only emotions remaining as all his senses were heightened.

Yifan's scales were smooth under Yixing's fingertips, smooth and warm as Yixing let his thumb glide across them. Yifan's gaze softened as his eyelids started drooping, before eventually falling shut. The dragon exhaled contently, and for the first time Yixing could actually feel the heat of the air permeating through the fabric of his coat. They both remained still for a few heartbeats, then Yifan leaned into the touch, the way one tightens an embrace to signal its end, before opening his eyes again and lifting his head up.

"Good morning." A fond smile played over Yixing's face and he could still feel the lingering shadow of the dragon's cheek pressed against his fingertips. At the same time, Yifan looked kind of wary, as if he didn't quite know what to make of what had just transpired.

In accordance to the dragon getting used to Yixing's presence, growing appreciative of it even, he had taken to being more boisterous around the human. Even going as far as to jump around in excitement whenever he realized Yixing had brought him some of the cookies the kitchen personnel kept baking as treats for the dragon. So seeing Yifan this contemplative was a change from the norm, but Yixing couldn't deny that he himself had been thrown out of the loop a little as well.

He had come down to the dungeons with the intention to start their bonding process but he hadn't expected Yifan to allow physical contact just yet. It was a very welcome surprise, however, and it affirmed his belief that the dragon was ready for taking the next step. The original plan had been to sit down the way he usually would, to let Yifan calm down a little from his initial excitement at seeing the human and throw out a chicken or two for the young dragon to munch on before Yixing got started.

It was a split-second decision, a sudden urge fostered by the instincts he had honed over years of dealing with dragons, telling him that this was the right moment. He had Yifan's full attention, so he lowered his hand down to his side, the dragon's gaze following the motion before darting back up to meet Yixing's eyes. The first part of Yixing’s own training had been to learn how to control his own mind, how to be able reach out to other living beings without moving a muscle or making any sound. It had taken years for Yixing to work on his telepathy, to be able to control not only his own mind but to also connect to others. Nonetheless, he had trained, worked hard and gathered a lot of experience ever since he first had been drawn into a mental connection.

So it was easy for him to focus, to take a deep breath and use the exhale to sharpen his own mind then open his perception towards the energy around him. The whole room was rather dull, the low ambient energy making the young dragon stand out even more. Yifan's mind was calling for Yixing like the light of a bright beacon in the dead of the night to an insect, impossible to miss or look away from. Now that he was actually focusing on sensing the other, Yixing could physically feel the tendrils of Yifan's mind reaching out for his own like energy licking over his skin. It was clumsy, uncontrolled, and a perfect reflection of the fledgling's inexperience, much like Yixing had expected.

Fully grown dragons, by nature, were generally more skilled at controlling their mind than humans. They could shield themselves off from unwanted mental infiltration or let only certain thoughts slip into a mental connection while keeping others hidden. Since they were instinctual abilities, they came easier to them than to humans, who used verbal or physical language for the primary sake of communication. And yet, just like babies could only babble with their inability to form proper words, young dragons were not in proper control over the ways their minds reached out yet, they merely clumsily sought any kind of connection, even if they didn't yet know how to go about it.

Whenever Yixing established a mental connection with any of the adult dragons he trained from time to time, it felt similar to knocking on a door and asking for entrance. By default, the mind of a dragon was guarded and closed off, as was Yixing's. It was possible to invade a mind that refused a mental connection but these kind of practices made Yixing's skin crawl with a sense of utter disgust. Forcing one's way into a dragon's mind was immoral, to say the least, and taking control over it by blocking out the dragon's own will was simply cruel in Yixing’s eyes. He knew how common these practices were in the profession of training dragons, because they were the easiest way to break a dragon's fighting spirit thus rendering it obedient and easy to control. The very idea made Yixing feel sick to the stomach.

Yifan, however, being as untrained as he was, was not even able to put his mental defenses up yet, leaving his mind wide open for anyone who cared to look for it. It would have made it easy for Yixing to force a connection with the fledgling, but it was not his goal to enter Yifan's mind, least of all uninvited. What he wanted was to familiarize Yifan with the touch of his mental presence, to lay the foundation for forging a bond that would allow him to show Yifan how to use his mental abilities and enable him to finally properly communicate with the dragon.

So he gently reached out towards the other's mind, his first attempt at contact being nothing more than a gentle nudge. Yifan's reaction was immediate, his eyes widening in surprise at the unexpected sensation. The dragon took a startled step back, and then froze to study Yixing. The feeling of having someone else's presence knocking on his mind must have been familiar, as he used to share a similar link with his parents before being caught, but all of his instincts had to be screaming at the fledgling that this kind of connection was something found with other dragons, not with humans.

Yixing dropped all his attempts to reach out to the dragon's mind when he saw Yifan move away. His only motive was to let the other know that Yixing was capable of controlling his own mind. He was trying to test the waters with the young dragon who had finally started to trust him.

To Yixing's relief, Yifan didn't seem to be afraid of the sensation of Yixing’s mind grazing his. The dragon’s gaze remained inquisitive, almost intrigued, even in spite of his momentary surprise. Then, his tail started twitching in a way that was expressing nervous curiosity, as Yixing had come to learn. Yifan pranced a little then tentatively moved closer to the trainer once more.

Yixing expected the foreign mind brushing against his own, so he opened up his consciousness and made it emanate a pleasant, welcoming warmth. Their contact was short, barely more than a prod on Yifan’s side as well. As the dragon withdrew, he huffed out a breath and shook his head slightly, similar to the way he had first reacted to chicken. The fledgling mustered him with a gaze that was equal parts disbelief and intrigue and Yixing didn't even try to hide his smile.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

Yixing was an early riser. He was usually out of bed only shortly after the first rays of sunlight crept over the mountain tops; sometimes getting up in time to catch the sun starting its ascent into the sky. He spent such mornings either with his spear in hand, working up a sweat through exercise to chase away the cold, or sitting on one of the benches in the courtyard, bundled up in one of his warm coats to battle the chill of the night. There was a sense of serenity in listening to the silence. Being located high up in the mountains, there were barely any birds chirping, or any other animal sounds. There were no carts bustling over busy main streets on their way to a village's market or dogs barking in excitement whenever someone passed by their house. So with most of the inhabitants of the castle still asleep, the only noise to fill the silence was the wind howling over the ragged stone edges.

Always getting up together with the sun meant that Yixing usually was one of the first people to arrive in the dining hall, but as much as he always liked to keep himself busy, breakfast was the one thing he only rushed when it was absolutely necessary.

"Why does breakfast always have to be so damn early," Zhixiang whined as he slumped down into his usual seat next to Yixing almost half an hour after the younger male had arrived, letting the tray which held his food clack against the wooden surface of the table.

Knowing that it was a rhetorical question, Yixing didn't bother with answering directly—uttering his usual good morning greeting and shoveling more rice into his mouth, instead.

The male with the dark brown hair was the exact opposite of Yixing, preferring to remain in bed until the sun had already neared its peak, if he could. But, in turn, Zhixiang often took to spending his nights sitting together with others from the fortress with a cup of ale while Yixing was already in bed. It wasn't that Yixing was unsocial, or that the elder man preferred drinking time with colleagues over work; their body clocks were just running differently. Their biological rhythm was one of the only things that wasn't in tune between them, as they clicked almost perfectly in pretty much all the other aspects.

When Yixing had first come to the fortress, he was 14 years old and resolute to not be a burden to his family any longer. It wasn't like his parents and grandparents were in danger of starving if they had days when they didn't sell all their goods at the market, but they also were far from being rich. It meant that Yixing, as soon as he was old enough, decided to take the trek up to the doors of the most prestigious dragon rearing fortress he knew, based on the rumour that the dragon training profession yielded better money than a lot of other jobs, and that he would get a roof over his head and food to eat while he was working there. He didn’t know any other dragon trainers personally, nor did his friends, but working with mythical creatures surely had to be a promising profession. His mother wasn't happy with his choice but Yixing had always rather been on the stubborn side.

He had traveled the harsh way up together with a group of merchants, tempted to turn and follow the streets back home countless times, but the hope of independence, of earning money himself each month which he could send back to his parents' house, kept him from actually following the calls of his home. No matter how alluring they were. When he had decided on being a dragon trainer, the only dragons he knew were those from stories and paintings in books. Only rich, noble houses owned dragons, and Yixing's home village lay too far out in the countryside, where no nobles ever showed up, and too far out from the mountain range to ever catch sight of wild ones.

He still remembered the feeling of wonder bursting in his chest when he had first seen a real dragon, alive and breathing. Their group had been taking a rest on a little plateau, halfway to their destination. Yixing had been sitting on a boulder by himself near the cliff while the merchants watered their horses and checked up on the fastenings that kept their goods secure on the carts. He was studying the higher mountain he could see in the distance, knowing that the fortress was located there.

There was no warning when the dragon appeared, no sound of wings, no rush of air. It was just there, all of a sudden, gliding through the rift Yixing was sitting at the edge of. The dragon wasn't particularly big, its scales were a dark yellow that shone almost golden as the sunlight reflected from the reptilian creature. It made Yixing's breath catch in his throat as he stared in wonderment, his mouth and eyes hanging wide open. The moment barely lasted for a heartbeat as the dragon disappeared deeper into the mountain range with three beats of its powerful wings. None of Yixing's fellow travelling companions noticed the creature pass by their camp but Yixing never forgot the sight. The grace with which the dragon had sailed through the air, the ethereal glow of its scales; all these impressions had burned themselves behind his eyelids.

So when he finally arrived at the fortress, two weeks after having left his home, he was exhausted, weighed at least 3 kilogrammes less than he had at the beginning of the journey since his stomach had not taken well to the altitude difference and his eyes were shining bright with determination. It had been a gamble, to travel to the fortress' gates without knowing anyone inside the solid stone walls and without any certainty that he would even be accepted as an apprentice. But he was in luck, Huang Lei’s predecessor in running the fortress, a sturdy old man who went by the name of Wu Xian, liked the conviction in his eyes—and the feel of his mind, as Yixing found out a few months after he had started his own mental training.

Zhixiang Luo had been 21 when Yixing first met him, and Yixing was the first apprentice the elder male ever took on. Despite his young age, Zhixiang proved to be the best mentor Yixing could have ever hoped for. He was patient and smart but always up for a joke; serious when he needed to be while full of grins and crazy ideas when he could let his guard down. Yixing’s younger self spent hours sitting under the open night sky, listening with fascination to stories he was sure were equal parts truth and fiction as Zhixiang let his hands dance through the air while speaking of epic battles he had witnessed and giant dragons he had tamed. Over the years, their student-teacher relationship had grown and changed, turning into a solid friendship, and as Yixing aged, their age difference grew significantly more irrelevant. What did seven years matter to someone in their late twenties.

It did not mean, however, that Yixing stopped seeking the elder's advice whenever he was unsure of how to go about something. He had had ample of time to collect his own experience when it came to dragons, and he had left behind his apprentice status years ago but a second opinion from someone he fully trusted was something Yixing would never be foolish enough to deny.

"So, how're things going with Yifan?" Zhixiang asked, downing half his soup before turning back to his bowl of rice as he waited for the younger's reply.

"Quite good, I think." Yixing swirled the tea in his cup around gently, as if he could warm up the ceramic walls of the container like this. It was winter, and his fingers were still freezing after having forgotten to bring his gloves outside. "His mind no longer seeks out others' unconsciously. He can reach out and shut himself off consciously, although he doesn't quite manage to communicate his emotions properly yet."

"Well, he's still young and he hasn't had many chances to form a mental connection yet, it's to be expected."

Yixing hummed in agreement.

"Do you plan to take him out to meet the other dragons soon? He's been here for quite a while already. He should mingle with others of his kind," the elder's words held a tinge of a lecturing tone, reminiscent of their former mentor-apprentice-relationship, but Yixing knew that it was a genuine question and not an urging cloaked in an inquiry.

"Yes, I want to take him outside within the next few days. He might still be a bit clumsy, but, I think he's ready. And besides, he is a dragon, he needs to fly and no matter how high the ceilings in the acclimatisation chambers might be, I know he's becoming impatient… And, you know, too big," Yixing told the other with a contemplative tone, before huffing out a disbelieving breath. "I swear to god, I can basically watch him grow whenever I'm with him. He's already reaching past my shoulder and not even a month ago he still only went up to my waist!"

Zhixiang answered Yixing's exasperation with a small laugh, the edges of his smile turning slightly teasing as he faced the younger. "So, I guess the two of you are bonding well?"

As a rule, dragons in the fortress were not allowed to be taken outside before they had formed a solid bond with a trainer. It was a precaution to prevent the dragons from escaping. Unlike with horses, cattle or other livestock, one couldn't just put up a fence to keep them contained. Especially because dragons needed the open sky, needed to be able to fly, both because it was essential for both their physical and mental health, and—speaking from the financial interest of the fortress—because a dragon who could not fly was only worth a tenth of the price of a dragon who could.

The nurturing of a dragon's flying skills was an essential part of a trainer's task. Thus it was necessary to replace the physical restraints the thick stone walls of the acclimatisation chambers provided with something else to keep the dragon tied to the fortress' grounds. That was the point where the bond a trainer formed with a dragon came into play, posing an immaterial restraint. As soon as the mental connection was properly established, forcefully tearing it meant pain for a dragon, the kind they would never willingly want to experience. So as long as a the trainer didn't give them a reason to choose the pain over staying at the fortress, a dragon would keep close to the fortress and its trainer.

"Yeah," Yixing answered Zhixiang's question with a sense of contemplation, the feeling of Yifan's mind brushing against his singing like a constant reminder of the dragon's presence in the back of his consciousness. "Yeah, I think we are."

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

Communicating with Yifan wasn't something done through words, it was accomplished by linking their minds to connect their thoughts. Dragons didn't use the same speech patterns as humans did, they didn't have a language that relied on the concatenation of distinct sounds in order to transport information. Instead, they communicated through pictures and feelings, ideas and motivation.

It was part of the training process to teach the dragons to understand spoken language, so that even humans who were not good at controlling their telepathic abilities would be able to communicate with the reptilian creatures on some level. Dragons were quick learners, especially while they were young, so teaching Yifan didn’t require any big efforts. The only thing Yixing had to do was back up whatever he said with the corresponding thought or feeling for the dragon to understand which meanings were linked to the sounds the trainer was producing.

"How are you doing today?" Yixing asked, reflecting the words with the matching sentiment through their connection, patting along Yifan's scaled neck as means of greeting. The dragon humming low in his throat in appreciation of the gesture.

An overwhelming wave of boredom hit Yixing and he laughed in sympathy. Of course Yifan was bored, he always was. It was to be expected that after more than a month, the only thing the dragon was wishing for was a change of scenery from the drab acclimatisation chamber. Yixing did his best to keep the young dragon entertained with all kinds of games, both physical and mental, but there was only so much he could do.

"Well, I have good news for you then,” he told the dragon, an expectant smile tugging the corners of his mouth apart as the eagerness to finally get the other out of the acclimatisation chamber filled him up.

Yifan’s answering excitement filtered into their mental connection, paired with curiosity as he turned his head to face Yixing.

In the beginning, the young dragon had only been able to communicate with raw waves of emotion, indistinct and almost overwhelming, but the more Yixing connected his mind with Yifan's, the more the dragon had learned to refine the emotion or thought he wanted to let the other know. He still had a long way to go, but Yixing couldn't help but be fascinated by how Yifan grew and learned so quickly. Experience told him that it was only a question of time until the dragon would be able to shape his thoughts and feelings so distinctly that even though he never sent actual words, Yixing would be able to translate Yifan's thoughts into sentences.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

Taking Yifan outside for the first time was, for lack of a better word, nerve-wracking. There were a million uncertainties and worries running wild inside Yixing's head, from the way the other dragons might not accept Yifan to how the young dragon might not get along with the others. For most of his life, Yifan had only had human company, which made Yixing worry that Yifan might be unable to properly adjust to the way his kin behaved.

Sitting together with Zhixiang in one of the common rooms of the fortress the night before, the trainer had questioned whether he should have taken Yifan outside a lot earlier already. He had waited longer than was strictly necessary, wanting to be sure that the bond he had forged with Yifan was actually strong enough to ensure that the dragon would not attempt escape.

Even though Yifan had turned into a tame, affectionate young dragon around Yixing, willingly letting the trainer pat his scales and using their solidifying mental connection to call for Yixing's presence even when they were apart—leading to Yixing sneaking into the dragon's room when the bell was about to ring midnight already—the trainer still remembered the fire in Yifan’s eyes from their first meeting.

The dragon was stronger and more resolute than pretty much any of the other dragons Yixing had been in contact with so far, and he had decided to better be safe than sorry when it came to trusting the strength of their bond. Zhixiang had reassured him that it had been a good choice, that Yixing didn't have to fear Yifan turning into an outcast. If anything, his strength and intimidating looks might make it easier for him to connect with others of his kin. Dragons, just like humans, liked to flock around power, and even if Yifan was still just a fledgling, Yixing would not be the only one to recognize his potential.

The words of reassurance from his mentor’s mouth helped in easing him a little, even though both of them knew that there always was the element of the unknown. As intelligent and wise as dragons were, there was still always an unpredictable, feral element to them. Their instincts could take over at any time, leading them to behave in ways that were not fueled by logical decisions but rather by natural urges that were raw and uncontrollable.

Yet Yixing tried to persuade himself that everything was going to be fine, and having Yifan's presence by his side actually helped to relax him a little. He hid all his nervousness from the young dragon, instead letting the other's excitement wash over him. There was a hint of hesitation in Yifan as well, Yixing could tell because the dragon still wasn't able to filter the emotions he wanted to keep to himself from the ones he wanted his trainer to know. Or perhaps, Yifan didn't mind that Yixing could feel his slight insecurity.

Either way, the young dragon let himself be doused in the waves of calm Yixing emitted, a serenity the human wasn't necessarily feeling himself. But he had trained hard enough to be able to send the emotions he _wanted_ to send over the connection, even if they didn’t match with the ones he was actually feeling.

With his hand resting on Yifan's shoulder, he led the dragon through the corridors and up the stairs, the dull thudding of his shoe soles mixing with the clicking of claws, resounding on the walls. Yixing could feel the muscles below the dragon's scales with every step Yifan took, testament to the strength contained within the other's ever-growing body.

The higher up they got, the more people they ran into, all busy going about their daily routines. Most of them acknowledged Yixing with a short nod, some greeted him and wished him good luck, but no matter who they ran into, everyone was staring to some degree. Yifan had been contained within the acclimatisation chamber ever since his arrival, and only very few people had actually come eye to eye with the scarlet dragon, so the whole fortress was eager for a chance to finally see their newest addition that had created such a buzz.

Naturally they were all well accustomed to the sight of dragons, but the dragon's colour and whole demeanour simply commanded respect, which made him the focus of a lot of admiring attention.

Meeting all these other humans could have been unsettling or intimidating for the fledgling, but as Yixing had expected, Yifan didn't really seem to care about the fortress’ personnel bustling around. In spite of that, Yixing kept the dragon's attention focused on himself, drawing the other's mind towards his own. Just to be on the safe side. Yifan eagerly responded to the connection, seeking refuge in the calming, familiar presence of the trainer's consciousness. Yixing could feel the fledgling wanting to hurry, to run along the hallways until he could finally feel the fresh wind against his wings again and see the open sky above him, not through a tiny square high up in the wall, but the human doused the other’s enthusiasm enough for them to be able to walk at an unhurried pace.

When they turned the final corner, Yifan halted, making Yixing stop dead in his track as well. Before he could even turn towards the dragon to ask what was wrong, an overwhelming wave of excitement paired with disbelief hit him, strong enough to make a shudder run down his spine as he was a second too late in dampening their connection. A dragon's emotions were raw, so much stronger than a human's, and with time Yifan would learn to adjust the intensity of the ones he passed to the trainer. But in his inexperienced state, Yixing was the one who had to make sure that the dragon wasn't overwhelming him with the rawness of his feelings.

Yixing knew that Yifan had been watching the sky from the acclimatisation chamber but there was a difference to watching through a barred opening that was too small for the dragon to even fit his head through and seeing the courtyard stretch into the distance through the gate at the end of the hallway. True to Yixing's expectations, Yifan only remained still for a split-second before throwing himself back into motion, his pace faster than before as the dragon rushed outside, leaving Yixing behind.

It had the trainer's heart beat faster in accordance to the dragon's quickening pulse, spurred on half by the fledgling's excitement that was dominating their mental connection and half by the fear that as soon as Yifan was outside, it would not take more than a few strong beats of his wings and he would disappear into the mountains, to never be seen again. Watching the dragon race towards the courtyard finally unfroze Yixing from his stupor, and before he knew it he was following after Yifan at a brisk pace, not quite running because he wanted to retain some of his composure but definitely moving faster than his usual walking speed.

He emerged from the gateway only a few moments after the dragon, just in time to see Yifan come to a halt in the middle of the courtyard. The dragon’s head was tilted upwards, taking in the blue sky dotted with white stretching above his head, and the mountains which lay beyond the cliff, rising up so high their peaks were obscured by the clouds.

Yixing felt a million new sensations filter through their connection; the scent of the fresh air, the wind hitting Yifan's scales and the membranes of his wings as he flapped them around a little in excitement, the sunlight being reflected from the snowy mountain faces and the stones of the courtyard blinding him for a heartbeat before his eyes adjusted. The plenitude of impressions knocked the air out of Yixing's lungs as he stumbled to a halt after a few steps out into the open. Even with his years of experience about dampening emotions, Yixing was having difficulties controlling the onslaught of feelings which were coming through their connection.

Perhaps it would have been the best choice to cut off their connection until Yifan had gotten a little more used to the new situation. Yixing was pretty sure that that was what trainers who took their protégés out for the first time usually did, but Yixing kept holding onto it tightly, as if letting go of Yifan's mind in that moment meant losing their bond—it did not, Yixing knew that, technically, but he blamed it on the effect of the dragon's emotions overtaking his mind that he was not being very rational in that moment.

The dragon seemed to have pretty much forgotten about his trainer in the light of the newfound freedom that presented itself to him. He stood there, his wings quivering and his chest heaving with the deep breaths he was taking, facing left and right as if to watch everything at once. And then, with his head thrown back, Yifan let out a cry that could have almost sounded desperate, but was a sign of the dragon's overflowing excitement instead.

Full-grown dragons rarely ever communicated over sounds, but fledglings did. Still too inexperienced with mental connections to reach out for their kin, the young one's often used cries to get the attention of other dragons. Yifan was trying to call for those he could feel the presence of as much as he was trying to give the feelings running rampant inside his ribcage some kind of outlet.

His call was answered instantly. At first it was just one dragon's voice that could be heard, then a second and third joined him, and soon dragon cries were filling the air. Their fortress was housing 23 dragons, Yifan included, but the echoes which were reflecting from the face of the mountains around them increased their volume and made it sound as if there were dozens calling to answer the fledgling.

Yifan took in the response to his instinctual cry with a new wave of intrigue, wonder and excitement, and before Yixing fully knew what was happening, the fledgling had fully unfolded his wings from where they had been quivering just a hair’s breadth above his back. Yixing had been worried about Yifan having difficulties flying, because like every other muscle, a dragon’s wings had to be trained, and the acclimatisation chamber wasn't exactly the perfect place for such a training to happen. But his worries proved to have been unwarranted as Yifan started beating his wings, the rush of air created by the motion letting dust rise from the ground, and with one strong leap, the dragon took off.

Seeing Yifan fly for the first time— _really_ fly—took Yixing back to that moment almost 13 years ago, when he had seen a dragon for the first time in his life. It was the same feeling of amazement and fascination that made him stare with his mouth open as his heart raced so fast it felt like it was bursting with an emotion he couldn't quite classify. The fledgling rose higher up into the sky as if he had been flying all his life and not as if he had spent most of it caged inside a room that could only offer a high ceiling for practicing his flying skills. Yixing watched in awe as Yifan moved through the air with strong beats.

All his worries that the dragon would disappear into the mountains the first chance he got were dispersed when Yifan spun around in the air to look back at Yixing, as if to make sure the trainer was still there. The dragon's jubilation filtered through their bond, and Yixing, despite being stuck to the ground, couldn't fight the instinct to spread his arms as well, a liberated laugh bubbling from his chest as Yifan cried out once more in excitement.

 

 

__

* 亦凡( _Yifan_ ) - “ordinary”


	3. Chapter 3

The other dragons took to Yifan better than Yixing could ever have dared to hope, accepting him as one of them right away. There were some dragons around Yifan's age, but even the older ones willingly put up with the newcomer who couldn't quite communicate himself properly yet. They engaged Yifan in games of chasing each other through the air and showed him to the cave in the mountains beyond the fortress' borders, where the dragons’ lairs were located.

They also had stables on the fortress' ground, lining the borders of the courtyard, but typically those boxes were only used when a dragon was sick, if, for some reason, they decided to stay close to the fortress or they wanted to keep away from the lair. Each dragon was assigned their own stable but usually, they all preferred the secluded cave. It dug into the mountain so high up that on some days it was hidden behind the clouds. There was no direct path leading there, meaning a human could only get there on a dragon’s back, but it was rare for a trainer to do as such. With the mental bonds preventing the dragons from simply disappearing and not returning, the cave was the closest they could get to letting the dragons live in their natural habitat.

Yifan, at first, chose his stable over the lair, much to Yixing's surprise—and, secretly, his elation, too, because the young dragon accidentally let it slip into one of their mental connections how the trainer's presence brought a sense of security to him. It had Yixing's chest swell with a mixture of affection and pride to know that the fledgling trusted him to such a degree, especially when their start had been a rather rocky one. But as Yifan spent more time with others of his kin, he grew more accustomed to being with them and that led to him quickly losing the hint of shyness that had been holding him back during the first few days.

It was a relief for Yixing to see that Yanmei had taken Yifan under her wing, so to speak, and that the fledgling got along well with the older dragoness. Yixing suspected that Zhixiang may have played a part in Yanmei stepping forward to assume the role of Yifan’s confidant and mentor alike, and the affections she harboured for Yixing must have also been filtering through. The dragoness enjoyed acting like she was Yixing’s mother, often doting on him as if she had raised the trainer. In a way Yixing, couldn't even argue with her. Even though Yixing had worked with her for many years, she had probably taught him more than he had ever taught her.

Yanmei was the first dragon Yixing had ever established a mental connection with, which was a given considering that she was the dragon his mentor was closest with. The dragoness was for Zhixiang what Yifan was for Yixing—the first dragon the trainer had ever been allowed to care for by himself. For the first few years, apprentices were only allowed to help train dragons together with their mentors or another fully qualified trainer, learning through gathering practical experience but without taking on any responsibility yet. After they were deemed ready, apprentices usually “shared” dragons, training them together with one or two others of a similar training level and a trainer who had graduated from apprenticeship. 

In these cases, all of them connected with the dragon, but neither bond went truly deeply. The multitude of them created the solidity necessary for keeping the dragon tied to the fortress. There was responsibility for all of them but it was distributed equally, meaning that the burden for everyone was lessened. Being given a dragon to train by oneself was a great privilege, one usually granted only after many years of garnering experience.

When Zhixiang decided that Yixing was doing well enough in their mental exercises to take the next step, he took the younger to meet Yanmei, the dragon he had been training for almost five years at that point. She was gentle, forgiving and patient. She never let Yixing’s clumsiness or lack of experience deter her. Which, the trainer reasoned, also made her the perfect mentor for the slightly clumsy fledgling Yifan still was. And the young dragon learned fast, so much faster than Yixing had back in his earlier days of training dragons. It was a given, considering that mental connections came naturally to them while they didn't to humans. And yet it amazed Yixing how well Yifan managed to adjust to his new life among his kin.

It was about a month after he had first introduced Yifan to the other dragons that Yixing walked out for his protégé’s first training session of the day, to find Yifan engaged in a heated game of chase with Li Jie and Liu Yang, two other dragons around Yifan's age. It was a scene Yixing had grown familiar with, watching dragons play, and yet the sight always managed to make him halt in his steps as he watched in wonder how the dragons soared through the sky, leaving only a tri-coloured streak in his vision whenever they decided to plunge down with their wings folded against their body before spreading them again to escape gravity just before they got too close to the ground.

It was the best kind of exercise dragons could get for their flying skills, having to learn how to pull more difficult and dangerous stunts in order to best each other and escape the playful teeth of the other contestants. Yixing was well accustomed to the dull ache of longing in his chest upon seeing how freely dragons were able to move through the air, but watching Yifan being engaged in playful competition like this, somehow made the ache feel a lot less dull than he was used to, instead it was a lot more urgent, sharper. Watching how the young dragon plunged and rose, change his directions with and against the wind and have an ochre or aquamarine shadow always right on his heels, made Yixing keenly aware of the fact that he was glued to the ground. He would never get to experience the kind of freedom he saw in the exhilaration of the dragon's chase. He would also never be able to be that kind of playmate for Yifan.

Back in the acclimatisation chambers, Yixing had played with the hatchling by throwing dragon treats up into the air, prompting Yifan to leap up and try to catch them mid air. It was a game meant to entertain the young dragon who was constantly stuck inside the room without much things to do to tire himself out but it was also meant to get the dragon to practice his flying skills a little. And yet, of course, it was only a cheap alternative to the kind of games other dragons could offer Yifan. Which, Yixing loathed to admit, irked him in a way he wouldn't have expected. 

This kind of entertainment, which made Yifan's blood rush through his veins in excitement, full of endorphins as the wind rushed past the membranes of his wings and lifted him higher and higher, was something Yixing would never be able to give the dragon. And for a reason he couldn't quite fathom, something about that upset him. It was a kind of possessiveness the trainer hadn't ever felt before and it threw him slightly off-guard, though he convinced himself that it might be a natural consequence of having a protégé of his own for the first time. 

_ Yifan,  _ Yixing called out after a few minutes of watching the dragons' game. The one in question, however, didn't react at all to the trainer's mind reaching out for his, keeping up with his chase as if nothing had happened.

_ Yifan,  _ he tried again, with more emphasis, but his calls went unanswered just like the first time. The dragon kept on soaring through the sky as if Yixing wasn't even there, too focused on the game with his playmates to even notice the trainer. And something about that rubbed Yixing the wrong way.

Without him even noticing, irritation bubbled up within him, making him furrow his forehead as he took a few more steps towards the center of the courtyard, hoping to attract the dragon to his physical presence if his mental one wasn't enough. He had never really put any particular strength behind his calls for Yifan, the younger's lack of experience with mental connections meaning that his mind was never really guarded or difficult to reach either way. 

But with the dragon refusing to react to any of Yixing's gentle prodding, he was left with no choice. The trainer huffed before taking a deep breath, concentrating all his senses on the dragon above him. When he next touched at Yifan's mind, there was not a trace of hesitancy left anymore, years of training giving Yixing the skills necessary to push against the dragon's mind with an intensity that would make it impossible to ignore him. He could see Yifan stumble in his flight as Yixing's presence hit him, and the human almost felt bad for it as he watched the other catch himself again.

_ Yixing,  _ the dragon answered. Li Jie and Liu Yang also stopped to hover mid air as the youngest of the three turned towards his trainer. The way he called out for Yixing was tinged with surprise but their connection quickly sang with the dragon's excitement at seeing the human.

Yixing overheard Yifan signalling his teammates that he'd have to ditch their game for now and then he was heading towards where the trainer was waiting for him. When Yifan landed, the beats of his wings created gusts of winds that knocked against Yixing's body, tugging at his clothes and dishevelling his hair. In the air, Yifan looked impressive and intimidating, for sure, gliding majestically through the sky with spread wings and making Yixing crane his neck whenever the dragon would pass over him, but the distance always made his size something less noticeable, less tangible. Like this on the ground, however, Yixing could very clearly tell just how much the dragon had grown. It almost felt surreal, knowing that the dragon standing before him, with his shoulders at Yixing’s hairline and his head far above Yixing’s, was the exact same dragon as the one that hadn't even reached up to Yixing's waist when he first saw him.

_I didn't notice you were here,_ Yifan declared, letting his joy over Yixing's presence filter through their connection as he leaned down to gently nudge the trainer's shoulder with his snout in greeting, a habit he had developed over the last few weeks.

_ I saw _ , Yixing replied, trying to sound not too sore even though he couldn't help feeling slightly miffed.  _ Did you guys have fun? _

_ We did! _ Yifan replied enthusiastically. He seemed about to leap into a big recounting of their game but halted before he could formulate any of the feelings, as if he had sensed something out of the ordinary.  _ Wait...are you jealous? _

The question caught Yixing off-guard, because for one,  _ he wasn't jealous _ . He just disliked being ignored. And secondly, he hadn't let any of his feelings seep into their connection, phrasing his questions with a neutral undercurrent to not let the dragon know of the slight upset brewing in his insides.

_ You're jealous because I played with them and didn't hear you call,  _ it sounded like the dragon was puzzling out the other's emotion in that very instant, being surprised himself by the revelation of what Yixing’s feelings meant. As soon as he had processed it, he emitted a wave of impish joy.  _ You're jealous! _

Yixing spluttered for a second, responding with a rash  _ I am not! _

Which was not the best way to sound believable in his denial, he had to admit himself, and it sparked amused snickers from the young dragon as Yifan took visible delight in his indignation. Being teased by his protégé caused a slight prickle of annoyance to run along Yixing’s spine but it was paired with a sense of surprise and disbelief that the dragon was even able to pick up such a complex emotion. It was a sign of how Yifan hadn’t only grown in physical size, but his mind had grown more perceptive. 

Without even realizing it, Yixing had been letting his guard down whenever he was connecting with Yifan, too sure of the dragon’s inexperience and his resulting inability to place what the flecks of emotions meant that might escape the trainer if he wasn’t focussing. It was not as if Yixing had left his mind wide open, but he suddenly realized that he also hadn’t been as careful with shielding his feelings off as he would be whenever he communicated with the adult dragons. 

The fact that Yifan had been able to pick up on Yixing’s irritation, even if there had only been minimal traces of it embedded in the thoughts Yixing projected towards Yifan, was an eye-opener for the progress the young dragon was making, now that he was able to connect with his kin regularly. It brought them one step closer to achieving a true mental connection. Right up until now, all their connections were more like a thin thread dangling between them, compared to the way a fully grown bond would make them link their minds together, getting into each other’s heads and surrounding oneself with the mental presence of the other.

_ Whenever you're done gloating, I would like to get started with today’s training.  _ No matter how neutral Yixing tried to keep his words in light of the newfound realization of the dragon’s ability to sense his emotions, he ended up sounding rather sulky either way. But the sensation of tinkling laughter Yifan emitted in response washed over Yixing like a warm ray of sunlight, making it impossible to hold onto whatever negative emotion he might have been feeling.

_ You know that I like  _ you  _ the best, Yixing.  _ The image transported with the words could vaguely be interpreted as a smirk, and Yifan accented his statement with a nudge to Yixing's shoulder, prompting the trainer to raise his hand to stroke along the dragon’s neck in the way he knew Yifan loved. The words were obviously meant to be a continuation of the teasing, but the genuinity underlying them registered with Yixing far stronger than the ribbing. It had Yixing’s heart beat a little faster as he let his fingers glide across the dragon’s scales.

_ Smooth-talking won't make me go easy on you, you know that.  _ Despite the strictness of his words, Yixing intentionally let a little bit of the fondness spreading in his chest seep into their connection, simply because he couldn’t help himself.

The reply he received was the mental image of a wide, toothy grin.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

Small pebbles crunched under Yixing’s feet as he made his way towards the center of the courtyard with Lu Han trailing closely behind him. Given the early hour, he had expected to be alone for his exercising, but when he had been picking up his spear from the armoury he had run into the doe eyed male. After a short greeting, Lu Han had wordlessly fallen into step beside Yixing.

The dark haired male was a year older than Yixing but unlike the younger who had lived at the fortress since he was a young teenager, Lu Han had served in the kingdom’s army for a few years before joining the dragon rearing facility at the age of 19. It meant that while Lu Han was Yixing’s senior in age, he was his junior when it came to their profession. Neither of that had ever played a role in their friendship, however. Much like with Zhixiang, Yixing and Lu Han had clicked immediately, but despite the difference in experience between them when it came to certain fields, they had never developed any sort of master-apprentice spin to their dynamic; the only thing between them was level-eyed companionship.

Lu Han's presence meant comfort, and familiarity for Yixing; the other was someone Yixing could share everything to. In his birth village, there hadn't lived many kids his age, and he had often been too busy with field work or helping in the house to be big on socializing with them. It meant that once he met Lu Han, he found his first best friend and through the years, their bond had only grown tighter.

The elder's disarming smile and his looks that could ensnare anyone had paved Lu Han’s way into being responsible for dealing with merchants on a regular basis, but the other's physical appearance was largely misleading for those who thought that Lu Han didn’t handle dragons because he was too fragile and unable to defend himself. Years of military service brought a lot of fighting training with them, which had given Lu Han strong muscles and agile movements; things that Yixing, even with his natural inclination towards rhythm and body-coordination, hadn't managed to catch up to yet.

They silently started their warming up sequences as soon as they had reached their usual spot in the courtyard, both in their own little worlds as they flowed from one stance into the next, a well-practiced routine for both of them. Training together always lent itself for sparring, naturally, but Yixing liked it better to use the time around sunrise, when the world was still tinged in shades of blue, for practicing his forms rather than simulating something resembling the heat of battle.

The air was crisp, and while Yixing had shivered when first stepping out of the stone building, he was now grateful for the lightness of his training clothes as the exercise was pumping his blood faster through his veins. In spite of the low temperatures, he quickly worked up a slight sweat. This early, their laboured breathing and spears slicing through thin air, the red tassels right beneath the blade rustling with every move, were the only sounds in the silence that was covering the mountain range.

Going through his forms always felt like dancing to Yixing, a predetermined routine with his spear being like an extension of his body. All of his attention was focused on moving his body in accordance to the wooden staff. It was a form of meditation as much as it was fighting practice, the repetitive movement patterns, the practiced way of breathing; it all put Yixing into a mental state where only him and his spear existed. His forehead was glistening with a sheen of sweat when they both came to the end of their warming up sequence, proving that it had lived up to its name. They shared a glance and were ready to fall into the actual practicing, when Yixing halted.

He sensed Yifan's presence a few seconds before he actually heard the strokes of the dragon's wings, followed by seeing Yifan's figure in the distance, emerging from the dragons' lair. Mumbling a quick apology to Lu Han for having their training interrupted, he turned to take a few steps towards where dragon was alighting, the gust of wind his wings created sending pebbles flying left and right.

_ What are you doing here?  _ Yixing asked as soon as Yifan responded to the mental connection, hands instinctively finding their way to the dragon’s cheeks, savouring the lingering warmth the other constantly emitted as if there was a fire constantly burning beneath his scales.

_ I heard your heartbeat and wanted to see why you’re agitated,  _ Yifan sounded faintly worried, hinting at the fast pulse thrumming underneath Yixing’s skin. 

The trainer quickly responded with a memory of his training session, but even the reassurance didn’t qualm the feeling of discomfort Yifan’s mind emitted, adding to Yixing’s suspicion that the dragon might not have been perfectly honest about his reason for coming down. Yes, dragons did have way better senses of hearing and smelling than humans did, but from the distance of the lair it seemed rather unlikely that Yifan had actually picked up on something as faint as the trainer’s heartbeat.

_ What’s really the matter? _ He asked, easily able to tell that there was something the dragon was keeping from their connection; Yifan had become way better at controlling which emotions he showed, hiding away those he didn’t want to be seen, but the effort of it still made him tense. Whenever he would push something into the depths of his own mind so Yixing wouldn’t be able to see it, it gave everything the dragon projected a stilted, strained undercurrent. It made it easy for Yixing to tell that Yifan was hiding  _ something,  _ even if he was unable to tell what that something was. Instead of probing, or trying to dig into Yifan’s mind to unearth why the other was fidgeting slightly, he sent a wave of acceptance and genuine curiosity tinged with worry.

Yifan exhaled deeply as he lowered his head enough to be able to press it against Yixing’s chest, his wordless request for Yixing’s hug, which the human eagerly provided. 

_Did you only want cuddles,_ Xiao Fan _?_ Fond amusement tinged Yixing’s words, but Yifan only pressed closer, not even acknowledging the slightly teasing tone.

For a few heartbeats, nothing but the low hum of seeking comfort in each other’s mental and physical presences filled their connection, then Yifan conceded.  _ I couldn’t sleep. _

Beneath the words, he added a memory of the dull aching and itching of his bones and muscles which had disturbed his night’s rest. The dragon had entered a new growth spurt a few days ago, his wings stretching even further apart and his chest rising to hover higher above the ground as his legs extended. It made Yixing wonder just how big the scarlet dragon would turn out to be, but he already had an inkling that he would best all the other dragons at the fortress in size. Calling him  _ Xiao Fan  _ was almost an absurdity, considering how small the human himself was compared to the dragon, but he just couldn’t help himself when Yifan was still behaving like a child whenever he was around Yixing.

Yixing replied with a silent wave of understanding and compassion, and rubbed comforting circles into the underside of Yifan’s chin. The dragon let out a huff of air that sounded like a contented sigh, eyes drooping closed. There was an undeniable sleepiness clinging to Yifan, a sign that the unsatisfying state of slipping in and out of consciousness, more of a dozing than actual restful slumber, still held the dragon in its grip. A low, purr-like growl rolled from the back of the dragon’s throat, and for a moment Yixing forgot all about the fact that he had been in the middle of spear practice. He was brought back to the presence by the sound of Lu Han’s feet shuffling over the stony floor, and he toned down the fond smile on his face to a more neutral expression. Yifan, noticing the shift in Yixing’s posture, reluctantly retreated a little to give the trainer more space, staying close enough however that Yixing could gently splay his hand against the dragon’s cheek.

_ As soon as the apothecary is up, I’ll go see if I can fetch you some Dewgold to help with the pain,  _ Yixing’s words were underlaid with an apology. It didn’t sit well with the trainer that he couldn’t ease Yifan’s discomfort right away.

_ It’s okay,  _ Yifan replied, sending a wave of gratefulness by means of accepting the trainer’s offer of getting him the pain-numbing herb. Another moment of silence passed between them, then Yifan recalled the other’s training clothes and the slight sheen of sweat which had dried on his skin already. By now the trainer’s heartbeat was almost back to a normal pace as he had focussed himself on a feeling of calm to ease the dragon.

_ Sorry for interrupting,  _ Yifan apologized with a hint of embarrassment about whining to the trainer, and regret that it had interfered with Yixing’s schedule.

It was Yixing’s turn to tell the other not to worry about it, tacking on  _ Xiao Fan _ at the end again because it made their connection sing with Yifan’s contentment. Whenever Yifan was fully awake, he tended to rebel against the diminutive, but right now the dragon was still sleepily affectionate.

A gust of wind sweeping over the plateau and right through his clothes sent Yixing shivering, reminding him of how his body had already cooled down from the heat he had worked up through his exercise. It reminded him that he really should get back to his spear and Lu Han. Yifan, catching his train of thoughts, took a few steps back, urging the human to go and continue his training while Yifan would settle somewhere in vicinity. The dragon acknowledged Lu Han’s presence with a huff and a nod of his head, and Lu Han reciprocated with a “Good morning” that sounded awfully cheerful considering the early hour.

Yixing returned to Lu Han’s side after patting Yifan’s leg one last time, apologizing again to his best friend for having interrupted their training flow. Lu Han just smiled and told him not to worry, that they had time, and Yixing answered with a smile of his own, picking up the spear he had carelessly placed onto the ground.

Since the effect of their warming up sequences had already evaporated, they restarted from the very beginning transitioning into their actual practice. It didn't take long until perspiration was beading on Yixing’s forehead again as he changed from one stance into the next, wielding the spear as if it was a part of his body, an extension of his arm and not a separate entity. The sturdy material of his high-collared tunic shirt was meant to provide a certain degree of protection, while at the same time not constricting his movements. His pants were made from simple cotton, their only purpose being to grant him full agility, and he appreciated how his training clothes never hindered him, no matter which way he moved his body. Like this he could empty his mind, no physical restraint to pull him out of his training routine while he was fully focused on the comfortable burn of his muscles.

It was a bit weird, to know that Yifan was watching them, lying on the ground about four metres away, curled up with his tail around his body and his head resting on his bent legs. Yifan's presence was a comforting weight in Yixing's mind, their connection lying as dormant as the dragon himself, present enough for Yixing to know that Yifan was dozing slightly. The trainer allowed the relaxation that practicing the spear always brought him fill his mind enough that he knew the other would feel it as well.

The only indication for the passing of the time was the sun that slowly started to creep over the mountain tops, gradually giving colour to the shades of blue which surrounded them. The rays of light licking across the courtyard prodded the dragon awake; Yixing could feel it in the way Yifan’s focus landed on his and Lu Han's bodies moving through their training routine.

He didn't know if the dragon actually intended to let his fascination filter through to the trainer or whether it was just his sleepy mind that wasn't in full control yet but Yixing could clearly tell that Yifan was marveling at their forms, and the seemingly effortless flow, as if they started moving once and then didn't stop, without thinking, until they had reached the last stance.

The wave of admiration broke Yixing a little out of his concentration, his mind unable to decide whether to turn smug or shy under the admiring attention. From the corner of his eye he could see Lu Han's mouth twitch into a grin. Yifan's mind was so unguarded that even the elder, who wasn't connected with the dragon, could tell that they were being watched closely, and with intrigue. When the doe eyed male puffed himself up, making sure to give the dragon a proper show by progressing into more difficult stances which Yixing couldn't yet hope to accomplish properly, the younger trainer decided to settle on smugness as well. It spurred Yixing to push his limits even further than he usually already did.

When the two of them finally came to the end of their sequences, they were breathing heavily. Yixing's muscles burned as he allowed them to relax, a tingling coursing underneath his skin as his legs felt like jelly. He met Lu Han's gaze as they were both trying to catch their breath, and within a heartbeat they broke into laughter. It started as a giggle, rapidly growing in intensity until they both had to hold their own weight up by leaning on their spears as their exhausted bodies couldn’t balance the strain of their guffaw. 

"You should watch us train more often," Lu Han's voice was slightly breathless when he addressed Yifan who was visibly confused. The dragon was trying to puzzle out what kind of joke he had missed, his head tilted to the side in thought. When Yixing refused to explain why they were laughing, annoyance joined the confusion. 

Yifan was still whining at the trainer to let him in on the joke when Yixing was already back inside the fortress, peeling out of his training clothes for a quick refreshing shower, but the human kept mum. Secretly, he felt accomplished about how the matter seemed to have succeeded in taking Yifan's mind off of his growing pains, for a little while at least.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

Leaving Yifan alone for the first time instilled a stronger sense of unsettlement in Yixing than he liked to admit. Yifan wouldn’t even be truly alone while the trainer was gone—there were other dragons to keep him company, and Lu Han had promised to make sure to administer Yifan his daily dose of Dewgold for as long as the growing pains lasted. Yixing had toyed with the idea of asking either his best friend or Zhixiang to continue Yifan's training in his absence, but in the end he had decided that a few slow days probably wouldn't hurt the dragon, especially now that he was readjusting to his new wing and body size.

Along with his physical growth, Yifan was maturing faster than Yixing would have expected. Never before had he followed a dragon’s development from such young age, had never been linked with one in something resembling the bond a dragon had with their parent, so it was new for Yixing to feel the change in their bond. Of course he had learnt about the maturing process of dragons and how it affected their bonds; he had read a ton of books during his apprenticeship, and Zhixiang had taught him all about it whenever they had sat together for his theoretical lessons, but it was still a different matter to know something and to experience it first-hand.

He could feel the changes in their bond as the dragon grew and matured. As a primary bond, his connection with Yifan would not snap or disappear as long as they both nurtured it. Even once the dragon reached adulthood, he would still rely on the warmth and comfort of it, but it would take longer before the dragon’s mind would be screaming to be close to Yixing’s again. It was as if over time, a primary bond became longer and longer—in the beginning, it was short and required them to virtually always be close, physically as much as mentally.  Yet as the dragon grew, so did the bond, expanding to accommodate a farther distance between them. It also allowed for a longer time to pass after a mental connection before the next one was necessary. It was the only reason why Yixing could leave the fortress for an extended period of time in the first place. Even though Yifan whined about not wanting to be apart from the trainer, it wouldn't cause any harm for the dragon with the way their bond had already loosened a good bit.

In these phases, when the primary bond gradually lost its tightness, young dragons occasionally rebelled against their parents, much like human children did when they grew to be teenagers. Yifan, however, wasn't rebelling at all. 

If anything, the dragon was rather on the clingy side. Some part of Yixing preened at how attached Yifan was to him, but he pushed that part down deep enough that it would neither be sensed by the dragon nor gain too much power over him. There was something egoistic and selfish in wanting the dragon to be attached to him and only him. It was not  _ necessarily _ something bad to enjoy the feeling of being needed but Yixing knew that this state would not last; Yifan would not be this dependant on him his whole life, and sooner or later he would have to let go of this feeling of possessiveness that wanted Yifan to view the trainer as the most important presence in his life. So Yixing reasoned it was for the best to not let himself grow too used to it in the first place.

There were two hearts beating inside his chest as the trainer was folding enough clothes for a week to fit into his traveling backpack, checking twice whether he had everything he needed before closing its fasteners. On one hand, Yixing didn't want to part with Yifan any more than the dragon did, and Yixing had lived at the fortress so long that he regarded it as his home, filled with fond memories and friends he loved spending time with. He still had a second home though, the one he had been born in, and his grandfather's deteriorating health made his visit to his family's house long overdue. It had been a bit over a year since he had last visited his family because Yifan’s training had kept him tied to the fortress for months. 

He was excited to see his family again, missing the embrace of his mother and the smell of her home-cooked food, the silent companionship of his father and the warmth of his grandparents, but having to leave Yifan behind was the mood-dampener in what otherwise was a vacation he was whole-heartedly looking forward to. 

The sun had barely even risen when he slung the leather strap of his baggage over his shoulder, casting one last glance across his room to make sure there wasn‘t anything left that he had laid out in preparation but then forgotten to pack. Nothing caught his attention, his room lying before him as if it was almost uninhabited. He didn‘t own a lot, his clothes and the few books he had purchased on the few trips he had made down into the valley easily fitting into the wooden cupboard backed against the wall. On usual days he wouldn’t pay too much attention to how accurately folded his bedlinen were in the morning, but now that he would leave his room for multiple nights he had taken extra care to leave his bed behind in a tidy state. The only signs of him in the room were the little drawing of his family placed on his desk together with a small, stone dragon figure his grandparents had given him right before he departed for the fortress as a scrawny 14-year-old, and his scale armour dangling from a hook next to the door together with his iron gauntlets and leather gloves.

As a last thought he grabbed the latter. It was nearing summer, the temperatures slowly rising, but it would still be a few more weeks until it would be warm enough to melt most of the snow, leaving only the highest mountains from the range topped with white. His family’s farm was located near the foot of the mountains, and in order to shorten his travel time, Huang Lei always allowed him to travel on the back of one of the fortress’ dragons. Like that he could cover the distance within a day, but he also had to brave the icy winds, which made it necessary for him to wear gloves to protect his fingers and the coat which could be fastened up all the way to his chin to keep him warm on the way down into the valley.

The air was fresher than it had been the last few mornings, and Yixing pulled his coat slightly closer around himself when he stepped out of the building. He had already said his goodbye to Zhixiang and Lu Han the day before; he would only be gone for a week, so saying his farewell hadn‘t really been a big affair. Yifan was a different case however.

When he had found out that Yixing would ride to his parents‘ farm on Xu Bai’s back, the dragon had reacted with slight outrage, demanding that he could just as well be the one to carry Yixing. Of course the trainer also wished to spend the day-long travel with Yifan, but especially with the growing spurts the dragon was currently going through and all the adapting to the changes he needed to do, it was out of the question for Yifan to fly such a long distance. Especially considering how young he still was. Yifan was strong, stronger than others his age, but he wasn’t yet cut out for a whole day’s travel up in the air, and the dragon had to admit to that himself eventually, albeit contritely. He hadn’t stopped whining, however, even when Yifan knew he was being unrealistic in his demands and Yixing couldn’t even be annoyed with him since he understood Yifan‘s intentions so well.

Half of him had expected for Yifan to be sulking, but at the same time he also wasn‘t surprised to see the giant shape of the scarlet dragon waiting in the courtyard a bit of a distance away from where Xu Bai was awaiting their departure. Yixing sent the smaller, dark-blue dragon a quick greeting and received a half-asleep seeming acknowledgement, then he turned his attention towards Yifan.

The younger dragon refused their mental connection at first, and Yixing wondered for a second whether Yifan had only come down to spite him, letting the trainer feel just how upset he was at being left behind, but his second prodding was answered with a sigh from Yifan‘s side, as if the dragon resigned himself to being unable to resist Yixing.

“Hey.” Yixing came to a halt in front of Yifan after a few strides, able to look right into the dragon‘s eyes. The emotions he could feel swirling in their connection were being mirrored in the big amber orbs, and he forcefully toned down the feeling of reluctance at parting with Yifan in order to not give the dragon too much ammunition for trying to convince him to stay. Although he did allow a little bit of it to seep out, in order to show Yifan that his sentiment was shared.

There were words on the tip of Yixing‘s tongue, but before he could let them slip out, Yifan moved forward and hooked his head over Yixing‘s shoulder, drawing the trainer‘s body close to his. The movement startled Yixing for a second, but then he gladly accepted the dragon‘s version of a hug, lifting his arms up until he could wrap them around Yifan‘s neck, even if it meant tiptoeing a little. Hot air brushed down his back as Yifan breathed, and Yixing stroked gently over the dragon’s scales as he let his mind be flooded by the comfort singing through their connection. 

He knew Yifan was just as reluctant to let him go, but eventually Yixing had to pull back, gently dampening down their bond to signal the dragon that it was time for him to leave. Yifan remained unmoving for a second, then he lifted his head to give the trainer his freedom back. A beat of silence passed between them before Yixing gathered his bearings, knowing that he better get this goodbye over with. It was only temporary anyway, and he knew that Yifan would be looked after well in his absence.

“Be good while I'm gone,  _ Xiao Fan, _ ” he said, his hands patting the dragon‘s throat right below his cheek affectionately, feeling the dragon hum lowly in what could either be acknowledging the instruction or appreciating the touch. It made Yixing smile. “Don‘t trouble Lu Han too much. I‘ll be back before you know it.”


	4. Chapter 4

No matter how many years had passed since he left the valley behind, seeing the rocky surface of the mountains’ offshoots make way for lush forests and green fields as he came closer to his native village never failed to invoke an emotion within Yixing that he couldn't quite put into words. It was longing and belonging thrown together with nostalgia, a muffled reverberation of his childhood memories, filling his chest.

His feet touched the ground together with the last sun rays of the day, the blood red ball of light disappearing behind the jagged mountain tops by the time he had readjusted his backpack and pulled the leather gloves from his hands. The grass beneath his boots was slightly damp, speaking of rain that had fallen during the day and Yixing sent a silent thank you to the heavens that they hadn't been hit by a sudden downpour on their way. 

He liked rain, in general. As a child, rainy weather had always meant that his father didn't have to go out onto the field to water the plants and instead tended to repairs in their house, often letting young Yixing help him with small tasks and after a day full of work, Yixing's mother would sit with him by the window to watch the droplets pelting down outside, telling him about how rain was giving life to the plants and animals, having the little boy marvel at how much power the crying sky possessed. 

As he aged, the fascination had made way to appreciation, the constant tapping of the rain drops automatically calming him down and the smell of petrichor tempting him into taking deeper breaths than he usually would. But, as much as he liked rain when he was in the fortress or his parents' home, on the back of a dragon, cutting through the air a good few feet above the ground, was not the place where he wanted to be bracing that specific life-giving force of nature.

Xu Bai huffed silently as he folded his wings back against his body, prompting Yixing to let his hands glide along his neck in silent gratitude for carrying him down into the valley. He considered offering the dragon to stay near his family's house, getting a night's rest before making the way back up to the fortress, but before he could even fully formulate the thought, Xu Bai was nudging him with his snout as if to catch his attention. Seconds later, their mental connection filled with images of the dragon's lair and the little nest he had built there, together with a warm feeling that spoke of comfort and home.

_ I still have enough strength left to make it back. _

Yixing didn't argue, knowing that the cave high up in the mountains and the proximity of the other dragons would provide Xu Bai with way more comfort than the make-shift sleeping place built from hay in the courtyard of Yixing’s parents’ house. He would have loved to put the other into the stables, but the place where his family kept their livestock was simply too small to house a fully-grown dragon. 

They had landed on one of the open fields a little way outside the village in order to not scare any of the cattle being kept in the area, and Yixing didn't mind walking the short distance towards his parents' house, the air brisk and the darkening sky revealing one star after another. Xu Bai trotted after him silently. It was the least Yixing could do, to provide the dragon with a meal before sending him off again, and the promise of food made Xu Bai’s stomach rumble, so the dragon followed him to the farmhouse without protest.

With the quickly fading light, the lit lanterns shining from the windows of his parent's house were the first things that caught Yixing's eye, the silhouette of the dark wooden structure barely distinguishable against the backdrop of the falling night. It was no pompous house as his family wasn't very wealthy but it was enough to get by, providing his family with warmth, a place to sleep and protection against the forces of nature.

Yixing had sent his mother a message to inform her that he would come visit, but he hadn't specified when exactly he'd arrive, mainly because at that time he hadn't been certain himself yet. Between Xu Bai's dark-blue scales and his own dark coat concealing the white half of his best tunic—he had decided to dress up a little—they were two shadows hidden by the fading light of dusk. Yixing wasn't surprised that his mother didn't notice them approaching until he was close enough that the crunching of the small stones from the pathway leading up to their house carried over to her.

Yixing could make out her silhouette from a distance, seeing her lean up to light the remaining lanterns to illuminate the small courtyard at night. When she heard his footsteps, her head whipped around, eyes squinting as they adjusted from the brightness of the flame to the falling darkness lingering beyond the opened gates. As soon as she was able to make out shadows in the dark, she immediately knew who was approaching the little farmhouse; the big shape of the dragon following closely behind him was a dead giveaway even if his mother could not see his face. 

Her mouth fell open in surprise, and he was sure he could hear a small gasp escape her, before she broke out of her momentary motionlessness. Suddenly, there was a flurry of movement as she hastily blew out the candle she had been using to light the lanterns, letting it drop unceremoniously to the ground before she turned and rushed into his direction without losing any time.

Seeing his mother run towards him had Yixing hasten his steps as well. He was tempted to break into a run himself, but he knew it would be better to have stable footing to balance the impact of her crushing into his body—she had more strength than her slender form might have suggested. The distance between them was too small for him to think about it too much either way, because the next second his mother was already flinging her arms around him, pulling him close in an embrace of familiarity. Yixing's heart sighed contently. 

She was a head and a half smaller than him, and yet being enveloped by her made Yixing feel like a little boy again, his own hands automatically falling to her back as he reciprocated the hug. The fabric of her dress was silken beneath his fingertips and he leaned down until it was more him wrapping around his mother than the other way round. His head leaned on his mother's shoulder so he could inhale the scent that was distinctly her and he heard her whisper his name over and over again, her hands balling the fabric of his coat in her hands as if she meant to never let him go again.

It amazed Yixing how his mother's effect on him was always the same, unchanging even as he aged. All his reluctance to leave the fortress was forgotten, at least for the moment as he clung to her the very same way he had done when he had returned back home the first time, so many years ago.

"You look good," his mother eventually spoke up, her hands moving from his back to grip his upper arms instead as she leaned back a little to muster him, a choked up quality to her voice. She tried to get rid of it by clearing her throat, making Yixing smile back at her fondly.

"You do too," he said, smoothing her hair down, and using his hold to pull her back against his chest for a second hug. 

If Yixing was being honest, there were more grey strands in his mother's hair than there had been when he had last been around to visit. Her shoulders were bonier, and her cheeks weren't as full anymore. She didn't look haggard, ailing or as if she had been too short on money to buy enough food to survive, but it was easy to tell that her father's worsening health had left its marks. Yixing had expected it—of course his mother wouldn't stay unaffected—but he still had to fight down the slight wave of guilt welling up at not having been here earlier and at being unable to stay for long. All he could do was ease a bit of the burden off her shoulders for the time being, and so he put on his best dimpled smile, the one he had learned from the woman currently in his arms. When they parted, she smiled right back at him, before her expression morphed into one of realization.

"Oh my, you've traveled all day, haven't you? Come, come, you must be hungry!" She exclaimed, cradling his cheeks as if to measure whether he was chubby enough—he was fairly sure he failed the motherly test, as he always did and always would. He saw her move as if to grab his arm to pull him inside the house, but then she stilled in her movements as Xu Bai let out a heavy breath. Due to his still present connection with the dragon, Yixing could feel that he wasn't feeling bored or neglected but his mother jumped slightly, nonetheless, and immediately rounded him to get closer to the giant reptile creature.

"Where are my manners!" She muttered, more to herself than to the dragon, folding her hands in front of her stomach and bowing slightly. "Thank you for carrying my son." 

Her gratitude was answered by another huff, this one with dismissive intent, but his mother brushed it off. Instead, she tentatively eyed the dragon before stretching a hand out, only coming into contact with the dragon’s scales after Xu Bai had lowered his head in an almost submissive gesture. Yixing watched the little exchange with a feeling of fondness blossoming in his chest—his mother had never been particularly excited about dragons, far too intimidated by their size and strength, and without much exposure to them, it wasn’t easy for her to lose her wariness. Over the years, Yixing had brought home a few dragons, which had helped familiarize her with them. So even though she still retained a little awkwardness when dealing with dragons, she now dared to approach and actually touch them. It made Yixing feel very proud of her for overcoming her fears.

"You must be hungry as well," she mused as her hand glided down Xu Bai's snout. Another hot breath of air, and Yixing's mother was nodding to herself as if to emphasize the dragon's agreement. She then turned back to Yixing, her eyebrows drawn up in question. "Will..." she trailed off, her eyes darting back to the dragon.

"Xu Bai." 

"Will Xu Bai stay with us for the night?" She asked, looking at the dragon first and then at him, eyebrows raised slightly in question.

There was not one specific dragon Yixing always took down to the village, he went with whoever was available, and each of these dragons had their own preference in terms of how they liked to spend the night, either preferring to rest in the valley or travel right back. It meant that Yixing's mother was accustomed to letting dragons stay behind their house, but she also knew that not each of them liked the meadow, which didn't offer any cover aside from the few low-hanging branches of the trees which stood in the vicinity of the house, a weak excuse to the solid stone walls of the lair’s cave.

"No, he wants to return to the fortress tonight already," Yixing answered for Xu Bai, and his mother hummed lowly in her throat as a sign of understanding.

"Then there's no time to be lost. Let's find something to feed the both of you!" She exclaimed, and turned to catch Yixing's arm before basically dragging him inside, Xu Bai trotting after him. Through their bond Yixing could feel the dragon's trickling amusement at seeing him so weak to his mother’s handling.

_ Well, what can you do? She's my mother. _

Xu Bai's huff sounded like a laugh and agreement at the same time.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

The speed in which his mother whipped up a whole meal from a few leftovers of the family dinner and some extra ingredients she had him fetch from the pantry amazed Yixing. It wasn't even an hour later until he was sat at their big dining table with all the other residents of the house surrounding him with familiar chatter and excited questions about how he was doing. His mother had suggested to prepare a little table in the courtyards so that they'd be able to dine together with Xu Bai, but Yixing had assured her that there was no need to go out of her way. As long as they maintained their mental connection, he was essentially keeping the dragon company either way. They had given Xu Bai what was left of the pork they hadn't cooked yet, and his father insisted on dispatching a chicken for the dragon, as recompense for going through the trouble of carrying Yixing all day.

His hunger made Yixing want to inhale all the food which he hadn't tasted in far too long, but being the center of the conversation resulted in dinner taking even longer than it usually would, the dishes already cooled down when he took the last bite, his stomach filled so much he felt like bursting.

Xu Bai had waited in the courtyard, napping while Yixing reconnected with his family, using the little down time to draw energy from the food and the short rest. The trainer signaled for him to wake up with a gentle mental nudge when he stepped out of the house. Xu Bai's slumbering shape took up almost half of the cobbled courtyard floor. Due to their innate alertness, the dragon was up within a second, fluttering his wings slightly in a gesture that was equal to a human stretching their stiff muscles after waking. His parents bowed to Xu Bai, thanking him again for carrying their son back to them, and then Yixing stepped forward. He kept his own farewell short, knowing he'd see the dragon again before long, so he only expressed his gratitude once more and wished the other a safe travel back. Xu Bai answered him with a curt nod, telling him to have fun with his family, before he took off into the sky with a few powerful beats of his wings.

The stark difference between parting with Xu Bai and parting with Yifan struck Yixing for a short second, but then his parents were surrounding him again before the thought could properly bud, pulling him back inside the house to warm up in front of the fireplace.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

The next few days went by in a rush of getting up before the sun had even risen to help on the fields and tending to his parents' livestock, helping with repairs that hadn't yet been completed because there was never enough time for his parents to do them and sitting together with his grandparents in the open living area, playing Xiangqi or recounting stories about the dragons at the fortress to them.

He accompanied his mother to the market, making sure to buy a few of her favourite, slightly pricier herbs to sneak into their bags without her noticing, and he let all the villagers prod him with questions and fingers—the latter in cases of the older ladies who had known him ever since he was a little boy, at least. They praised him for having grown into such a handsome man all while scolding him for being so thin. He smiled at them, not minding their good-natured berating and willingly engaged in conversations with them.

The news of him being home had travelled through the whole village within less than a day. One farmer seeing the shape of Xu Bai against the night sky when he had taken off towards the fortress had been all it took to have the news spread like wildfire. And even if he went to the market by himself, it was easy to recognize him, even for those who hadn't seen him in years. Everyone knew immediately who he was; the child of the Zhang household who had chosen dragons over sheep and chicken. 

He had taken the most casual, farmer-like clothes he could find in his wardrobe with him, but even they still made him stand out amongst the villagers with their wide cotton pants and their loose tunic shirts. Almost all of his clothes were crafted from sturdy material, one that wouldn't tear if it got caught on the scales of a dragon and that helped him retain his body heat even when the icy winds were ripping through the mountain range. 

They didn’t have uniforms at the fortress but all their clothes were sewn by the same group of tailors, which were well-versed in how to procure and treat cloth that was durable enough to survive the day to day work of a dragon trainer. It gave all of their garments so much of a sense of similarity, that dressing in uniforms might not have made that much of a difference anymore. The only clothes he owned which were different were his two formal tunics, the ones he had to own in case very high officials or nobles were to come to the castle personally with the wish to purchase a dragon. However, he could count the instances that these had seen the world outside his wardrobe on one hand.

On the evening of the third night, his parents told him to dress in his best clothes, and Yixing was torn between donning the black and white tunic he had arrived in and wearing the outfit that classified as “best” from his more casual set of clothes. He didn’t want to be so overdressed he’d stand out even more, meaning that he wasn’t sure whether to take the “best” literally or not. In the end he did go with his second-best clothes, but his mother hummed in appreciation when he stepped into the courtyard to join his parents and grandparents by the gate, so he reasoned that his choice of outfit was approved of. 

Even with his family refusing to tell him where they were headed, it wasn’t difficult to make an educated guess, and his suspicion solidified the closer they got to the centre of the village. He knew he had been right when they rounded a corner and the central square came into sight, lit with lampions and tables and benches lining the cobbled floor, providing enough space for the whole village to be seated. In one corner, people were carrying steaming pots and plates from the adjacent restaurants to be distributed equally all over the space. Whenever he came by to visit, there would be a feast like this, where all the villagers came together to eat and drink, talk and dance until late into the night. These celebrations weren’t reserved exclusively to whenever he would return home—they happened quite regularly, in fact—but his return always provided a perfect excuse for holding another night of filled stomachs and sociable laughter.

Yixing gladly let himself be swept away into the villagers’ exuberance, the sound of clinking bowls and pots being replaced by the gentle hum of instruments and melodic voices as the night progressed. A few people jumped up from their seats when the music started, dragging whoever was in their reach with them, and before long one corner of the square had been cleared of tables and benches to make space for the villagers twirling around in accordance to the songs. 

Yixing, who hadn’t had many opportunities to dance the traditional dances of his village up in the fortress, could only rely on his muscle memory from before he had left his home. Back then, these kind of gatherings had still been an integral part of his life. The aunt who was running one of the restaurants in the village centre didn’t listen to his half-hearted excuses of why he couldn’t join the dancing, how he had forgotten everything with his lack of practice, and dragged him up from his seat either way. She overheard his protests and overlooked his mistakes, leading him until the music crept into his body again, taking over his muscles until he was moving without thinking and without a care in the world, just like everyone else was.

He changed dance partners with every song that night, sometimes even multiple times before one melody had ended and a new one could begin. Everyone wanted to get a piece of his attention while he was there, old and young alike, and when it finally was his mother reaching out her hand towards him in a silent request, his forehead was matted with a thin layer of sweat and he was grinning as carelessly as if he was 17 years old again. His mother laughed at his enthusiasm, the sound prettier than the music to his ears. After a few more songs and people he was adjusting his movements to, he eventually decided to take a break, his muscles tingling pleasantly from the form of exercise his body was unaccustomed to. He bowed out politely from the circle of villagers, passing the hand of the girl he had last danced with on to a guy he had known since the other was barely old enough to walk. The merry movement continued even after he had slipped away, and he quickly scanned the remaining tables to find the one where his mother was sitting. 

She was caught up in a conversation with one of her friends, but when the two of them caught Yixing approaching, the friend patted her shoulder, and Yixing caught her saying “I’ll let you get some time with your boy.” 

The trainer contemplated stopping the elder lady, wanting to say that there was no need to leave, but the other had already gotten up. She nodded to him in greeting, so he bowed back at her as they passed each other, before sinking down on the seat beside his mother. He passed her one of the glasses he had carried over, raising his own glass in a toast as soon as she had picked hers up with a grateful smile, and they drank in silence. His grandparents had moved to a table closer to the sidelines, where they were huddling together with their friends, and his father—as much of a lightweight when it came to alcohol as Yixing was—was lying on his folded arms on the table next to his mother, snoring lightly.

“You seemed to have fun over there, dancing,” his mother noted, her gaze trained to the bustling crowd, just like Yixing’s was.

“So did you,” he cheekily replied, earning him a little chuckle and a low hum of agreement.

“You know,” she started again, her voice trailing off slightly as she took another sip from her drink, “that girl you danced with just now, Li Fei…” Another pause, but Yixing knew exactly where the conversation was headed, even if she wouldn’t have continued. He swallowed his sigh with another swig from his glass, letting the alcohol burn down his throat.

“She’s pretty, isn’t she?”

A noncommittal hum.

“Her mother is quite the beauty as well.” It almost sounded conversational, her contemplative tone and her eyes trained on the young girl laughing as one of the guys twirled her around but Yixing was well aware that the casual tone of her voice was misleading. There was intention behind her words, even though Yixing wasn’t sure his mother was fully conscious of it. From the corner of his eye he caught her gaze straying towards him, and back to the front again when he didn’t turn away from watching the joyful scene.

For a second Yixing was half convinced she would drop the topic but, instead, she sat up a bit straighter. Her mouth had pulled into a small smile as if she was reliving a fond memory, and she led her glass to her lips, but stopped before she was actually touching the rim. “Do you remember that girl you liked when you were younger? Ya Tou?”

Yes, he did remember. They were around the same age, her being just one year older than him, and as children it had been a natural consequence to become friends because of that. He remembered running through the streets of the village with her as imaginary demons chased them. He also remembered her smile, wide and blinding, and he remembered being twelve and thinking that her laugh was the most beautiful sight in the whole wide world. That conviction had stayed with him for two years, until he was sitting on a boulder, the wind whipping against his already smarting cheeks but his eyes wide in wonder as he saw the gleam of a dragon’s scales for the first time, the creature rushing through the rift in a flash of gold.

“I do,” was what he replied, not voicing where his memories had led him. “How is she doing?”

“She’s doing well. Great, actually,” his mother said, and he was half prepared to drift off again while she described her beauty, but her next words surprised him. It made his eyebrows rise, his head turning to finally face her. “She got married, to some nobleman, and moved into the city with him.”

“Wow, that’s great news indeed,” he exclaimed, the alcohol slurring his words slightly but his genuine excitement made his mother’s smile stretch a little further. And it was only with years of experience that Yixing could tell that there was an edge to the seemingly joyful expression that didn’t quite fit.

“I know. And I heard from her mother that she’s pregnant, just a few months after their marriage.”

Yixing gaped a little, the picture of the girl he’d crawled through holes in walls with, whom he’d sat in treetops with, and who he hadn’t seen for years after leaving his village didn’t quite fit with the picture of a bride, a wife, and a soon-to-be mother. But threading through his memories, he recalled how he had last seen her just a year ago, and how she had grown into a beautiful woman. “That’s wonderful. I’ll have to send her a letter with my well wishes.”

Yixing could hear the  _ that could have been you  _ in the seemingly agreeing hum, could read it in the way she took another gulp of her drink as if to force the words down. It was an attest to how the alcohol she had ingested that night was already affecting her. Usually she didn’t let their conversation fall to these topics so obviously as she often refrained from commenting on those matters. She had never once disapproved of his life choices or blamed him for leaving their farmhouse in order to live in the fortress, high up in the mountains and separated from his family. But Yixing knew that deep down she wished for her son to find a bride to settle down with, with whom he would spend the rest of his life, with whom he would procreate. 

And part of him wanted to comply with her wishes, wanted to give her the bunch of grandchildren she was longing to be surrounded with; the part that always only wanted his mother—or rather, his whole family—to be happy. The selfish part of him, however, the one that was currently stronger, absolutely couldn’t see him lead such a life, not for a while yet at least. It wasn’t as if he was averse to the idea of having a family of his own, but if that would include having to give up his work, abandoning the dragons—then he wasn’t ready to make that kind of sacrifice.

The second half of his stay with his family passed within the blink of an eye, just like the first one had. When he was sorting out his clothes and trying to fit them in his backpack, together with everything his parents and grandparents had given him as a gift to take back to the fortress, he felt as if he had only just arrived. Surely not more than a day could have passed since he arrived, and the thought that there would be a dragon waiting for him the next morning was surreal against the rural idyll he was surrounded with.

It was the tradition that the last evening was spent exclusively with his family, gathered around a feast big enough to fill their whole dining table and two little makeshift ones. Preparing all the dishes had kept both his mother and grandmother in the kitchen for the entire afternoon, and the sheer volume of food they produced seemed to be enough to feed half the village with leftovers the next day. Yixing had long since given up on convincing them not to waste so much time, ingredients and money on him, and instead had taken to showing his gratitude by eating until he felt like he couldn’t anymore, and then some. As joyful as these evenings always were, they were only able to cover up the reality of parting until the first sunlight touched the dew on the grass.

Being a farmer's household, his family was more than used to getting up early, so it wasn't even out of their routine to be out in the field together with Yixing when the sun had barely just risen. He gave out hugs and goodbye kisses, making sure to hold his grandfather a little bit tighter than the rest. His mother was the last to say her farewell, and even though it had been his grandfather's worsening health that had made him come down to visit, parting with her was the hardest, especially when her eyes were misty and her delicate hands balled into his coat felt as if they didn't want to ever have to let go. 

No matter how often she'd approach the topic of wanting him to have a family of his own—for the sake of his own happiness, more than hers—there never were any lingering bad feelings between the two of them whenever she would let those wishes seep out. Yixing was well-used to them, and as much as they stung the part of him that wanted to be a good, filial son, he knew that she was not holding his life choices against him. 

He returned her embrace with just as much longing, and allowed himself a tiny moment of regret for being unable to stay. But with the tightening of his arms as a signal to his mother that he really needed to go, he also pushed the negative feelings away, instead surrounding himself with the positive memories of the last week, all the warmth and feeling of  _ home _ , even if he hadn't lived under his parents' roof in almost thirteen years.

Having been immersed for a whole week in a life so different from his everyday routine up at the fortress, it felt strangely weird to forge a mental connection again and to hoist himself up on a scaled back, taking a seat a good bit above the ground. The dragoness, Lien Yu, was smaller than most of the fully grown dragons living at the fortress, but she was one of the best at navigating through rough winds. The change towards summer always brought weather leaning on the stormier side with it, so Yixing wasn’t really surprised that Huang Lei had chosen to send her to pick him up.

After a last wave to his family, he shifted around until he found a comfortable perch. He patted Lien Yu’s back once he had, the gesture half a greeting, half a sign that he was ready to head off. Over his shoulder, he threw a last glance at his family, a dimpled smile on his face as he raised one hand in a final farewell. Then he felt the telltale lurch in his stomach as Lien Yu lept into the air, carrying them further towards the sky with each beat of her strong wings. The rush of wind hit his cheeks, driving colour to his face and pushing the ordinary child of a farmer out of him as he slowly turned back into a dragon trainer.

The exhilarating feeling of being in his parent's home, of seeing his old friends and acquaintances still lingered even when they had already brought some considerable distance between them and the village, and his good mood was amplified with the joyful anticipation of finally seeing Yifan again. 

Thoughts of the scarlet dragon had constantly seeped into his mind, whether it was during repetitive field work, or when he was lying in his bed at night. Whenever he had so much as mentioned the name of his protégé, his excitement and affection for the young dragon showed so clearly that it always had his mother's expression softening into a fond smile. His whole family had had to listen to a lot of stories about Yifan. So many, in fact, that Yixing had forced himself to cut it down because he was afraid of either repeating himself or boring his family with matters which they couldn't exactly relate to.

Being away from the scarlet dragon had been hard, just as hard as Yixing had expected, if not more so, and even though he had utterly enjoyed his time in his family’s home, he also felt giddy at the thought of being back in the fortress, and to finally,  _ finally,  _ see Yifan again.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

Yixing had hoped to arrive back at the fortress around sunset at latest, but the weather had forced them to take cover in one of the many small caves dotting the higher mountains. Many of them were old dragon lairs, long since abandoned, but they dug deep enough into the stone that they provided sufficient protection from wind, rain and snow. They had to wait out the little storm, because no matter how proficient Lien Yu might have been at cutting through gusts of air, Yixing knew better than to underestimate the moodiness of the weather high up in the mountain range around that time. So they had sat in the cave until the wind quieted down again, and when they finally saw the fortress in the distance, it was glowing as the only source of light while thick clouds covered the sky, obstructing the moon and the stars which usually illuminated the night.

It was an instinctual desire for Yixing to immediately search for Yifan's presence as soon as the towers and high stonewalls came into view, but he repressed the urge. It was well past sunset already, and even though he was aching to finally be reunited with the young dragon, he also didn't want to disturb his sleep. He had had a lot of time to think on the flight, about whether he would want to wake Yifan up just because he was eager to see him, or whether he'd be able to contain himself until the morning of the next day when he would return to his normal routine either way.

He had chosen the latter, deciding that one more night wouldn't make that much of a difference, but he couldn't deny that his heart skipped a beat before picking up its pace in excitement when he felt the familiar presence prod at his mind, insistently asking for entrance. A rush of  _ Yifan  _ filled him when Yixing eagerly responded to the connection, and he couldn't help the grin splitting his face as he let all the happiness and relief he felt about being reunited with the dragon filter into their connection. He barely even took notice of how Lien Yu landed, too focused on Yifan. 

There was no refinement to the feelings flooding between them, just raw emotion that couldn't and didn't need to be put into proper words, and Yixing's skin broke into goosebumps at the intensity he hadn’t been subjected to in a whole week. Yifan's mental presence felt so comfortingly familiar that it made Yixing breathe easier when he hadn't even known there was something restricting his rib cage in the first place.

As soon as Lien Yu was settled safely on the ground, Yixing thanked her hastily, eyes and mind trained on the scarlet-scaled shape waiting for him in the courtyard as he jumped from the dragoness' back. Yifan lurched towards him with so much exuberant energy that Yixing didn't even have to take two steps before he could throw his arms around Yifan's neck, pressing his face against the dragon's body as his fingers gripped tight. He felt Yifan return the embrace the way he had done before Yixing left, his head tilting down until he could press against Yixing's back, effectively drawing the trainer in even closer.

_ I missed you,  _ Yifan told him, his message clumsier and less refined than Yixing remembered their communication to be but he reflected the sentiment right back at the dragon. For all the familiarity of their bond and the exhilarating joy, however, Yixing couldn’t help realizing that something was off, although he couldn't quite put his finger on what exactly felt weird, and why. He chalked it up to both of their exhaustion, the sleepiness he could feel from the dragon a testimony to how Yifan had already been dozing off before Yixing arrived. 

On top of that, the trainer had been gone for a week, and had not formed any mental connection whatsoever for just as long, so it was to be expected that linking his mind would have an unfamiliar edge to it, even when it was over a bond as deep as the one he shared with Yifan.

Within the span of seven days, he had grown a little rusty while Yifan had simply  _ grown;  _ it was impossible to overlook how the dragon had undergone another growth spurt. Yixing had to tiptoe a little higher to reach around his neck than he had to before he left. Yifan’s face had grown sharper as well, and it was only natural that with the physical changes there also came mental ones. It was somehow shocking to discover that a mere week was enough to make Yifan’s mind grow into a presence that was vaguely unfamiliar, but Yixing pushed the thought away. He was back now, and he didn't plan on leaving again anytime soon, so he'd have all the time he needed to re-familiarize himself with the dragon.

_ I'm so glad you're back.  _ Yifan emphasized the sentiment by taking a deep whiff of Yixing's scent, and the trainer could downright feel the relaxation it brought the dragon as the calm filtered into his mind.

_Me too,_ he replied, and as much as he enjoyed their embrace, he nudged Yifan to let go so he could step back and look at the young dragon properly, his hand splaying against the other's cheek. _How are you doing? Are your growing pains better?_

Yifan nodded slightly, a gesture he had picked up from watching Yixing interact with the other humans at the fortress.  _ Lu Han gave me more of the soothing liquid. It helped. But I'm really glad you're back, I didn't like that other guy. _

Yixing startled at the mention of someone else beside Lu Han. " _ That other guy _ " was nothing but a vague image in Yifan’s mind, too imprecise for Yixing to pinpoint who exactly the dragon was referring to. It could have been Zhixiang, as he was the only one who would have a semblance of a reason to approach Yifan, but the dragon knew Zhixiang. For one, he wouldn’t be an indistinct shape for Yifan, and it also wouldn't make sense for him to suddenly claim to not like the elder when the two of them had hit it off so well right from the beginning. So Yixing asked Yifan for clarification, making the dragon's lips pull slightly back in a grimace of dislike at the memory.

_ That guy who came and said he'd train me while you're gone. He was nice in the beginning and gave me treats, but I didn't like how his mind felt. He didn't like that I didn't want to form a bond with him. _

A wave of irritation rushed through Yixing at the audacity of whoever that trainer was, to approach his protégé like this. He only barely stopped the feeling from reaching their connection, afraid that with the way they both had grown clumsy in communicating with each other, Yifan might interpret the irritation as being directed towards him for disobeying that mysterious other trainer. Instead, Yixing filed the information away, determined to work out over the next few days exactly who the guy was who had tried to take his place while he was gone. There was some serious talking that needed to happen. 

It was likely that it had been one of the younger trainers, perhaps even one of the apprentices, since none of the more experienced personnel at the fortress would be foolish enough to try and approach a dragon, especially a young one, that was being trained exclusively by one person. At least not before the trainer in charge explicitly requested for others to connect with their protégé in order to familiarize it with foreign mental presences.

_ It's okay, _ he soothed the dragon instead, having felt a hint of his distress mixed with worry from the other, although it was strangely dulled down. Yifan was worried that he had indirectly disobeyed Yixing by not opening up a connection with that trainer, he could tell. The dragon sounded almost apologetic when he told Yixing how he had simply left the stables where he had been sleeping after Lu Han gave him his usual dose of Dewgold, seeking refuge up in the dragons' lair instead, out of the stranger's reach. 

_ No one besides Lu Han was supposed to approach you. I didn't send that guy to train you while I'm gone. And even if I had, if you didn't like how his mind feels, you didn't have to connect with him. You did well in going up to your lair.  _ Yixing assured the dragon, underlying his words with a hint of praise, letting the dragon know that he had done nothing wrong. 

Yifan nuzzled into his touch in reaction, relief rushing through him as if the fear of Yixing's scolding had kept him high-strung. It made Yixing's stomach churn slightly with discontent at knowing that Yifan had been upset about this, but he pushed the feeling aside. He would have enough time to deal with the matter in the following days. Right there and then he only wanted to bask in Yifan's presence, calling upon the happiness of the last week and sharing it to the dragon, a hum reverberating in Yifan's chest as he soaked in the feeling.

Yixing wanted to stay here, like this, reconnecting with Yifan and telling the other everything about his vacation, but the exhaustion of the journey was rapidly catching up to him, weighing his body down and making it increasingly difficult to keep his thoughts focused.

_ I really need to sleep, _ he let Yifan know, full of reluctance. The dragon eyed him for a second, then let out a huff as he pressed his snout stronger against Yixing's hand, eyes closing as if he wanted to soak up the moment the best he could.

_ I am glad you're back,  _ he repeated, but this time the underlying distress was replaced by the warmth of familiarity. It was an acceptance of Yixing having to retreat for the night, even if it didn't sound like a direct reply.

When he laid in bed, Yixing forgot all about the foreignness he initially had felt in their connection, Yifan's presence a comforting hum in the back of his mind as they stayed linked until the lull of sleep let their bond fade to its dormant state.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

The next morning was out of routine for Yixing. Of course the first thing he had done when waking up was to check on Yifan, but he had found the dragon still peacefully immersed in slumber. He figured that it must have been the Dewgold which made the other a bit more sleep-prone than he usually was. It might have helped well with growing pains, but it did come with the trade-off of a little drowsiness. Thankfully, Yixing would be able to start tapering off the herb soon, since the dragon’s size implied that he should have made it through the roughest growth spurts. 

Considering that Yifan was asleep either way and quite a bit of paperwork had piled up while he was gone, he decided to spend the first few hours of the day at his desk, copying the medication notes Lu Han had given him into Yifan's file and checking the apprentice’s reports he had been tasked to give a second read. The sun was already nearing its zenith when Yixing finally put down his brush, stretching to work the kinks from his stiff muscles. He simply wasn't made to be sat in front of a desk for hours. 

Yixing headed down into the courtyard even though there had been no sign of Yifan waking yet, figuring that he could catch up with the few other dragons he was training whenever his schedule allowed him. He had been focused exclusively on Yifan for weeks, but since dragon's growth went hand in hand with him becoming less dependant on being constantly connected with Yixing through their primary bond, it freed up enough time for the trainer to take on some of the dragons again who he had trained before Yifan's arrival.

He didn't really get around to actually working with them, however, as it already took him forever to make his way down from his room to the ground level, everyone he passed asking how his vacation had been. The same four sentences were repeated what felt like a million times before he entered the hallway leading to the courtyard, but even stepping outside didn’t end the string of questions. Yet he didn't really mind when Yanmei immediately forged a connection with him as soon as he came into her sight. She was in the middle of working on her agility, rising up until she could almost break through the clouds before dropping back down, gaining speed until she was just seconds away from hitting the ground and then twisting sharply, using the acceleration to rush into a different direction. It never failed to amaze Yixing, watching her, or any of the other dragons, perform their airborne stunts, and it was not the first time that a dull throb of envy settled in his chest.

Yanmei teased him about it good-naturedly, offering a ride while she continued improving her little stunts, but he declined immediately with a laugh. There was no way he wanted to be part of her training; even if he would have been able to hold himself steady on her back, he doubted the sudden plunges would agree well with his stomach. She laughed at him, but there was no malice in it, so he found it easy to respond with the mental equivalent of a poked out tongue, making the joyful sound intensify. 

They quickly shifted from banter to casual conversation as Yanmei, just like everyone else, wanted to hear everything about the past week. Yixing hadn't even realized how long it had been since the last time he had properly connected with Yanmei, always too caught up with Yifan or other responsibilities to spend time with the dragoness the way they used to. It was nice to let the familiarity of their bond run through his body. Everything he felt was being amplified as Yanmei resonated the emotions linked to the memories of his family right back at him. He was in such high spirits that he didn't even realize his face had split into a grin until everyone who passed by him started smiling back at him.

He was in the middle of recounting the festive gathering, with all its food and music and happy laughter, when there was a trickle in the back of his mind, but he was too caught up in showing Yanmei the memories of the aunt from the bakery twirling him around to pay any attention to the feeling. It was easy enough to put two and two together when he caught a scarlet reflection from the corner of his eye, quickly coming closer.

_ Yixing,  _ the dragon called for him excitedly, and the trainer smiled softly at Yifan’s enthusiasm, replying with a quick good morning greeting before dimming down their connection again so he could pick up where he had left off with Yanmei. He had been torn whether to tell her about the talk with his mother, but she was one of the best advice givers he knew in the fortress, her age giving her a good portion of a dragon's wisdom already. It wasn't as if he was truly seeking advice, but it was always nice to be able to get these things off his chest.

Yanmei had settled on a tiny ledge, stopping her maneuvering to give him her full attention, and he appreciated it as their conversation turned to more serious grounds. Even while he was fully focused on her, he felt the insistent nudges of Yifan's mind against his. The younger dragon wanted his attention like an excited puppy that didn't like it if the humans were talking instead of playing with it, and while his affection never failed to make Yixing smile internally, it was also about time that Yifan learned to wait, to be patient. Yixing told the dragon just that, sending him a wave of calm paired with the message that he would open up their connection again as soon as he was done talking with Yanmei, and that Yifan should go play with Li Jie and Liu Yang in the meantime. 

Yixing expected the matter to be settled like this as he concentrated back on Yanmei, but Yifan’s prodding didn't cease, his calls turning from excited to whining within seconds. The sudden change made Yixing wonder when exactly Yifan had become so very needy, wanting to be his sole focus, or whether the dragon had always been like this but he just never noticed since he used to immediately give in. No matter what it was, Yixing decided against reprimanding the dragon again. He was not about to reward this kind of behaviour by giving the other exactly what he wanted, the attention he was asking for; the trainer could live with Yifan sulking for a bit.

Yanmei was amused at the younger dragon's antics, experiencing them second-hand through her connection with Yixing. She affectionately called Yifan an overeager fledgling even though the young dragon had long since outgrown the fledgling state and Yixing's silent chuckle spoke of agreement. He smiled crookedly as he lamented over the hardships of raising such an exuberant dragon while Yifan settled down on the roof of the main building’s right wing, gaze trained on Yixing.

The change happened so abruptly that it took Yixing a few seconds to even realize what was going on when the nudging of Yifan's mind went from being whining to downright frustration, the emotion so strong that it almost sent Yixing stumbling on his feet. There was a wave of something akin to annoyance rushing through him at how Yifan wouldn't stop, but the feeling of indignation didn't even have time properly manifest. Yifan's whole presence was emitting upset, and suddenly the dragon's calls sent a cold shiver down his spine because they felt so wrong, so _very_ _wrong._ It was as if Yifan's mind was a foreign place, the strangeness he had caught a hint off the night before having multiplied until nothing felt right anymore and Yixing's head spun around just in time to catch the scarlet dragon take flight, moving so quickly he was barely more than a streak of colour.

The next thing he heard was a loud thump as two bodies crashed into each other, Yanmei’s roar of surprise and Yifan’s deep growl and his world came to a sudden halt.


	5. Chapter 5

Yixing felt as if someone had emptied a bowl full of ice water over his head, knocking the breath out of his lungs and leaving him gasping for air as he tried to grapple with reality, stomach twisting unpleasantly. His blood ran cold and he stood rooted to the ground as loud roars reverberated from the mountain faces. Yifan and Yanmei were caught in a tangle of wings, teeth and claws, and the sight left Yixing stumped, and terrified. Paralysing shock held him in its tight grip as his brain refused to believe what he was seeing; it just couldn't be happening, there was no reason at all why the two dragons should be fighting.

His connection with Yanmei had cut off the very moment Yifan collided into her, leaving Yixing’s mind reeling for a second. He felt detached from reality, as if he was watching a scene from the pages of a book unfold in his imagination. It had to be some kind of nightmare, Yixing thought, it had to be, but no matter how much he willed himself to wake up, the scenery didn’t change. He saw Yanmei trying to worm away from the younger dragons' assaults, but she didn’t seem to be successful in her attempts. Their fight almost looked like one of the playful scuffles fledglings occasionally engaged in, but Yifan wasn't holding back in his attacks. A startlingly aggressive growl from the dragoness had Yixing snap out of his stupor.

He felt as if an eternity had passed, when in reality it was mere seconds. It was obvious that Yifan was the aggressor in the brawl, for whatever unfathomable reason, and Yixing’s mind blanked, the only thought remaining was that he had to stop the young dragon. Before he knew it, he was running with shaky steps, as if physical proximity would make it easier for him to forge a connection with Yifan, to somehow interfere in the fight that didn't make any sense to begin with. But when he reached out to the other, he found Yifan’s mind blocked off, not responding to his insistent calls. 

Just a few minutes ago the other had been whining about wanting Yixing to open up his mind to him, but now the trainer found himself completely shut out, Yifan too consumed by raw emotions to even take note of the trainer’s presence. Yixing felt such mindless infuriation radiate from the dragon that it had his stomach turn with the realization that he wouldn't be able to get through to the rational part of his protégé, the thinking, logical part he always communicated with. Yifan's instincts had taken over, banning any kind of reasoning from his mind that wasn’t concerned with how he could bring his opponent down.

When Yixing reached out for her, desperate to do something,  _ anything _ , he found the dragoness in a similar state.  Being faced with the threat the young dragon posed, Yanmei’s self-preservative drive pushed her to fight back, and with every bite and scratch Yifan landed her own attacks grew more ferocious. Like every other living being, dragons were controlled by fight or flight instincts, and more often than not their bodies told them to fight. More so because with Yifan so very out of his mind, Yanmei, uncaring of her agility, would most likely not have any chance to properly flee, and she knew. Like this they were winding each other up tighter, an endless spiral of fueling each other’s aggression as their self-preservation instincts pushed them to fight harder.

Yixing tried to reach for Yifan again, knowing he had to break them apart no matter what, just to stumble back a step at the unfamiliarity he touched. There  _ was  _ a hint of Yifan's presence, the one Yixing had grown to know as well as his own, if not even better, but it was almost completely drowned out by emotions so uncontrollable that they made Yifan's mind seem like a foreign place. It threw Yixing off as he was still trying to puzzle out what was going on in the first place.

The only remotely reasonable explanation for Yifan's behaviour was jealousy over the fact that Yixing had been paying attention to Yanmei and ignored the young dragon as a result. But even _if_ Yifan had been displaying hints of wanting to monopolize Yixing—and Yixing couldn’t deny that he felt similar urges when it came to Yifan—it was completely unlike the dragon to turn this aggressive; he might have been full of threatening gestures as a hatchling, but what Yixing had always admired the most was his control over his strength. Even in the squabbles with his playmates he had never harmed any of them in the slightest, which was uncommon for fledglings.

_ “He was nice in the beginning and gave me treats, but I didn't like how his mind felt.” _

The world around Yixing came to an abrupt halt as he recalled Yifan's words from the previous night, the vague shape of the stranger that had tried to approach the dragon in Yixing's absence. Yifan was, indeed,  _ out of his mind _ , and suddenly everything clicked; the stranger, the treats, the feeling of something being off with the dragon’s presence and Yifan's complete lack of rational judgement. There was only one viable explanation, and Yixing balled his fists so tight in anger that his fingernails cut into his palms, but he barely noticed the pain.

There were a lot of questionable methods in use when it came to the training of dragons. With their high intelligence and their strong wills, training them wasn’t like training horses or dogs, and many dragon rearing fortresses all over the kingdom employed techniques to take any or all of these factors out of the equation in order to turn dragons obedient, more perceptive to the control of a human trainer. For example, there was a wide variety of drugs at use, all meant to suppress a dragon's rational thinking and to turn it more docile. When used in small doses, neither of them usually did much harm. 

Yixing knew that they had a few vials of Rivulet Blossom in the fortress' pharmacy, meant to help control difficult cases who refused to calm down before they could get out of hand, which were mostly the newcomers. The drug was kept water-thinned, to ensure that it would never accidentally be used in a too high concentration. Like this, Rivulet Blossom was essentially harmless, doing nothing else than turn a dragon’s mind a little sluggish and easily susceptible to outside influences. It did, however, interact with the Dewgold that had been administered to Yifan. The strong emotion of indignation he had felt at being ignored seemed to have triggered the potentiation of the Rivulet Blossom which had been supposed to douse the dragon’s mind enough to make it easier for the stranger to control him.

Once Yixing knew what he was looking for, it was almost laughably easy to spot the effects of the drug, the weirdness in Yifan's mind suddenly fitting with what Yixing had experienced with other dragons who had been given the same calming liquid. It had never just left any of them so utterly out of it, with nothing but their instincts and emotions reigning them, and no rationality to speak of. It was well known that the drug was to be handled with care, as it interacted with a lot of seemingly innocuous substances. Yixing had read about how using Rivulet Blossom was always a tightrope walk between turning a dragon docile and tipping it over the point where its mind was shut down to a point where their instincts overwhelmed their rationality. 

In Yifan’s calm state, the Rivulet Blossom had just facilitated the dragon’s sleepiness but as soon as annoyance started welling up inside him, the interaction between the two drugs had escalated his indignation into a rage that was blinding in the truest sense of the word.

The dragon's mind that had grown to be so receptive to Yixing's was surrounded by an insurmountable wall, the only gate barred shut so that no one would be able to enter. Yixing could tell that the young dragon didn't see or hear anything around him; he wasn't even sure if Yifan knew  _ why  _ he was fighting, or if he knew where that all-consuming anger stemmed from.

Yixing felt as if he was suspended mid-air, floating with no ground beneath his feet and no way to move anywhere. Everything was incredibly surreal, and he was left completely helpless as he watched the two dragons he cared more for than any of the others fill the air with their aggressive growls, teeth and claws seeking to inflict damage on the other in a primal need to fight where the option for flight wasn't given. Yanmei might have been the older and more experienced one of the two, but Yifan had his size and the brashness of youth on his side, rendering both of them evenly matched in terms of strength.

In the end, Yixing acted in desperation, not enough time to properly think about his own actions or possible alternatives. Before he knew it, he had both soles of his feet planted firmly to the ground, his nails digging half-moon shapes into the tender skin of his palms as he forced himself to take one deep breath. Years and years of working with dragons had taught Yixing a lot about his mental powers, more than he had ever thought possible.

It was a technique he had never employed before, one of the kind where he knew  _ how  _ things were done, theoretically, but had never gotten any practical experience—and didn’t want to get any practical experience in. Yet, barely a heartbeat later, he had broken through the wall around Yifan's mind, brushing past the dragon's mental boundaries as if they weren’t even there. Shock flooded his body for a moment at how easy it had been to invade the dragon's mind, so much easier than he had ever dared fearing. The wave of raw anger and the heat of fight lapping at his consciousness through their connection almost made Yixing choke, but he quickly forced the emotion down.

It took Yifan's consciousness a moment to register the invader, a mental presence that wasn't supposed to be there, and the dragon's self-defence mechanisms were too slow in springing to life as the trainer easily wrestled them down. Yixing could see the very moment he pushed Yifan's mind out of the way, the dragon suddenly recoiling with a start from where he had been trying to sink his claws into Yanmei's flank. Even from a distance the shock swirling in Yifan’s amber eyes was visible to Yixing. It was almost ridiculous how the dragoness that had been the sole focus of Yifan a second ago was immediately forgotten, the scarlet dragon fixing his attention completely on Yixing instead. The trainer felt everything; Yifan's pain and disbelief, the sense of betrayal and helpless desperation at having the control over his body superseded by someone else.

_ It hurts _ , their bond sang. Yixing couldn't remember ever having had to experience anything like it. He had never before forced himself entrance into a mind that didn't want to open itself up to him, and he wished, he  _ wished, wished, wished  _ he wouldn’t have had to change that. Not once since he had become a dragon trainer had it been this difficult to shut his own feelings off from a connection, to withdraw his emotions into himself and not let them slip out in carelessness. He could not let Yifan know exactly how much it was hurting him to do what he was doing; he couldn't allow himself any kind of weakness for the dragon's mind to latch onto in order to throw off his control. 

It occurred to Yixing for a split second that if he were to lose his grip on the dragon's mind, it might be him who would get attacked next. He would trust Yifan with his life, was 100% convinced that the other would never,  _ ever _ hurt him, but in this state, the dragon wasn't accountable for his actions. If he attacked Yanmei, who was to tell he wouldn't also go for the person who had forced its way into his mind. In the dragon’s eyes, he must be posing a threat at the moment, one that Yifan’s instincts would want to neutralize. The realization made Yixing’s hair stand on end as adrenaline rushed through him.

Yifan pushed against Yixing's presence with burning anger, trying to ward off the trainer's invasion and with the dragon’s inherently stronger mental power, Yixing feared for a moment that he'd lose the battle. But he grit his teeth and shifted his weight a little, drawing on the year-long experience Yifan didn't yet possess.

Yixing loathed himself for invading the other's mind, for doing what he had sworn to never do in his whole career; it had his stomach twisting painfully as he felt bile rise in his throat. But it needed to be done, he needed to protect Yifan, it was the only thing that mattered in that moment. The drug running through Yifan's system had robbed him of his rational judgement, leaving him defenseless to the fallacious, self-destructive grip of his emotions. Without interference, either the young dragon or Yanmei, or even both, might end up seriously hurt, their instincts pushing them to fight until the point where one of them would be unable to continue fighting.

So he didn't allow the sickness churning in his gut to hold him back as he superseded Yifan's consciousness, pushing the dragon's control back until the trainer could feel the strain of the dragon's strong muscles prickle in the back of his own mind. He ordered Yifan’s body to turn around, to fly away, back to his lair in the wall of the mountain, and the dragon had no choice but to comply. Yixing could see Yifan still mid air for a moment before his eyes glossed over as his mind was forced to take a backseat and watch its body move according to someone else’s will. In a way, the drug had already forced Yifan into that very position, the dragon no longer being in control over his actions but that thought did little to quell the guilt threatening to overwhelm Yixing because he was well aware that the effect of the Rivulet Blossom and his invasion were very different for Yifan.

His hands shook with both anger and the strain of having to maintain his control over the dragon until the other was a safe distance away from Yanmei. It wasn't difficult to tell just how shell-shocked Yifan felt at having Yixing control his body, so as soon as the dragon was near the mountains, far away enough for his flight instincts to kick in, Yixing retracted his mind to break off their bond. He could see the moment Yifan's consciousness took over his body again, the dragon appearing to wince in between one bat of his wings and the next before he quickened his pace until he was racing back into the sanctuary of his lair to lick his wounds and mull over the betrayal.

Yixing was half-convinced he was seconds away from throwing up as the sickness in his stomach balled tighter. No more than a few minutes had passed, but it felt like an eternity to Yixing; one he wished he would never have had to experience. His skin crawled with disgust at himself and his own actions, and he wanted nothing more than to follow after Yifan. He wanted to repent and let the dragon know just how much he loathed himself for resorting to such measures and if it meant climbing up the mountain wall that housed the dragon's lair with nothing but his bare hands, he would have done it if he saw a chance to make Yifan feel better again. He wanted to apologize and promise that he'll never do anything like this again, even though he knew how little weight such a promise might hold; he already swore he'd never force himself into a mind that didn't want him there, and yet he had done exactly that just now. And considering the drug still coursing through the dragon's system and his state of agitation, Yixing's presence would only have worsened the situation.

So he stood there, in the middle of the courtyard, panting heavily from both physical and mental exhaustion, his muscles trembling all over. His eyes stung with frustrated tears, his heart painfully beating against his rib cage as if it wanted to break out and his throat was constricting. Frustration and anger were warring a battle inside his body; frustration and helplessness at having been driven his with back against a wall, no way out of the situation but to go against his morals. And the anger, white-hot anger, at the person who had tried to trick Yifan into submission with drugs hidden in dragon treats, who had not checked the dragon's medication before carelessly administering the Rivulet Blossom.

He was caught so much in his own mind that he only remembered Yanmei’s presence when the dragoness landed on the courtyard with less grace than she’d usually display. A wave of worry rushed through Yixing that the dragoness might have been hurt, but when he connected with her—her mind finally responding to his calls now that the heat of battle was over—she sent a wave of assurance to him.

_ I am okay, these are just a few scratches,  _ she told him, but Yixing could feel the lingering shock clinging to the dragoness’ mind.

He slowly advanced towards her, reaching his hand out to splay against the dragoness‘ snout as if the physical connection could add something to their mental one, as if he could provide more comfort through it. Which was a laughable notion, considering that he might have been the one who was more shaken of the two. Considering the circumstances, Yixing couldn’t be sure that in reality it wasn’t him who was unconsciously seeking solace instead of providing it **.** Just like his muscles which were shaking, legs threatening to give in, all his mental strength had been exhausted by shutting his emotions off from Yifan. It left him basically defenseless, everything he was feeling seeping into the connection with the dragoness like blood seeping unrestrainedly from an open wound.

_ I am sorry I wasn‘t able to interfere earlier,  _ he apologized, feeling the sting through their bond of where the young dragon had drawn blood. Worry over Yanmei momentarily outweighed the guilt he was feeling.

_ It‘s not your fault,  _ she reassured, with so much resolution that Yixing wanted to believe her,  _ and it‘s not his either. Yixing, his mind was weird, muddled. I don‘t know what happened but he wasn‘t in control. _

Overwhelming fondness flooded through him as the dragoness immediately worried for Yifan and what consequences he might face for attacking her, even while she was still bleeding from wounds he had caused.

_ You already know,  _ she realized when he didn‘t emit any surprise or curiosity, just an elevated sense of guilt because it hadn‘t been Yifan‘s fault, and yet the way Yixing had invaded his mind must have seemed like punishment to the young dragon.

He let her know in a flurry of quick pictures about the Rivulet Blossom and the mysterious person who Yifan had told him about the night before, no need for actual words. His upset was making it difficult for him to formulate any refined thoughts either way.

A spark of recognition running through the dragoness made Yixing halt, and then the vague silhouette in his mind suddenly gained colour and sharpness as the dragoness recalled the person she had seen slip into Yifan’s stables, and eventually there was a familiar shape before his inner eye.  _ Yang Wei _ .

Yixing had never traded many words with the apprentice. The young man had come to the fortress at an age where most apprentices had already made it past their first mental ability test, much like Lu Han had, but for all Yixing knew they both handled the situation very differently. Not really having spent a lot of time with him meant that Yixing didn‘t want to allow himself a judgement over Yang Wei, but he couldn‘t help noticing how the other constantly seemed discontent with the tasks he was given, often overestimating his own abilities. The apprentice refused to see how rashness would lead to his own demise if he tried to skip steps that were mandatory in training for the profession of dealing with dragons.

Rage flamed up inside Yixing again, more potent now that he had a target to direct it at. Yanmei‘s mind withdrew from his slightly, the intensity of the emotion uncommon for his usually controlled and mellow self, but at the same time she echoed understanding through their bond, to let Yixing know that she felt just as upset.

_ Go _ , she urged him, knowing that he was itching with the desire to hunt down the one responsible for this mess. He wasn't inherently vindictive, preferring peaceful, level-headed discussions to incoherent anger and hot-headed lashing out, but when those he held dear were being involved, were being hurt, it left him with nothing but the burning desire to defend, to protect.

Despite Yanmei’s assurances that she would be fine on her own, Yixing was torn, but eventually the dragoness’ insistent nudging made him rush away from the courtyard. He passed by the few other trainers without acknowledging either of their presence. All of them were caught in a state of shocked motionlessness, unsure whether to reach out to him or keep their distance. 

He was known in the fortress for his gentle, composed persona but there was no mistaking the steely coldness in his eyes as he made his way through the building towards the dining hall. It was lunchtime, so with very few exceptions, everyone was gathered there and if Yixing hadn’t eaten his breakfast so late that day, he would have been seated in his usual seat as well. On his way there, Yixing focussed on the stinging pain of his fingernails digging into his skin, as if he might be able to quench some of his anger like this. When he rounded the last corner, the entranceway to the dining hall coming in sight, he had to admit that it was a futile endeavour as he was anything but calm.

He stood in the doorframe, panting, as his eyes scanned the room. With a hint of disappointment he noticed that neither Zhixiang nor Lu Han were present, but his gaze immediately zoomed in to where Huang Lei was sitting at a table to the side. Just like the rest of the room, he hadn’t yet taken notice of Yixing and was still engaged in casual chatter with the man sat beside him. It had been Yixing’s first instinct to single out Yang Wei and either drag him up and out of the room by the collar or confront the apprentice about the Rivulet Blossom right then and there, in front of everyone. He couldn’t trust himself with keeping his hands to himself, however, and starting a fist fight with the younger man didn’t sound like the most clever idea, no matter how tempting.

It only took Yixing four long strides to cross the room, and as soon as he came to a halt in front of the fortress' head, he unclasped his fists to press his arms to his body, bowing ninety degree in a jerky movement. 

"Laoshi, I am very sorry to disturb your meal but I need a moment of your time," he apologized, the words stilted and devoid of inflection, pushed out of his mouth in a rush of formality he couldn't shed even if he wished to forego it.

Huang Lei looked startled by his sudden appearance, and his eyebrows knit together in worry when the older male took in his visible state of agitation. 

"What is it, Yixing?" The head of the fortress asked, rising from his seat as if preparing to rush wherever he was being needed.

It occurred to Yixing how all the talk in the hall had ceased, leaving behind a pin-drop silence. Every single person in the hall seemed to be listening intently to find out why Yixing would rush in like this, but Yixing didn’t pay the attention he was getting much mind. It only served as a reminder for him to stay as calm as he possibly could.

"If possible, I'd like to talk outside, with you and Yang Wei." He didn't even look at the apprentice, gaze fixed on where Huang Lei's expression darkened further in confusion. A hum of hushed voices rose around them, culminating in volume around a table towards the middle of the room where the male in question was seated.

"And why would you want to talk to me?" Yang Wei raised his voice without even rising from his seat, prompting Yixing to inhale deeply in an attempt to keep himself under control. There was an air of arrogance in the other’s voice that Yixing would have overlooked on any other day, but in that very moment it send his stomach churning with a new wave of irritation no matter how hard he tried to keep his emotions in check.

"I would prefer to sort these matters in a less public setting," he pressed out between gritted teeth as he turned around to face the other man.

"I don't see why I should come out with you if I am in the middle of my meal," the apprentice replied. The hierarchy within the fortress was flat, even for a dragon rearing facility, but the lack of respect the other displayed was inappropriate nonetheless. "If you want to talk, why we can't talk here?" There was a challenge laced into the words and Yixing could feel his already weak composure crumble by the second.

"It’s about Yifan," he said, hoping that the apprentice would remember his wrongdoings and accept Yixing's offer for privacy, but Yang Wei didn't make any move to.

"I'm afraid I don't know any Yifan."

The dismissiveness of his tone was the last straw. Yixing snapped. His anger boiled up and consuming the last piece of precarious calm left inside him as he advanced towards the apprentice with fast steps. There were expletives on the tip of his tongue, foul language he was surprised he even knew, but he swallowed it down, not wanting to add oil to the fire.

"You don't know Yifan?" He asked, his voice turning icy as he got closer to the other male who had finally risen from his seat. "You say you don't know Yifan?" 

Yixing felt like a bystander as he observed how the volume of his voice rose. It sparked irritation inside him that Yang Wei had messed with Yifan, had drugged him in an attempt to gain control over the dragon, and, worst of all, that he had done it all  _ without even bothering to remember Yifan's name _ .

"Let me tell you who Yifan is." He came to a halt right in front of the other male, only a thin layer of air separating them. The other was a little bit taller than Yixing, but the trainer was beyond the stage where he would care for or be intimidated by that. "Yifan,” he hissed in a low voice, ”is the dragon you were never supposed to involve yourself with.”

Yang Wei looked back at him with an expression of utter disinterest, and it riled Yixing up further. "He's the dragon you would have been better off not involving yourself with," he rephrased, the volume of his voice steadily rising until he was shouting, unable to recognize himself and not caring in the least, " _You_ ," he stabbed a finger at Yang Wei's chest with enough force to send the apprentice stumbling a little but not enough to actually make him fall, "were not allowed to get close to him without having my permission first. And when he didn't want to listen to you, _which he wasn't supposed to_ , you went and gave him Rivulet Blossom _without_ _checking his medical record or asking the apothecaries_."

A shadow of recognition hushed over the apprentice's face but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared, leaving behind an expression of pure defiance. "How should I have known he wasn't one of the dragons to be trained by everyone? I was told to practice, and I was only trying to do that."

There was not a hint of remorse in the other's stance, and it made Yixing see red. His hands itched to ball up into fists to collide with the other’s jaw, or to grab his collar and shake the younger until he would lose that horribly smug attitude hidden below his feigned innocent ignorance. Instead, Yixing took a hold of his own shirt, gripping the sturdy material tightly between his fingers.

"Apprentices are not allowed to attempt a connection with any of the young dragons unless their mentor or another qualified trainer is present," Yixing bit out between clenched teeth.

"Well, he is tall. How was I supposed to know he’s still so young."

A laugh left Yixing's mouth before he could swallow it back down, the sound completely devoid of humour and instead filled with disbelief at the ridiculousness of the other's defence.  "If you can't even tell that Yifan isn’t fully grown yet, I don't think you're even ready for the stage in your training where you are allowed to connect with any dragon at all."

His mocking tone finally provoked a reaction in the younger male. Yang Wei's expression darkened, his mouth pulling into a tight line of irritation and somehow the sight only riled Yixing up further because  _ how did the apprentice dare be irritated and not apologetic. _

"Say, do you have any idea what you have done? What you have caused  _ because you gave a dragon a drug you were not allowed to have in your possession in the first place? _ " His words bounced off the walls in the deadly silent hall, echoing back at him and leaving a bad aftertaste on his tongue as he tried to work out how he was going to react if there would still be no remorse in the other's attitude. Thankfully a hand placed assertively on his shoulder prevented him from having to find out.

"Both of you, come with me." Huang Lei sounded calm, a stark contrast to Yixing's state of agitation and Yang Wei's ever growing irritation. The dragon trainer willingly let himself be pulled back to create distance between him and the apprentice, before the head of the fortress gently but firmly guided both him and Yang Wei out of the room. The younger was grumbling under his breath, but one glance from Huang Lei made him fall silent. Despite not having any respect whatsoever for Yixing, the apprentice wasn't stupid enough to disobey the man who held all the reins inside the fortress. The way his jaw was set spoke of Yang Wei’s reluctance to do so, but Yixing refrained from commenting on it.

The heavy door of Huang Lei's office fell into the lock behind them with a definite sounding clicking, and Yixing took a split second to soak in the calming atmosphere of the room. Its cluttered jumble always instilled a sense of tranquility in Yixing, and he welcomed being out of the watchful eye of the dining hall. As long as he pretended Yang Wei was not standing right beside him, wasn't even in the room with them, he was pretty sure he would be able to keep his hands by his sides and away from colliding with the other's face.

Huang Lei sent them both a calculating gaze, as if trying to figure out how he should best position them—force them to take a seat, keep them standing opposite to him, put one on the couch and one on the armchair by the bookshelves to separate them. In the end he went for the second option, taking a seat on his office chair while Yang Wei and Yixing stood on the other side of the massive wooden desk, an arm’s length of distance between them. Even though Huang Lei had to look up at them from his position, the air of authority he exuded had something inside Yixing settle enough to ease a bit of the angry strain from his rib cage, finally allowing him to take a deeper breath.

The head of the fortress prompted him for an explanation without having to utter a single word, his gaze enough to get Yixing talking. With his mind still in a state of agitated disarray it took the dragon trainer a few moments to sift through the garbled mess of thoughts inside his head to pick out a logical order to voice them in. And even then, everything just fell out in a barrage of words as soon as he opened his mouth. 

He tried to be factual, planning on recounting the events with as little judgement as he possibly could, but even the sting of his nails digging into his flesh was not enough to keep his voice steady and his words objective. It hurt, he realized, to have to recount what had happened, because talking about it meant reliving it, reliving the absurdity of the situation, the shock and Yifan's pain. The fire smoldering in his veins turned to shards of ice, the fighting spirit seeping out of him as he brushed over how he had separated Yifan and Yanmei as quickly as possible, curt sentences not containing more than the most necessary details. However, it did not stop the memories from hitting him full-force, of what had happened in the minutes that were dragging to feel like an eternity inside his mind.

Huang Lei's expression darkened while he was listening, worry visible in the furrow of his brow and the press of his lips, but he kept silent all throughout Yixing's report. Only when the dragon trainer came to a stuttering halt, having run out of words, did the head of the fortress shift in his seat, his low hum sounding thoughtful and acknowledging at the same time. Yixing kept his back straight and his hands pressed to his sides as silence took over the room, the tension palpable as he waited for Huang Lei’s judgement. Forcing one's way into a dragon's mind and imposing one's will onto them was forbidden in the fortress, along with a few other techniques, which might have been common practice in other dragon rearing facilities but were considered unethical under Huang Lei’s by the fortress’ head.

"I am aware that I have broken the rules, Laoshi," Yixing started anew when he could no longer stand the quiet, meeting eyes with Huang Lei to convey his determination before falling onto one knee and tipping his upper body forward in a formal bow, as much to express his humility as to avoid seeing disappointment in the other's gaze, "I will gladly accept whatever punishment you see fit."

"Yixing," Huang Lei finally spoke up, but when the dragon trainer continued kneeling, he repeated the name with insistence. "Yixing. Rise. Look at me."

Fearful anticipation prickled along Yixing's spine, but he obeyed the command nonetheless.

"What happened is very unfortunate, and there  _ will _ be consequences. I will, however, not deal out hasty penalties without having gotten a thorough insight into the situation. Your testimony alone is not enough to determine what measures need to be taken in reaction to this."

"But-"

"Yixing," the other silenced him before his half-formed protest could fully escape his lips. "I will not change my mind just because you wish for me to. For all I know, you might have acted to the best of your knowledge and belief, given the situation. Rules are rules for a reason, and they need to be upheld and protected. But sometimes a rule has to be broken for a greater good." There was an air of remembrance in the elder’s voice, as if he was reminiscing a memory rather than recounting a saying. Yixing didn't know much about the past of the other, but he could sense that there was a story behind the words.

The younger nodded his head in obedience even if the urge to argue was making his skin itch. He _deserved_ to be punished for his actions, for hurting his protége, for going against his and the fortress' principles. But while Huang Lei might have been a very logical and understanding leader, he could also be as stubborn as a mule and everyone knew that it was close to impossible to win an argument with him. So Yixing set his jaw to keep the words in, silently awaiting for the fortress head's orders.

A scoff weakly marked as a half-hearted cough beside him reminded Yixing of the third entity in the room. His eyes immediately shifted to glare at the apprentice and he was ready to lash out at the other, even if it might only be verbally. Huang Lei intercepted before the dragon trainer could so much as open his mouth, demanding to have a talk alone with Yang Wei and implicitly dismissing Yixing. Knowing better than to protest, he bowed once again with jerky movements and took his leave.

The lock of the door fell close behind him, muffling the conversation that had arisen as soon as he was out of the room and leaving him standing alone in the deafening silence of the hallway. The churning of his stomach had subsided, but it had left behind the sickening feeling in its wake, and he was shivering with a cold that no amount of clothing would be able to disperse. With the anger inside his veins having burned out, there was nothing left but a lingering feeling of emptiness. 

Hunting down Yang Wei and reporting the situation to Huang Lei had given him purpose, a goal to focus on to push away the memories. Now that he had done all of that, he was left suspended in midair without knowing what to do. Helplessness welled up inside him again, a hollow echo of what he had felt while standing in the courtyard, when there had been no way out of the situation except for the one he dreaded and didn't want to resort to. When he swallowed he noticed how raw his throat felt from the shouting and his harsh breathing, and his hands kept clenching and unclenching at his side while he stood rooted to the spot.

When he eventually convinced his body into movement, his steps were jerky, ungainly, but at least he kept putting one foot in front of the other. With every passing minute his steps quickened, until he was walking at a brisk pace, almost running, yet still without a destination in mind. He roamed through the corridors of the fortress as if keeping his body moving could stop or at least slow down his thoughts  rushing up flights of stairs just to descend them again on the other side of the corridor. There was restless, nervous energy coursing through him, but no matter how fast he ran, he wasn't able to escape his own mind or the memories running rampant inside it.

For a moment he considered heading down into the armoury to pick up his spear. Training with it always came close to meditation for Yixing, and there was nothing he wished for more at that moment than to clear his mind, to stop thinking, even if only for a few minutes. He immediately discarded the idea again, though, well aware that he wouldn't be able to reach a point anywhere close to the state of calm that was necessary for wielding his spear; as agitated as he was he might end up hurting himself—and he shut down the part of his brain that was welcoming the idea before it could even properly formulate the thought.

In the end, Yixing found himself in the fortress' library, a moderately sized room filled with dozens of bookshelves, housing hundreds of books. These days, Yixing didn't read a lot, usually too busy to take the time and sit down for it, but he  _ did _ drop by the library from time to time to make use of their variety of reference books. The whole north wall housed anything from guides on training techniques and mental exercises to textbooks about the anatomy of dragons and behavioural studies. As an apprentice, Yixing had spent long hours in this room trying to better himself by consuming volume after volume. It didn’t link the library to any particular feeling, neither pleasant nor unpleasant, but Yixing hadn’t sought out the room filled with the overpowering smell of yellowing paper for the sake of fond memories.

He only noticed how his hands had started to shake when he reached for the leather-bound covers lining the shelves, but he couldn't say whether the tremble was caused by the cold or the inner turmoil—probably it was a combination of both, the former stemming from the latter. With more vigour than he felt he pulled out several leather-bound volumes, as if to prove to himself that he was doing okay. He carried them over to one of the reading tables and let them clutter against the wood with less care than he would usually exert, but he blamed the jerkiness of his movements for that. The chair squeaked slightly under his weight as he sank down onto it with as little caution as he had shown for the books.

Full of determination to shut off his mind he opened up the first volume, eyes immediately scanning the table of contents for the name of the drug he was looking for. If Huang Lei refused to give him a punishment for now, he would get started on repenting by making sure that nothing like this would ever happen again _. _ With that goal in mind, the best course of action he could think of was to study, to look for the way out, the  _ right  _ way out when Rivulet Blossom and Dewgold interacted. The way Yixing hadn't seen in his ignorance. 

But the words on the pages swam in front of his eyes, refusing to stick in his memory long enough to form a sensible sentence as he read over them again and again. Yixing tried to focus, to push everything except for the written text in front of him from his mind but it was as if years of mental training, of meditating and sharpening control over his thoughts and feelings had been lost the very moment he had forced his way into Yifan's head.

He could still feel it, humming in the back of his head like a constant drill; the singing hurt from their bond, the disbelieving feeling of betrayal the dragon had emitted.

_ It is all my fault. _

The thought made Yixing ball his hands into fists where they were resting on either side of the open book in front of him, the pages forgotten in front of his unseeing eyes.

It  _ was _ all his fault. 

He might not have administered the Rivulet Blossom, but he had failed to notice it in the dragon's system. He had felt that something was off and  _ had put it down to unfamiliarity,  _ to being exhausted and not at his best. Nothing would have happened if he had just investigated a little further, if he had questioned why Yifan's memories were so hazy around the edges. The fact that the dragon couldn’t recall more than a vague shape of the man whose mental presence he hadn't liked should have set off the alarm bells for Yixing. Yifan wouldn't have had to get hurt. If Yixing had been more attentive, or if his mental control had been better developed, enough to get through to the rational part of Yifan hidden behind the veil of the drug, there would have been no reason for him to sit in the library with shaking hands.

He was so caught up in his thoughts, a downwards spiral of self-blame, that he didn't hear the creak of the door nor notice the approaching presence before there were arms slipping around him from behind, encasing him in a hug.

"I heard," Lu Han mumbled into his shoulder, tightening his hold slightly. His breathing was faster than usual as it ghosted over Yixing's skin, speaking of how the other must have ran to find Yixing.

The younger remained unmoving for a second, then shifted slightly to press back into the touch. Lu Han was not one of the regular trainers who tended to the dragons, so his mental control was a bit rusty at times, but in spite of that the waves of calm and reassurance he was exuding managed to comfort Yixing just like they were intended to.

It wasn't until he inhaled and his breath hitched funnily that he noticed the stinging in his eyes. The tears brimming in the corners of his eyes didn’t stem from sadness or pain, they were a manifestation of his frustration, of the overwhelming, numbing helplessness that refused to let go of him. He didn't cry—he hadn't cried in years and he loathed the idea of changing that now—but it took him a few shaky inhales to steady his breathing. He leaned forward, hands coming up to grip Lu Han's arms and keep him close even when he curled up slightly, as if attempting to make himself as small as possible.

"I hurt him," he whispered, barely audible, sounding almost afraid of the words, as if admitting to what had happened out loud would make everything even worse. With his eyes clenched tightly in an attempt to rein in his emotions he forced himself to continue, to voice what threatened to eat him up from the inside out. "You should have seen him,  _ felt what he felt.  _ He felt so betrayed and helpless, Lu Han, so full of disbelief and hurt. And I did it. I hurt him."

"You did what you had to."

A humorless laugh escaped Yixing, and he immediately bit his tongue to cut off the icy sound, not wanting to mock his best friend for trying to comfort him. "You can't know that. You weren't there." He sounded detached even to his own ears, wishing he hadn't been there either. "There must have been a way, a way that wouldn't have involved...'" He tried to say it, any variation of what he had done, but the words died in his throat. Lu Han understood him either way.

The pressure around his shoulders lessened slightly, as if Lu Han was about to release his hold but Yixing stiffening involuntarily had him tighten the embrace instead. A small voice inside Yixing's head was laughing at how needy he was, how vulnerable and how he was too old to lose his composure like this but it was quickly drowned by the memory of Yifan's pain.

"Yes, I wasn't there. But I  _ know _ you _. _ You would never hurt him if there was any other way. And seeing how much you're beating yourself up over it right now proves it."

When the elder pulled away this time, Yixing let him. The doe eyed male shifted around to take a seat next to the younger, leaning forward so he could catch Yixing's gaze even while the other kept his eyes cast down. 

"Yixing," he called, a plea for the other to face him. When Yixing did, Lu Han placed his hands on the other's shoulders before continuing. "You are not a bad person. What happened today doesn't change anything about that. You did what you did to save Yifan, to protect him,  _ not  _ because you wanted to force him into obedience or because of any other low motive."

Yixing wanted to respond, to argue against Lu Han's words, to stop him from lightening the weight of the blame he had put onto his own shoulders, but contrary to his intentions his mouth stayed closed as he turned in his seat to face Lu Han. The elder had a soft smile on his lips, regret and compassion and reassurance and a dozen more emotions mixed into the expression; Yixing didn't even try to begin to decipher them all, his body moving on its own accord as he slumped forward until his face fell against Lu Han's chest. The doe eyed male encased him in another wordless embrace, and Yixing let himself soak up the familiar comfort of his best friend's presence.

It didn't manage to disperse all his worries, but Yixing allowed his brain to settle down a little, at least for the time being. A lot of things went unsaid, and the gaping silence inside his mind where there used to be the low hum of connection to Yifan was a constant reminder of what had happened, yet Yixing let himself have a short moment of reprieve in Lu Han's soothing hold.

Their breathing was the only sound filling the quiet of the room.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

Three days. That was how long Yixing could bear the silence in his head. It made him wonder how he had managed to survive a whole week without Yifan's mental presence around him. Then again, that had been an entirely different situation. He had had his family to keep him company, instead of sickening guilt and stinging self-blame. It was almost as if the absence of Yifan's mind spoke louder than any of the thoughts and feelings traded through their connections ever had. Every second in which Yixing was alone inside his head felt like another jab to his already wounded heart.

He had experienced guilt before, when he was younger and saw his mother's tears in the slightly smudged ink in the corner of the letter she'd written to him, or whenever Zhixiang went out of his way to get him a special book that would end up unread months later because he didn't seem to find the time to sit down and get started on it. Nothing, however, got even close to the crippling feeling that held him in its tight grip day and night. 

Zhixiang had reassured him countless times that his decision had been right, that sometimes such things had to be done, even if they hurt, and that he was sure that Yifan would understand, even if it might take time. No matter how often Yixing heard these words, they meant a little bit more coming from Zhixiang. After all the elder was not only his mentor, he also was the trainer closest to Yanmei, and him not blaming Yixing despite her having gotten hurt took a weight off his shoulders, even if it only was a tiny one compared to the overwhelming heaviness of Yifan's hurt.

Yanmei had settled in her stable down in the courtyard for the time being, where the healers could have easier access and to rest her wing which had suffered more damage than they initially thought. Zhixiang sat with her a lot, and Yixing tried his best to not let himself be reminded of his own nights with Yifan. The young dragon used to come down way after sunset so he could sit in the hay together with Yixing, similar to how they had spent their first few weeks when Yifan had still been stuck in the acclimatisation chamber.

Through Li Jie, he had come to know that Yifan wasn't staying in the main lair the dragon's usually kept to. Instead the dragon had taken residence in one of the higher up caves, looking for solitude. A rush of paralysing fear had shot through the trainer upon hearing that, fear that by losing Yifan's trust he might have broken their bond, everything he had worked so hard to create in the last few months. A broken bond would mean that Yifan might leave the fortress, seek refuge in the depth of the mountain range as he was no longer tied to Yixing. Yanmei had assured him that he had no reason to worry, that a bond, especially a primary one, didn't tear that easily. She purposely didn't say anything about how the bond of trust that Yixing had managed to forge with the dragon over the course of a few months was a lot more fragile.

Yixing slept less than ever before; nights alone in his room meant being at the mercy of his thoughts in the middle of the darkness, no distraction in sight while he was tossing and turning on his bed. It reminded him of how he had always sneaked into Zhixiang's bed when he had been younger and upset, seeking the comfort of another presence next to him to silence the voices inside his own head. Zhixiang had never complained about the younger's nightly visits, had never even mentioned them as anything special in the next mornings. Whenever Yixing had entered the other's room, he'd just silently scoot over to make room on the small bed, surrounding himself with an aura of calm for the apprentice to burrow into. 

Zhixiang had been the closest Yixing had to family in the fortress, at least until Lu Han came along, but even finding a best friend in the doe eyed male had not changed how Yixing saw a big brother in his mentor. Part of him yearned to let his feet carry him the two flights of stairs down to the second door on the right behind which Zhixiang was sleeping, but Yixing hadn't sought out the other's bed in years. He was in his late twenties and too old to still find other people's beds whenever he got haunted by his memories at night. Zhixiang wouldn't have minded, he was sure of that, but his own pride forbid him from going.

So in the first night, he ditched beds altogether after a few hours of failed attempts at sleeping, instead moving into the library with a lonely candle casting its flickering shadows over the page of the opened book in front of him. In the morning, he woke up to a gentle hand on his shoulder, and a worried look on the face of the apprentice who had found him passed out on the table. He went through the day in a zombie-like state, not really taking note of his surroundings. Instead of going out into the courtyard to train some of the other dragons he was in charge of, he holed himself up in Lu Han's office, feigning pity with the elder being buried in paperwork. 

Even though they both knew what his true motives for steering clear of his usual routine were, Lu Han didn't press the matter and instead passed the younger one of the stacks of paper occupying the space on his desk. It contained correspondences with other dragon rearing facilities and deferred payment receipts from lords who wanted a dragon for representative purposes despite being unable to put the sum necessary for procuring one on the table in one go. By the evening, Yixing's head was swimming with numbers and letters. It still didn't stop him from finding the same seat in the library again at night, another book in front of him.

Even though he dared to step outside again on the second day, paying a visit to the wounded Yanmei and attempting to perform training sessions with one of the older dragons, Zhixiang's eyebrows were constantly furrowed in worry whenever he caught sight of the younger. The lack of sleep had formed bruises underneath Yixing’s eyes, and he knew Zhixiang must have noticed his absence from the dining hall. His stomach was too upset for him to desire any food beside the simple steamed buns without any filling which he could sneak out from the kitchens. They might have been enough to keep him going, but they would only be able to sustain him for so long.

Ever since he had left the fortress head’s office, he hadn’t run into Yang Wei. He didn’t think much of it—mainly because he was too preoccupied with his own misery to begin with. For Yixing, the punishment Huang Lei had promised for breaking the rules came in the form of being expelled from any kind of airborne maneuver training. The elder knew exactly how much Yixing thrived on the taste of freedom he could get on a dragon’s back, and in any other situation, the temporary ban might have upset the trainer. As things were, however, he couldn’t bring himself to care much about it. It seemed more like a symbolic penalty either way, since Huang Lei was well aware that, given the state Yixing was in, it wasn’t one he was likely to be affected much by.

And still, the owner of the fortress had promised consequences, and while Yixing wasn’t really impacted much by them, he overheard that Yang Wei apparently hadn’t gotten off as easily. A sense of satisfaction flooded him when it came to his knowledge that the younger had been stripped of his apprenticeship upon refusing to see the fault in his actions. In a fit of anger, Yang Wei had refused the offer of staying at the fortress. Unwilling to take the chance to prove that he was capable of handling dragons with the due care and caution, the former apprentice had chosen to leave instead. The feeling of gratification didn’t last long, however, as Yang Wei’s expulsion did not change any of the harm his actions had caused.

It chipped away at Yixing that he didn’t really know how Yifan was faring since the dragon had chosen seclusion, not only from the trainer but from pretty much every other living being. Yixing was quite sure that Yifan was hunting his own food—the dragon was old enough to care for his own nutritious needs—but until now Yifan had always come down from the lair in time for feeding hours and Yixing had taken special delight in picking out Yifan's favourite pieces of meat for the dragon. He had been spoiling the other, he knew, but feeling Yifan’s happiness filter into their connection had always made it impossible for the trainer to care.

More than once Yixing was tempted, so very tempted, to let his mind search for the young dragon's presence, to at least feel a slight brush of the familiarity. Just to know where Yifan was, to assure himself that he was still there at all. But if there was one thing he knew with absolute certainty, it was that he wasn't allowed to intrude Yifan's personal space, mentally even more so than physically. He had to live with the consequences of what he had caused, and it would be Yifan's choice to come back to him, to give him a second chance.

No matter how often he reminded himself of this resolution however, it didn't manage to quieten the nagging voice inside his head asking him what he'd do if that would never happen. He didn’t know what he would do if he had forfeited all his chances and Yifan wouldn't come back to him. If the dragon would not allow for a mental connection between them anymore, Yixing might have to hand him over to another trainer. He would have to watch Yifan with someone else, a constant reminder of his one time failure. Yanmei called him stupid and pessimistic when she got whiff of his worries, but in her trade-mark motherly, caring way, telling him that while he and Yifan would need time to regrow their bond to its original strength, the young dragon cared too much for the trainer and depended too much on him to let go of everything they had built up. 

Yixing wished he could believe her.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

He didn't even know how he wound up sitting in the far corner of the cliff, facing the direction of the dragons' lair, his feet dangling off the edge. If Lu Han had seen him like this he would probably have fainted; despite having gone into the profession of training dragons, the elder didn't really fare well with heights, meaning he kept a good bit of a safety distance at all times. Yixing was fairly unfazed by the plunging abyss beneath his feet, even though he did realize that he had to be careful not to make any rash movements. It was noon, and there were a few trainers and dragons roaming the courtyard, but Yixing wasn't paying attention to any of them. His gaze was fixed on the adjacent mountain face, up where dark dots indicated the various caves dug into the stone.

He didn't reach out for Yifan, didn't make any effort to figure out which of the openings housed the scarlet dragon. He did, however, inhale deeply. Together with the exhale, he opened his own mind, expanding it until he was sitting amidst a shining beacon of his aura. All he could do was hope that Yifan would recognize this as the call it was meant to be, that his strong presence would lure the dragon out of his lair. If he was being honest, Yixing did not really expect for the other to appear, and he felt somehow stupid for what he was doing. Then again, he was desperate.

Beside him rested two bundles, the smaller one containing steamed buns, the bigger one a chicken. It had been weeks since Yixing had last fed Yifan with anything else than goat or pig, but when he had walked into the cold room where they kept the meat for the dragons, his gaze had automatically wandered to the poultry. The sense of reminiscence threatened to overwhelm him, pictures of the first day he had met Yifan flashing in front of his inner eye, making a conscious decision superfluous as his hands moved on their own accord.

The rough edges of the stone were chafing against the fabric of his pants as he shifted slightly in his seat, but he barely even took notice of it, focused on maintaining the bubble of his own aura he had wrapped himself in. His stomach was clenching uncomfortably with hope he didn't want to allow himself to feel and nervousness at the same time. It made it difficult to bite into one of the steamed buns he had brought for lunch but he feigned nonchalance the best he could either way. Technically it was unnecessary to force himself, considering that his presence was reflecting both his unease and hopefulness as he wasn't shielding any of his feelings. But he convinced himself that if he acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary, perhaps he would end up believing it himself. To some degree, at least.

He sat on the cliff until his muscles went stiff from the motionlessness and then some, staying long after he had already devoured the last bun he had brought with him. 

Yifan didn't show up.


	6. Chapter 6

It became Yixing’s daily routine, to have his lunch while seated on the cliff, his aura wrapped around him densely enough to turn into a beacon for Yifan to notice him. With every passing day, his hope dwindled, but he stubbornly kept coming back. In a moment of weakness he had considered asking one of Yifan’s usual playmates for help, to relay a message from the trainer or to deliver Yifan the chicken Yixing kept bringing with him—only to feed it to whichever dragon he passed first after having given up waiting on another day with no sign of Yifan. But he knew that approaching Yifan through a surrogate promised little success, so he restrained himself from giving in to the temptation.

Seeing a flash of scarlet gleam against the grey stone of the mountain on the fourth day of coming to the cliff made Yixing believe he had fallen victim to an illusion, a Fata Morgana, that the reflection he had caught from the corner of his eye was nothing but a figment of his hopeful imagination. But even after he rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times, the indistinct shape of the scarlet dragon in the distance didn’t disappear.

Yixing couldn’t tell where Yifan had come from. He also didn’t care. All that mattered was that the other was showing himself to Yixing. Watching Yifan climb along the mountain face was like watching goats scale up seemingly impassable walls, finding footing where there should have been none. Yifan kept himself pressed against the stone as if it posed some kind of security blanket for him. His claws easily gave the dragon purchase on the uneven, jutting out rocks as he moved steadily closer to Yixing, only stilling when he was close enough that the trainer could almost make out the pattern of burgundy and scarlet mixing around his front legs and moving along his chest. Yifan was still far enough away that if Yixing had raised his arm, his own hand would have been able to cover up the sight of the dragon, but it was so much closer than a dot near where mountains started disappearing in the low-hanging clouds.

The stable bubble of his aura that surrounded him wavered as his mind immediately wanted to reach out for Yifan and it took all of his willpower to fight that urge down, to keep his presence to himself until the scarlet dragon would make the first step. He could tell that Yifan was studying him warily, steady gaze fixed in his direction as the other stilled his movements and settled down the best he could, clinging almost vertically against the mountain with his head facing down.

Yixing kept his eyes trained on the dragon as well while he pulled his aura closer around him, condensing it even further in the hope that it would make it easier to resist the temptation of letting a part escape in Yifan's direction. Like this, he waited with bated breath for the other shoe to drop, for Yifan to make his next move, but the dragon remained completely still. He didn’t do anything, and so neither did Yixing. Everything around him was forgotten, the other trainers and dragons, the icy wind whipping against his face and driving red colour to his cheeks; it all faded into non-existence, unimportance. Tense anticipation and relief both settled in Yixing’s stomach, making it flip in a weird manner with the contradicting feelings.

For the dear life of him Yixing wouldn’t have been able to say how long they stayed like this, frozen in their position with their gazes locked, a million wordless messages and nothing at all passing between them at the same time. Eventually it was Yifan who moved first—Yixing was sure that if the dragon hadn’t, he would have remained sitting on the cliff until sunset and beyond if need be. He was simply unwilling to be the one to pull away from the olive branch Yifan had offered him, even if it might have been nothing but a thin, tentative string that could rip under the lightest pressure. So he balled his fists into the fabric of his pants to stop himself from breaking his resolution on the last few meters by calling out for Yifan.

Even after the dragon had already disappeared from his sight, he remained transfixed in the same position, unable to fully grasp what had just happened. It seemed too much like a dream to be real. The giddy feeling spreading in his chest was so out of proportion with how little his success had been, and yet his mouth stretched apart in a grin that made his frozen muscles ache, but Yixing couldn’t have cared less. Yifan hadn't even reached out for him, nor had the trainer so much as gotten to feel a little of the dragon's mental presence, considering how forcibly he had kept his mind to himself; but the mere fact that Yifan had heeded his call made hope blossom up in his chest that he might not have lost everything.

For a few more days, noon passed in a similar fashion, with Yifan already waiting for the trainer whenever Yixing would walk out onto the courtyard. There still was no communication between them aside from guarded gazes, not even a tiny brushing of minds, and yet it improved Yixing's mood as well as his eating and sleeping habits immensely. All the time before and after seeing the dragon was spent eagerly waiting for the next noon to come.

It made him realize that against his initial belief, remorse and disappointment in himself for having gone against his basic principles might not have been the main reasons for the feeling of constant sickness nestled in his stomach. Sure, they contributed to it, but the guilt over having hurt Yifan, combined with the longing to have the familiar, soothing presence around him again weighed heavier. It spurred on his determination to continue their little meetings, uncaring of the fact that they consisted of nothing but silently traded glances. He would do this for as long as it took to regain Yifan's trust; even if that might mean weeks or months of freezing in the sharp wind with his feet dangling over the vast chasm.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

_Yixing._

His whole body stilled in shock at the voice in his head, a voice so very familiar Yixing would have been able to pick it out in a sea of millions of others, a voice so very unexpected that Yixing stopped breathing for a second. The book he had been about to put back into the shelf fell from his grip, and only the sound of it cluttering against the stone floor echoed through the otherwise silent room did he remember how his lungs worked. He gasped for air as if he had just broken through the surface of the lake he always used to play in as a child.

His skin tingled slightly in a reverberation of whatever had just happened as a profound confusion took over, and he wondered whether he was slowly going mad. In his profession, hearing voices inside one’s head usually wasn't much reason for worry, but hearing _Yifan's_ voice… It just was too impossible. Yixing’s rational thinking immediately told him that there was no way it had actually been Yifan who had called for his attention. Slowly going mad sounded like a way more reasonable explanation.

Standing frozen in place, Yixing was still trying to puzzle out what had triggered the illusion of Yifan’s voice when suddenly the familiar presence was back. Pictures flashed before his mind's eye; sunset, the plateau a bit off from the fortress, where they occasionally trained maneuvers with the dragons for which they needed a lot of space and solitude. Just as quickly as the other's mind had touched his, it was gone again, leaving nothing but a lingering feeling of longing behind, together with a sharp certainty—it had not been an illusion, nor his mind playing tricks on him. No matter how fleeting, the touch of Yifan's mind, the colour of his aura that was clinging to the pictures he had sent Yixing, was something the dragon trainer could never mistake for anyone else’s.

No matter how brief the contact had been, Yixing had no troubles figuring out the dragon’s message. Yifan wanted him to come to the plateau, at sunset. He wanted them to meet up. Yixing could feel his skin break into goosebumps as anticipation settled deep into his bones, paired with a bout of giddy nervousness. Everything about the situation felt surreal, but the book he had dropped in shock was still lying on the ground and the low singing in his mind left by the contact with Yifan reminded him over and over again that it had not been a dream.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

He spent the remainder of the day restless. For the past few weeks his restlessness had been caused by dreading the end of the day since it meant nighttime, and nighttime meant him being trapped alone with his thoughts. This time, however, his restlessness was coined by him eagerly _awaiting_ the end of the day instead.

He was torn as to whether Yifan’s message meant that they wouldn't go through their usual routine at noon, but around lunch time Yixing decided to go out to the cliff either way. It was not much of a surprise that the dragon didn't turn up for the whole hour he sat there, and even though it made a queasy feeling settle in his stomach, Yixing forced himself not to read anything into the matter.

A very, very tiny voice inside his head, the one impersonating his worst fear, went on and on about how Yifan only wanted to see him in private to tell him that their bond was beyond saving, and that he wished to be released from its burden. Yixing disregarded the voice the best he could, with reasonable success, but not good enough to stop him pacing from the northernmost point of the castle to the southernmost all afternoon, from the lowest level up to the highest and back, keeping his legs moving as if that might stop or at least slow down his thoughts.

The sun hadn't even begun its descent down towards the horizon yet when he was already striding through the fortress' gates, quick steps carrying him to the plateau within half of the time it usually took. The flat, stony space lay deserted before him when he arrived, and it didn't really surprise him—he had expected to wait since he left for their meeting spot long before their meeting time. Then again, it didn’t make much of a difference whether he was pacing around uselessly in the fortress or sitting on one of the bigger boulders towards the edge of the plateau, fiddling with the seam of his clothes until they were in danger of coming apart. At least he wouldn’t miss any second with Yifan like this.

No matter how hard he tried, Yixing couldn't stop his mind from wandering, quite literally. It was unconsciously feeling around the area for the familiarity of another presence, much like Yifan had done back when he hadn’t properly been in control over his mental abilities yet. Because of that, Yixing felt the dragon before he could actually see him but unlike a fledgling, he didn't latch onto Yifan's mind the second he came into contact with it; instead he withdrew his consciousness instantly once it grazed against Yifan's, as if the contact had burned him.

Yifan appeared in his field of vision seconds later, and the breath stilled in Yixing's chest as he watched the dragon alight on the uneven surface of the plateau. The other looked utterly majestic, the setting sun reflecting from his scarlet scales making Yixing think that the dragon had been made for the sunset, or that the sunset had been made for the dragon—with Yifan it seemed possible that the only purpose of a natural phenomenon was to bathe the dragon in its ethereal aura.

When Yifan was folding his wings to his back Yixing couldn't help wonder how long it had been since he had last properly looked at the other—he couldn't remember Yifan's wings spanning that wide, or that the dragon towered over him so high. It wasn’t as if he had to crane his neck, Yifan was too far away from him for that, but even from the distance that was between them, it was easy to tell. Yixing stood rooted to the ground as he watched the other settle, gasping silently when Yifan's gaze properly locked with his for the first time in what felt like an eternity. He had forgotten just how expressive the dragon's eyes were, while at the same time having had their impression printed to the back of his own eyelids, the sight coming to him whenever he’d so much as blink.

They stood on opposite ends of the plateau, and even though there were still no words or thoughts exchanged between them, Yixing felt as if he could already read so much in the other's gaze. More than he even wanted, perhaps. It amazed Yixing how well he could read the other, and not just because he had trained dragons for so long and knew how to read their body language, but it was because he knew _Yifan._ He saw how guarded the other was—could tell it from the barely visible tension of the dragons' muscles. Yifan was staying poised for flight, and Yixing hated that the dragon was unable to shed his wariness around the trainer, to the point where trying to relax was so much of a strain.

_Yixing._

The tentative touch to his mind made the hairs stand up on Yixing's arms, an involuntary shiver running through him. Yifan’s communication skills had gone a little rusty, the thoughts he sent Yixing more stilted than what the trainer remembered, but he couldn’t have cared less. _Finally,_ his mind sang at the familiarity. A relieved sigh escaped him, the sound so silent that Yixing was sure the wind picked it right from his lips, not giving it any chance at reaching the dragon. When Yifan’s presence lingered, Yixing took it as a sign that he was allowed to loosen the tight hold he had on his own mind to ensure it stayed with him and didn't latch onto Yifan the first chance it got.

_Yifan._

His contact was just as soft as the other's had been, barely more than a brush of his mind against Yifan's. The way Yifan's presence immediately recoiled, as if the feeling of his mind had burned him, made Yixing’s stomach twist unpleasantly. It was an involuntary reaction  and not a conscious decision, triggered by the dragon's instincts, and when Yifan's mind was back prodding against his seconds later it reaffirmed that the other one was indeed seeking the connection. Yifan wanted to talk with Yixing, but the trainer could easily tell how strained their bond was.

It was obvious how much of an effort it was for Yifan to allow Yixing's mental presence to touch him, and no matter how ecstatic Yixing felt about having Yifan so close again, he half wished he could be somewhere else, anywhere where he wouldn't have to face how much Yifan had been affected. He couldn't have both, however, ignorance and the hope of reconciliation, so he pushed the churning guilt away and instead tried to welcome the dragon’s mind with as much warmth and harmlessness as he could.

_Yifan,_ he repeated his greeting. Usually, he would speak the words in addition to sending the sentiment over their mental connection when they stood so close together, to keep teaching Yifan which phrases were linked to what meaning. But right now, his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth, and he was afraid that the sound of his voice might disrupt whatever was passing between them. So he let the wind howling around them be the only sound to fill the silence. As Yifan remained silent, Yixing stumbled for something more to say, afraid that letting the conversation fade before it had even really begun would give the dragon time to reconsider his decision to meet the trainer.

_You're here,_ Yixing’s statement was tinted with a sense of wonder and disbelief, and he wished for the ground to swallow him up the moment the words had filtered through their connection because of their utter stupidity—obviously Yifan was there.

Of course Yixing had worried about having misinterpreted Yifan’s message that morning, or about the dragon choosing that he didn't want to see Yixing after all. He had repeatedly told himself that he shouldn’t get his hopes up as there was always the chance Yifan wouldn’t show up. Yet the trainer bit his tongue lightly in chastisement, the gesture meaning to prevent him from spilling further unnecessary words both physically and mentally.

_I'm here,_ Yifan confirmed after a heartbeat of quiet, and Yixing could see him shift his weight slightly as if in preparation to take another step forward. The desire for the dragon to follow through on the notion tugged at every part of Yixing's body, wanting to move closer to Yifan himself, but he restrained those feelings from escaping.

_How are you doing?_ He asked instead, the seemingly casual question laden with dozens of implicit meanings. It was the question of how Yifan was coping without his regular connection to Yixing's mind, the question whether the drug had cleared from his system yet—even though Yixing knew that its effects should have worn off after the second day, at the latest. In its most literal sense, it was the question of whether the growing pains had gone, whether Yifan was feeling alright physically and mentally in that very moment.

The dragon tilted his head to the side slightly as his gaze stayed locked on Yixing, as if he was thinking about how to best answer. Huffing out a gust of air, Yifan actually did take a tiny step closer to Yixing this time, but the way his tail was twitching from one side to the other told the trainer of the other's nervousness—a habit the dragon still retained from his fledgling days. However, Yixing couldn't say that the way he was fiddling with the seam of his clothes was any less telling.

_I am okay,_ Yifan eventually said and Yixing’s heart constricted slightly at the familiarity of the other's presence lingering in his mind for longer than just a quick brush, a familiarity he feared to have lost. _I- Yixing, we need to talk._

It was unlike Yifan cut the small talk so short and jump right to the topic, Yixing wondered for a second, but the thought was immediately chased by the realization that he couldn’t judge whether cutting the chase was unusual for the dragon or not. He and Yifan had never had this kind of conflict, there had never been any issue that could call for beating around the bush, so Yixing really had no reference material to go by. Nonetheless, it felt weird to hear the dragon speak in such a grave manner. It was serious matters that they needed to address, of course, but it struck Yixing how Yifan had not only grown in physique but also in mind.

Being around the other all the time, Yixing had missed how all the small gradual changes had eventually added up to big changes. Yifan was still young, undeniably so, and traces of his fledgling behaviour still clung to him, but at the same time he had changed so much since the first time Yixing had laid eyes on him. Standing right there, in front of Yixing, it was impossible for the trainer to overlook the maturity Yifan was exuding.

_I know,_ Yixing answered, and spurred on by the dragon’s movement he also dared take a tentative step closer.

Even like this, more than half the plateau remained between them, and yet Yixing felt relieved when Yifan didn't make any move to widen the distance once more. Ever since the morning, Yixing had been trying to arrange sentences inside his head, to figure out what he would tell Yifan once he finally got his chance. He wanted to apologize, to pour all his regret into their connection and let the dragon know just how much he was hurting knowing that he had caused Yifan such pain, but he also was afraid that his apology wouldn’t be accepted if it was forced onto the other like this.

Noticing that Yixing was holding himself back, Yifan prodded at his mind slightly to regain his attention; not as if he had ever lost it.

_I will start._ The dragon proclaimed, and Yixing couldn't do anything but nod his head silently in agreement.

_I have spent a lot of time alone in the last few days,_ Yifan began, and Yixing swallowed the ‘ _I know’_ right back down before it had the ghost of a chance to slip out. _I know you never intended to cause any hurt._

Yixing felt his knees go weak a little, his throat constricting in a curious manner that didn't seem to match the relief he was feeling. He had known that as soon as the drug would wear off, there was a high probability that Yifan's rationality would return, and he had prayed that as soon as the dragon could think clear again he would realize that Yixing never had any harmful intentions.

_But._

Of course there was a but. There had to be a but. If there wouldn't have been a but, Yixing wouldn't have lost his sleep for so many nights in a row, wishing there was a very specific, familiar presence buzzing inside his head again instead of the gaping silence having taken residence there. Yixing braced himself for what was to come, forcing down the premature relief. And yet the dragon's next words made his blood run cold as regret settled deeply into his body.

_But, I can't say I'm really over it. Not yet. I know I was not in control anymore, that my mind was muddled and I couldn't think straight. I didn't really realize what I was doing. I know I didn't listen to you, didn't_ want _to listen to you—or anyone else for that matter. I’ve spent the last few days telling myself that it was for the best you stopped me. That I would regret it so much more if you hadn’t. But that feeling—_

A wave of emotions hit Yixing, and he wasn't sure whether it had been Yifan's intention to show him these memories that had imprinted themselves inside his brain. Probably the dragon wasn't even aware he was letting the reverberation of them leak into their connection.

Yixing was overwhelmed by the horrifying sensation of no longer being in control of his own body, helplessly struggling. It was as if he was caught in a state of weightlessness that made it impossible for him to move, to get back to the cockpit an invisible hand had pulled him away from. And even after he caught his footing and tried to push back against the disembodied force, he hit a wall, hindering him from getting back into control no matter how hard he fought. Having to watch his body move like a puppet on strings, his consciousness caught like a prisoner or an unimportant bystander while another entity held the reins, was terrifying.

Yixing’s stomach twisted so abruptly at the onslaught that he felt like throwing up. He stumbled back ungainly, sickness settling deep in his gut and he was glad he had not eaten much all day. The faint memory abruptly cut off as the dragon noticed his reaction, which affirmed Yixing’s guess that Yifan had never meant for the trainer to be confronted with these memories. But even after the dragon’s feelings were blocked from their connection, Yixing was unable to shake the lingering echo of them. He had known, in theory, what it meant to supersede a dragon's consciousness, but being shown what it _felt like_ —Yixing had to realize that his imagination hadn't even come close to the horror of such a loss of control. It took all of his mental strength to stay upright.

_I am sorry,_ he had resolved himself to not apologizing, at least not before the dragon had said everything he wanted to say. He wanted Yifan to demand of him whatever he wanted to demand, as retribution, but before he could stop it the apology was already rushing through their connection. It was almost an instinctual reaction, the guilt constricting Yixing’s chest needing some kind of outlet or he was afraid it might suffocate him.

_I- Yixing, I don't blame you. I did, but I don't anymore._ A wave of worry coursed through Yixing, and he rebelled against it—he did not deserve Yifan’s concern when the other had been the one who had to experience something like that—but the dragon didn't allow the protest, pushing it from their connection by continuing.

_My head knows you did not mean harm, and I have heard how much this has troubled you. I can_ feel _it._

An invisible hand laid itself over Yixing’s chest, right at the height of his heart, and he was sure he missed a dozen heartbeats due to the sensation. He hadn't been aware that Yifan was already good enough at handling his mental presence to project physical touches.

_I don’t want you to feel bad. I want things to be normal again. But it's still difficult. Even though I know you didn't mean to- to make me feel like that..._

The dragon caught himself before his memories could slip into their connection, but it still triggered the echo to flare up again within Yixing. Yifan seemed undecided on whether he should continue or change directions, but then he pushed through with what he had been trying to say.

_Whenever I feel your mental presence it triggers the sensation of you holding me away from my own body. It's like an instinctual defence that my mind flinches away from yours. It’s hard to suppress._

It sounded half like an apology, the explanation tinged with regret. Not only at the fact that every connection Yifan formed with Yixing put a strain on him from having to fight the urge to pull back. Rather the dragon regretted how the bond that had always been filled with a warmth of familiarity and a sense of protection—his _primary bond_ —had turned to feel like the intrusion of a foreign entity to him, one that was dangerous to him because it had already once superseded his defences and taken control over his body without his permission.

There was no blame in the dragon's message, surprisingly. Yifan should have been upset, or angry at Yixing for having tainted their bond, but he was neither. He was just genuinely regretful, and on one hand it made everything better, but somehow Yixing would have preferred it if Yifan blamed him. It might have been easier to deal with.

_So..._ he started tentatively, the word fading off until tranquility filled their bond again, _What do we do now?_

All of a sudden the fear that Yifan might have only come here to cut ties with him resurfaced. A sharp pain stung in his chest at the thought that Yifan might have deemed their bond unsalvageable. The dragon might not be holding a grudge against him, but perhaps he had decided that it was impossible to regain what they used to have, even if they wanted to. But Yixing fought down the notion immediately. Instead he projected open curiosity towards Yifan, to ensure the other that whatever choice he would make, the trainer would go along with it.

_Time. I need time. Even though my head knows that you are not a threat to me, it is hard to fight my instinct by mere will power. I have to get rid of these lingering feelings, but I am afraid I only can by letting them fade away over time. I just have to get used to feeling your mind again, I think, to assure my instincts that you’re safe._

Yixing nodded once to show his understanding, even as his hands balled into fists at his sides. It was a good outcome, he told himself, better than he could have possibly hoped for. Yet he yearned to have back what they used to have, the comforting hum to their connection. He wanted the playful young dragon he could no longer imagine being without. Not that he disliked Yifan growing up, maturing enough that they could have such a level-headed conversation, but there was a distance between them while they talked that Yixing wished wasn't there. He wished there was something he could do to hasten the process, to make things be the way they were between them again, but he knew that Yifan was right. They needed to re-familiarize.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

Yixing granted Yifan the time and space the dragon had requested. They continued their "lunch dates", although now instead of just staring at each other over the distance of the rift, they met up at the plateau, where there were no watching eyes of the other dragons and trainers. The chickens Yixing brought with him were no longer left to be fed to a random dragon after Yifan hadn’t dared to get close enough to pick up the birds himself, as the dragon had started to land near the trainer and always willingly accepted the treats. And instead of forcing his aura to form a dense bubble around himself, scrupulously controlling that not the slightest part of his consciousness sneaked into Yifan’s direction, he now maintained a tentative, dampened down connection with Yifan for as long as the dragon allowed it.

They spent these hours in relative silence, but Yixing could tell that their bond was healing. It was noticeable in the way Yifan managed to maintain their connection for ever extending periods of time each day, or how the dragon was slowly able to relax around Yixing again. The tension no longer had his muscles in its tight grip all the time whenever they were connected.

Getting Yifan's instinctual side to trust him again was a long-winded process; the animal inside the dragon was bent on self-preservation above everything else. It constantly told Yifan to avoid any and all possible threats, and through taking control over the other’s body, Yixing had been marked as exactly that—a threat.

One afternoon, Yifan told the trainer how much of a conflicting notion it was. He had the primary bond drawing him towards Yixing, telling him to stick close to the comfort of the human's mind, but at the same time his instincts shied away from the feel of it, setting alarm bells off inside him that spoke of imminent danger. It left the dragon caught in the middle of a mental tug of war.

From time to time, Yixing’s resolution to not let himself be hung up on the negative feelings of guilt and regret wavered. He tried to focus on the hope that they were moving in the right direction, and the elation that their bond was tightening again. Positive emotions were a lot more constructive for getting Yifan’s mind to relax around his again. It was impossible to completely eradicate the lingering regret but the very fact that he and Yifan were making progress helped him to block it out most of the time.

He spent many hours talking with Zhixiang and Lu Han, because voicing his worries to people he trusted helped ease a little of the weight from his heart. Deep down he had hoped on his mentor’s experience to give him advices on how to quicken the re-familiarization process, but the elder came up blank.

Yifan had asked for time, and no matter how much Yixing wished to hasten the improvement, he had to realize that time was indeed the only thing that could help their bond—it was a test of patience more than anything else. Sadly, patience had never been Yixing's strength. He did not consider himself a thoughtless or rash person, but he was well aware that he tended to wish for favourable results quickly, always believing it was within his own power to make them happen. Being left with no way to influence the pace at which their bond was regrowing to its former strength left him frustrated.

He poured the feeling into adding further spear training sessions to his daily routine, knowing that the meditative flow of the forms and the burn of exhaustion in his muscles helped to balance him out a little. Even though he had basically read every book there was about drug interaction, he still kept on going to the library, picking out books about dragon physiology or studying about better methods to enhance his own mental abilities.

Many afternoons were spent with Yanmei and Zhixiang, both being the willing mental sparring partners, Yixing more eager than he had been in years to discover new techniques and refine whatever skills he already possessed. He hadn't realized how much he had let his own training slide ever since he had gained a certain standing amongst the other trainers in the fortress.

Almost two months passed in this fashion. During lunch, Yixing would rebuild Yifan's trust, and when he was not with the scarlet scaled dragon, he’d build up his mental abilities to ensure he'd never do anything to lose that trust again.

When Yifan eventually told him that he was ready to get back to their usual training schedule, Yixing asked him whether he was sure about that for almost an hour straight. Suddenly he was afraid the dragon might be rushing matters in order to make Yixing feel better. It baffled Yixing, that _Yifan_ should be feeling guilty about anything related to what had happened—it had been Yixing who had messed up, who had transgressed one of the most important unwritten rules.

Yet Yifan was noticeably upset whenever he flinched away from Yixing. The trainer did his best to hide any trace of his disappointment, and how every rejection from Yifan tore a bit of the scab away from a wound that was already healing. But no matter how well Yixing thought he was doing at pretending he wasn't feeling these things, Yifan noticed nonetheless. Or perhaps he didn't even pick up on it through their connection, he just knew Yixing, and could read him better than the trainer had ever expected. They were so startlingly similar in the way that they both felt guilty about making the other feel bad, forming a downward spiral that was difficult to break.

Yifan wanting to pick up their usual training was a first step in the right direction, Yixing reasoned. Especially when the dragon kept insisting on it no matter how often Yixing reassured him that they didn't have to rush matters if he didn’t feel up to it yet. Yifan argued that sooner or later they would have to assume their usual routine again either way, and Yixing contritely agreed.

Of course there was always the option to stop the training sessions again if they should prove to put too much of a strain on their bond, but Yixing worried nonetheless. It was one thing to connect his mind with Yifan's for casual conversation and something entirely different to connect it for training.

Training entailed Yixing poking and prodding at Yifan's mind, pushing him into the right direction and urging him to to follow after the human's example with gentle pulls. Given the jumpiness of Yifan's consciousness whenever it had come into contact with Yixing's just a few weeks prior, Yixing couldn't help being afraid that the assertiveness he’d need to exert during their exercises might shock the dragon’s mind again. His biggest fear was that getting back into training too early would ruin all the progress they had made with having Yifan relax around his mental presence.

But the dragon was stubborn, not letting the matter go, uncaring of how vehemently Yixing argued against it. And before the trainer knew it he was smiling, grinning even, as a wave of overwhelming reminiscence hit him.

The dragon's insistence was devoid of the tentativeness that had overshadowed most of their interactions in the last months, a feeling as if they were tiptoeing around each other for fear of taking one wrong step. As they regained their confidence, they gradually shed the caution, but it was the first time Yifan acted like a petulant child again.

After months, Yixing finally felt like the constraint around his ribcage had been loosened enough for him to inhale freely again.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

Childishness was a trait Yixing never thought he would be so fond of. Then again, seeing how close he was with Zhixiang, it shouldn't have come as a complete surprise. And Yixing often found himself being called childish as well. Yet he was always caught a little off-guard by the warm fondness spreading in his chest whenever Yifan would pout at him for not getting his way, or whining if he didn't like something.

_I will only be gone for two, three days at most, Fan._ Yixing laughed as Yifan curled himself around the trainer like a giant, animated cage. His tail slid across the stony floor until the tip was at the same height as Yifan's head. He settled down like this, forming a barrier between Yixing and the rest of the courtyard. In addition, he also spread one of his wings to cover the space the human was standing in, forming a makeshift tent to shield Yixing completely from the outside world, as if he could keep the trainer to himself like this. Yixing chuckled lightly at the dragon's antics, brushing his hand against the warm scales of Yifan's chest. _I won't be gone as long as when I visit my family. I'll be back before you know it, promise._

_I still don't want you to go,_ Yifan pouted, drawing the circle he had formed around the other even closer. _Why does it have to be you who goes?_

_I drew the shortest straw, I told you. I have no choice. The chances are the same for everyone and I was simply unlucky._

It was time for the bi-annual errands, which meant someone had to travel to the village right at the foot of the mountains, where they stocked up on supplies necessary for the dragons. In the past, merchants had traveled through the mountain pass at regular intervals, their carts carrying everything they needed at the fortress and making it superfluous for anyone to go down into the village unless it was for an acute emergency. But in the last few years, the weather in the mountain range had grown significantly harsher, resulting in less and less merchants braving the trek up to the fortress. Those carrying all the specific herbs required in the apothecary had stopped coming altogether.

So every six months it fell to one of the trainers to fly down to the village, procure everything on the list those in charge of overlooking the fortress' supplies had deemed necessary, and travel back up with a horse-drawn cart carrying all the boxes to last them another half a year.

_Then at least let me take you down._ Yifan continued, his neck twisted so that he could peer at Yixing who was hidden beneath his wing. The amber colour of his eyes glowed under the reddish light that fell through the leathery membrane.

_You know that's not my choice to make. Huang Lei wants me to take Li Qiang, and it's not my position to complain about, or question, his decisions._ Yixing explained, trying to sound as gentle as possible, wrapping his words in regret and a plea for understanding from the other.

The whole situation gave him a strong sense of deja-vu, reminding him of when he had left Yifan alone for the first time in order to pay his family a visit. Back then, he hadn't been able to take the dragon with him because the other was still in the middle of his growth spurt, still too young to fly such long distances.

Almost three years had passed since then, and while Yifan still was a fledgling at heart more often than not, he was, essentially, a fully grown dragon in physique by now. He was towering over all the other dragons at the fortress already, and even though it would only be a few more centimetres every year from now on, Yifan would still continue growing.

Dragons were not pack animals, even though they would occasionally group together for the sake of protection. There generally was no specific hierarchy, aside from a seniority principle that often appointed the oldest, most experienced and thus wisest dragons to be the most respected. And yet Yifan undeniably had a special position among the fortress’ dragons. His huge stature and scarlet colouring prompted even older dragons to treat him more like their equal than his age might have warranted. He was not the leader of their little flock of dragons, nor did they all fear or cower before him in deference—Yifan was still way too much of a little child at heart for that—but it was obvious that their instincts told them to be intimidated by the scarlet scaled dragon.

An indistinct growl rumbled under Yixing's fingertips, indicating Yifan's discontent, but the arguing stopped, fading into a low hum of the other sulking. Yixing smiled fondly, moving closer to the other's body to lay himself against the warm scales, his arms wound around the dragon's torso the best he could. With Yifan’s size, his limbs proved too short to reach around the other for a real hug.

_I know, I'll miss you too, but I'll not be gone for long._

Yifan stilled for a heartbeat, hesitant whether he should keep up his protest or accept that he couldn’t change the situation. Eventually he nudged Yixing with his snout, demanding the human to move closer to his neck so that Yifan could hook his head over the trainer’s shoulder to pull him into the dragon’s semblance of an embrace. Laughing, Yixing moved to comply, promising a three-day-dose of cuddles to last Yifan the time that the trainer would be gone.

 

☙❈❈❈❧

 

The wind on the pass was icy, biting even the tiny strip of skin revealed between the hat he had pulled so low it was almost covering his eyes and the coat he had done up so high that it hid the lower half of his face. He felt bad for the donkey whose reins he held in a tightly balled fist, but the animal was trotting up the winding, snow-covered path without a care in the world, its occasionally flickering ears the only indication that it even took note of the harsh weather.

So late in the year there weren't supposed to be any snow-storms anymore, even if it was only the brink of spring. The staff of the village inn he had stayed at had advised him to push his travel back one day in light of the gathering storm, but Yixing didn't want to be away from the fortress and Yifan for a second longer than necessary. On top of that, he had lived up in the mountain range since he was 14 years old; a bit of bad weather couldn't deter him. And if it should take a turn for the worse, he’d be able to tell in time to find somewhere to take cover.

Nonetheless, a small voice inside his head wished he had followed the advice when a particularly strong gust of wind hit him, sending shivers through his body in spite of the double layered tunic and the coat he was wearing. Yet he kept moving on, head held low in an attempt to shield his face from the force of nature, filling his mind with thoughts of the fortress and Yifan to keep himself warm.

He knew he wasn't supposed to play favourites, but he had been unable to resist buying a package of the snacks he knew Yifan was crazy about. Whenever Yixing would use them as leverage, the usually majestic dragon changed into a tiny, eager, unusually obedient puppy. It was not the trainer’s intention to bribe the dragon into heeding his commands. Not this time, at least. Rather he had picked up the treats as a reconciliation offer, to make up for having headed down to the village for the errands.

Part of him was against spoiling Yifan like this, and he knew that he shouldn't reward the dragon's petulant behaviour, but Yixing had long since given up denying that he was weak for Yifan. If he was being honest, the other had had him wrapped around his non-existent little finger since day one.

Caught up in his memories of the days when Yifan had still been nothing but a hatchling, Yixing rounded another corner on the winding pass, a small smile on his lips when he realized that there was less than an hour’s travel left to the fortress.

Then, everything went so fast that Yixing barely even realized what was happening, his brain caught in limbo at trying to make sense of the silver metal suddenly protruding from his abdomen. Shock settled into his veins together with an overwhelming sense of disbelief as his gaze followed the gleaming blade of the sword up to the hilt, finding two gloved hands. He was met with the sight of a person, most likely male, going by the stature, clad completely in white with a scarf wrapped around their head to leave nothing but their eyes uncovered.

With the rest of the other’s face hidden, his subtle squinting was the only warning Yixing got before the attacker applied more pressure in order to drive the weapon further through Yixing's coat and tunics and deeper into his body. There was no pain, none at all, but he still stumbled back slightly from the pressure as the blade got caught on his clothes. At least, he told himself it was clothes it got caught on. The adrenaline rush kicked in seconds later, leaving his head spinning as it went into overdrive at the realization that he had just been stabbed.

It was not Yixing's first time following these paths, and he was well aware that every now and then bandits lingered around corners to rob careless and unsuspecting merchants of their goods. He had simply assumed that the weather that drove the merchants away had also rid the bandits from the mountain range. A misconception of the fatal kind, he came to realize, as another shape emerged from behind the mountain that hid the turn of the path. The second bandit—or at least Yixing assumed them to be bandits, even though he couldn’t be fully certain—did not wait a second before dashing towards Yixing, a knife in his hand.

Yixing knew he would stand no chance against two armed attackers, and he had no idea how many more were lying in ambush, waiting for a call from their accomplices. He wished he had his spear with him, but the polished staff was resting in the fortress' armoury. Foolishly, the dragon trainer had not expected the travel back up to be a dangerous one.

He _did_ have his knife with him, meant for self-defensive purposes, but he was well aware that he was not good enough in deflecting the attacks of a potentially skilled sword-fighter with just a tiny blade at his disposal. Of course he could have tried his luck—he wasn't too bad in shape, and even if he didn't have his spear, Lu Han had taught him some hand-to-hand combat techniques that might be of use. But there were too many unknowns and risks involved, and every bit of Yixing’s survival instinct screamed flight instead of fight. So he did just that.

The reins fell from his slackened grip, hitting the ground with a dull thud as everything moved in slow motion. The second hooded man might have posed the lesser threat in light of his weaponry, but Yixing wasn't about to take chances with him either. He pulled his own knife from where it had been hidden close to his waist, and raised his arm in anticipation of the impact. The metallic clang as the blades collided echoed back at them from the mountain faces—or perhaps the sound was just ringing extraordinarily loudly inside Yixing's head, he couldn't be sure.

He warded off the attack, dodged another swing and buried his own knife into the attacker's arm the moment he saw the opening. There was no howl of pain, only a sharp gasp, but the man still stumbled back a little and cursed at the weapon lodged in his limb. It had the first attacker's attention waver for the blink of an eye as well, which was all Yixing needed.

It was a bit of a split-second decision, but he didn't hesitate once. Instead of trying to regain his knife, he moved back as quickly as he could while trying not to deepen the wound the sword had cut into his body. He winced at the feeling of the slick glide, but everything went so fast that he had no time to dwell on the matter and its implications. His thoughts centered only around survival, and how he had to get away from the fight where he was outnumbered.

His sole advantage was his knowledge of the area—they were close enough to the fortress that he had been around this part of the mountain range a few times when he took Yifan or one of the other dragons for a flight. Out of the corner of his eye he had caught sight of a reddish coloured spot in the mountain face, one that stood out in its size and shape and had attracted his attention a few times already.

It triggered a vague memory, and even though there was a tiny grain of doubt left that he might be mistaken, he decided that he simply had to take his chance. So he dashed towards the edge of the narrow path, two feet to his left, and before the bandits could even realize what was happening, he had leapt.

The way down didn't exactly go smoothly; the slope was too steep, making it more of a fall than a slide, and the mountain ledge he was targeting raced towards him faster than he had hoped it would. It protruded far enough from the cliff that Yixing didn't have to worry about missing it, but the force of colliding with the unrelenting stone sent a sharp pain shooting through his leg. He crumpled to the ground gracelessly. A curse escaped from between his clenched teeth as he pressed both hands to the wound in his abdomen, aware that even though it barely hurt—yet—it needed the attention more than his sprained-slash-broken ankle did.

He heard voices, and seconds later two faces appeared in his field of vision as the two men leaned over the cliff as if to check on his whereabouts. Yixing met gazes with the taller one, the one who had stuck his sword into the dragon trainer. Everything around Yixing faded into silence for a moment; he didn't hear the howling wind anymore, didn't feel the sharp pain in his foot as they stared at each other—the bandit from up the cliff, Yixing from where he was crouching on the ledge, clutching his abdomen in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding. The man pulled the scarf that had been concealing his face down, just so that Yixing could see his smirk for a split second before he pulled back, calling his accomplice to follow him.

The other lingered for a second longer, hissing some disdainful expletives at Yixing. He reasoned they were in reaction to him having landed his knife in the male's arm. Seconds later the weapon in question came flying down the cliff, but it landed a good distance off from Yixing, hitting the stone with a loud metallic clatter. The momentum was enough to make it bounce off the floor and over edge of the ledge before plunging into the rift beyond. The action was meant to spite the dragon trainer, not to actually hurt him any further.

Releasing a shuddering breath, Yixing leaned against the mountain wall for support and closed his eyes. Voices filtered down from the path. The two bandits were talking about how they’d just leave him there to die, reasoning he'd be unable to get off the ledge with his wounds. Their words were followed by the sound of rustling, and Yixing assumed that they were going through what was loaded onto the cart, checking their loot. Seconds later they started leading the donkey down the path, visibly satisfied with what they had found. The noises of the rattling boxes and footsteps faded into the distance quickly.

In a moment of complete irrationality, Yixing felt bad for letting them escape, for not putting up a harder fight and losing the supplies he had been sent to procure. The thought was quickly banished from his mind, however, when he tried to shift a little, and put the wrong pressure on his foot.

He gasped, and only then noticed how hard he was breathing, fighting for air as his heart raced. Instinctively he applied more pressure on the open wound in his torso, but with a sense of detached horror he finally registered the sensation of his own blood soaking through the layers of his clothes, unsettlingly warm against his cold skin.

He tried to calm down, but it was useless as his pulse picked up speed. With the waning of his adrenaline rush, his hands started shaking and the pain he hadn't felt so far began spreading from his abdomen, a sickness settling in his stomach at the sight of all the redness.

He gulped, once, twice, trying to fight the panic back and retain a clear mind, but he had never been in any situation like this. Yes, he had experienced severe injuries before as the scars littering his body could attest to. But all of those wounds had been caused by dragons, and he had been within the safety of the fortress, only minutes away from getting medical support. Here, he was all by himself in the cold, cowering on a ledge that couldn’t even be seen from the path winding along the mountain. No matter how much he wanted to deal with the situation level-headedly, he was slowly falling apart.

_Yifan_.

He was seeking the dragon’s presence before he even knew what was happening, a primal instinct to call for the other for help.

_Yifan._

His calls were tinged with desperation, wavering as he had troubles focussing his mind properly. Yet he kept on trying, putting as much strength into the calls as he could manage because he knew that if no one came to his rescue, he would either bleed to death or freeze once the night came—he didn’t know how long it took for a human to die from blood loss, but he was already starting to feel light-headed.

_Please, Yifan,_ he virtually begged; praying that the dragon would be able to hear him even over the distance. Their bond had never had to span further than a few hundred metres, only a fraction of how far he was away from the castle right now, but Yixing still didn't stop, hoping against hope he'd be able to reach the other. _Please, Yifan. Come. Save me._

He repeated his pleas, over and over again, waiting for the familiar presence to appear at the edge of his perception but he was greeted with nothing but a deafening silence. Yet he kept on.

_Yifan._

_Yifan._

He wondered whether any kind of major blood vessel had been injured because he was sure he wasn't supposed to lose grip of his consciousness this quickly. Then again, he had lost count of time. Anything between a few minutes and a few hours could have passed. The cold started creeping into his limbs, and he felt the power drain from his body.

_Yifan._

_Yifan._

_Yi-_

   
  


_Yixing!_


	7. Chapter 7

The pungent smell of antiseptic, blinding lights and a stinging in his abdomen are the first things that Yixing registers when he comes to, followed by loud voices and a small bowl being pressed to his lips. The liquid in it tastes bitter as it runs over his tongue, but with his arms restrained and no way to fight off the hand tilting his head back, he has no choice but to swallow. A few seconds later, he’s back under.

 

The next time he wakes, he's alone, and it’s late afternoon. He can see the low noon sun shine through the window, hitting the blanket of the bed he's resting in. His bare skin is brushing against the fabric of the sheets, telling him he's shirtless and the tight pressure around his torso and leg gives away the bandages without even him having to lift the covers to check. He feels battered up from head to toe, exhaustion making his limbs weigh a tonne each. There is one of the fortress’ doctors standing by his bedside, alerted to the fact that he has regained his consciousness when he moves. Turning his neck the best he can, he asks for water in a croaky voice.

He gets his drink, and the doctor explains in quick sentences that they have patched him up, and that he will need to rest for a while. A big part of what he’s saying centers around the trainer’s wounds, but Yixing's mind is still too hazy to understand much of what the medic is saying. He does get the gist though, that he is not going to die, at least not yet, and not from his wounds.

The doctor is still talking, his voice more of a background noise, when flashes of memories come back to Yixing. He remembers the mountain pass, the blade sticking from his abdomen, and the fall. He remembers the hardness of the stony ground, the cold of the wind and the warmth of his own blood. His memories get hazier after that; he remembers calling out for Yifan, and how just when his consciousness had been about to slip from his grip, the dragon had answered his call, panic painting his mental voice in a colour Yixing had never before experienced.

Everything from that point on is a rush of colours and motions, light and darkness and he vaguely recalls seeing Yifan, rushing towards him. He figures he must have fainted then because the dragon's scarlet shape appearing in the distance is the last picture imprinted in his inner eye. It's not difficult to put two and two together, however, considering that he's in the infirmary, bandaged up and drugged with painkillers.

There is the brush of a familiar presence against the periphery of his mind, and Yixing immediately latches onto the connection, instinctively, completely ignoring the still present doctor.

_ Yixing!  _ Yifan calls, anxiety and relief mixing together, giving Yixing a strong sense of deja-vu.

_ Yifan,  _ he answers weakly, the exhausted state of his body reflecting in his mental connection.

A new wave of urgency burns through Yifan in response, and only then does Yixing notice the shadow hovering right outside the window. The fortress' infirmary is located in one of the higher floors, and Yifan is trying his best to hold himself still in the middle of the air so he can peer into the room. Yixing tries to placate the dragon's frenzy the best he can, but Yifan keeps repeating how he doesn't want to be separated from Yixing. The trainer scolds the dragon about causing a fuss but the reprimands come out sounding rather weak. If he is being honest, Yixing also doesn't want to be separated from Yifan.

But when he asks the doctor whether there is any possibility to treat him in Yifan's stables, his request is immediately shot down. While his condition might be stable, moving him anywhere outside of the infirmary would pose too much of a risk of infection. Yifan, having overheard the doctor's response through their bond, continues arguing nonetheless. The dragon stays connected to him even after he has settled into his stable, a constant presence full of urgency and desperation. Yifan didn’t want to go, but eventually he had given in to Yixing’s repeated insistence to not scare the medics anymore by hovering outside the window.

_ Yifan, it's okay.  _ He tells the dragon, trying to be as reassuring as possible over their mental connection, even with his body battered and his brain muddled by the painkillers.  _ You brought me back here safely and the doctors say my condition isn't critical anymore. You did well, really well. You can relax now. _

Yifan rebels against the waves of calmness, responding with pictures of Yixing cradled into the dragon's body, wings folded like a protective tent over him. ‘ _ I want to keep you safe’,  _ the mental picture says, and Yixing physically aches with the desire to comply with Yifan's wish, to snuggle close to the dragon's warm, scaled body. But he can't help it. The infirmary is no place for a dragon, and the stables are no place for him in his current state.

 

He didn’t even realize he had fallen back asleep, but when he next opens his eyes, he is greeted by the darkness of the night. Disorientation gets the best of him for a second as he tries to remember where he is, the unfamiliar room around him definitely not his bedroom and the sting in his torso sends a short wave of panic through him. It all comes to an immediate halt however when he turns his head to find a shadow standing an arm’s length away from his bed, motionless, bathed in moonlight. 

The male is tall, surely towering at least a head above Yixing if they were both standing. Traces of slumber are still clouding the trainer’s brain but he  _ knows _ he should freak out upon finding a stranger by his bedside, watching him sleep with such an intense stare. Yet, something stops him.

The features Yixing can make out in the dim lighting are sharp, and entirely unfamiliar. The man's hair must be some shade of blond, but the exact colour is lost to the shadows. Yixing is one hundred percent sure that he has never seen the other before in his whole life, yet he doesn't scream for help. There is an inexplicable buzz of familiarity under his skin, his mind singing with a sense of connection.

"Yixing," the stranger croaks out, the gentle baritone of his voice scratchy from disuse. He clears his throat but remains silent. 

And Yixing knows. He just knows. It makes no sense, none at all, but he knows that the tall male standing beside his bed is no stranger.

Yixing can see tear streaks glistening on Yifan's cheeks, and his heart constricts as he takes in the lost look in the other's eyes. Suddenly there’s a presence inside his head, confirming what he already knew. 

_ They wouldn't let me see you. You were hurt when I wasn't there but they wouldn't let me see you. I can't leave you alone anymore. _

Yixing shifts on his bed, propping his back against the pillow and headrest the best he can to bring himself into a remotely sitting position before he beckons Yifan to move closer with a mental tug. "Come here,  _ Xiao Fan. _ "

Yifan immediately complies, bridging the last bit of distance between him and the bed. Once he’s standing right beside Yixing, he leans in until the trainer can pat his head the same way he would always pat the dragon's snout in a loving caress. All of a sudden, his eyes are stinging as well. The painkillers are wearing off, and his skin is burning where it’s coming into contact with Yifan and there are relief and comfort and pain and lingering shock, all mixing together.

Petting Yifan's head turns to stroking down his neck, then to resting his hand at Yifan's nape and the next thing he knows he's drawing the tall male forward into a hug. It's an awkward position, what with Yixing still in bed and Yifan leaning over him, his arms propped on either side of the trainer to support his own weight and not apply any pressure on the other's wounded body. Yixing's nose is full of Yifan's scent, and he feels the other's warmth beneath his fingertips as he lets his hands glide down along Yifan's spine. Like this, Yixing can't bring himself to care how awkward their position might be. The bare skin of Yifan's back feels so soft.

"Thank you," he whispers as he buries his head in the crook of Yifan's neck, not quite sobbing but his intakes of breath are slightly shuddering. He doesn't even know whether he is thanking the other for being there right now, or for saving him, or for existing in general, or for everything together.

_ Don't scare me like that again _ , Yifan retorts, his message wavering around the edges and Yixing hears him sniffle, giving away just how upset the other is.

"I won't," Yixing promises, even if he knows that it’s not something he’s fully in control of. But he would say anything right now to ease Yifan's worry.

Eventually Yifan shifts his weight to his left arm, freeing his right one to wrap around Yixing's shoulders, taking care to not apply too much pressure while at the same time folding around the trainer the best he can, clinging to Yixing like he’s his lifeline.

Yixing has never felt this complete before.

 

_ to be continued _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to apologise to all of you who feel played now, but yes, that's it for now. I was running out of time as this fic kept growing and growing, so I decided to split it into three parts and submit only the first one for Exordium. That being said, there will be a continuation. However, I can't quite promise when, as I don't want to post anything before the second part is done.  
> Now that it's over, I want to once again say thank you.  
> Thank you to my beta readers, Lo and Grace. You guys had to put up with a lot of me whining and asking for last minute edits or checking a chapter like four times because I was insecure about it. I am very glad I had you guys to help me through this.  
> Thank you to my tlist friends who kept encouraging me, while I was writing and when I seemed disheartened during posting. Your continuous support means so much to me. It might be the main reason to keep me going.  
> And lastly, thanks to all of you readers who actually, somehow, made it through this fic. I applaud you.


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